I sat there staring at my blank computer screen....wondering what on earth I should write, you’d think that after an award winning novel and an Oscar winning screen play I’d know exactly what to write about...but I didn’t I was in the worst writers block of my life...and at only twenty six...you’d think oh big deal...but something was creating my block.. I had just lost my grandfather... and he was the first person to read my writing...I felt like crap...no shit...I felt like shit...I’d been crying for days and wasn’t even able to get back for the funeral because of an engagement with a television show...that my agent told me if I missed my entire carrer would fall apart...sitting in front of my computer, tears stianing my face...my cell phone riding on death and that damn screen made me wish I that it would fall apart...then my phone buzzed.
“Jack...” I said as my agent launched into a fit.
“You...I am...Jess...the show...” I grabbed my beer and took a sip.
“What about the show?” I asked and he paused.
“You’ve been crying...” I scoffed.
“No I just lost my grandfather...I’m laughing my ass off over here.” He sighed.
“The show...I got them to give you a new date...”
“I’m taking time off Jack...I can’t do anything...I’m going home...” He laughed.
“I’ll cancel the next two months...I know you need this Jess.” I nodded and said good bye...hooked my phone up and sat back as my dalmatian Gipper put his head on my thigh.
“Hey boy.” I said and he whinned. “I’m okay.” he huffed. “I am...I swear.” he barked and I got up and laid down on the sofa him laying on my legs licking my face as I started to cry...in New York City...an eighty pound dalmatian is found two places...a fire house...and my apartment...and no where in the world is there a dalmatian as amazing as gipper...yes he is named after the gipper...I’m a bit of a movie nut...he’s also my best friend...he and I have been through everything. I take him everywhere...and that’s that. I heard my phone ring and Gipper barked at it... “It’s just a phone Gip.” I said getting up. “Hello?” I asked and I heared a sniffle.
“Jessica?” my uncle Graham asked.
“Hey Uncle Graham...” I said looking at Gipper who was laying on his back.
“How you holding up?” He asked coughing.
“I should be asking you that.”
“Jess...your dad a year ago now this...you can’t feel to good.” Thanks uncle Graham....needed that...just to think about my dad dieing in a car crash a year before...my mom when I was a kid....yeah that helped.
“I’m doing okay...Gip’s helping me...how are you?” He inhaled.
“I’m okay...your cousin doesn’t dare care as much.” He said with this vindictive tone. (My cousin his duaghter the most drugged and boesed up blonde in Michigan.)
“Well...she’ll come around...I’m sure.” he sighed.
“I was just calling to check up on you...”
“Is grandpa’s house still empty?” I asked a plan forming in my mind...his house was right on the lake...Lake Michigan... in Grand haven...it was a beautiful house...two floors with a wrap around porch...a white outside and a deck to die for.
‘Yeah...why?”
“Cause I need a place to stay...and I don’t like hotels.”
“Jess can you handle it there?” he asked and I smiled.
“I need a place to stay for the next two months...and where better to stay then a place where you feel the most at home?” He laughed and I heard my aunt calling.
“I have to go... jess...your aunt Kittie’s calling.” He said with a help me tone.
“I’ll see you in a few days...”
“See ya.” He hung up and I plopped down on my couch and turned on my t.v. Gipper currled up and my phone rang agian.
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” I yelled at it...then picked it up. “Hello.” I said hotly.
“Hey Jess...calm down.” My brother James said.
“Hey James...” I said and he coughed.
“How you doing?”
“Okay...you?”
“Okay...you talk to the rest of the group yet?” He asked refering to the three other siblings, and two other in laws I have.
“To Jen...and Adian...yeah.”
“How you holding up out there alone?”
“I’m coming back on Wedensday.”
“That’ll be good.”
“Oh how I love being the baby.” I said with a laugh.
“Sorry we’re all worried about you...you’re the only one to leave the state.”
“So...I’m the only one to have any adventure?”
“Don’t get cocky Jess.”
“Your not my father James...” I said looking at the cealing.
“Well what the fuck do you think he’d say...”
“I don’t fucking know...” I said getting angry.
“Jess he dumped you didn’t he?” I wanted to chuck the phone agianst the wall...he sighed.
“I’m alright if that’s what your worried about...” he coughed.
“That’s not what I’m worried about.”
“Well if FUCKING should be shouldn’t it?”
“Jess...your twenty six and every relationship you’ve had...has ended with them leaving you...”
“Well you know maybe it’s because I don’t feel right in the relationship did you think about that...?” he laughed.
“You better get comfortable...you need a good man Jess...I’m just looking out for you...I’m just worried about you...I want you be safe...okay...taken care of...you’re my little sister...and I love you...is that a crime?”
“No James it’s not and I love you too.” he chuckled, and my sister in law Kay called his name,
“Oh shit...she’s calling...”
“Don’t talk about her like that.”
“She found the target reciet.”
“Oh the spiol the kids store...your dead.”
“Shh...I gotta go...”
‘Love you.”
‘Love you...see ya on Wednesday.”
“See ya.” I tossed the phone on my desk and looked at the sleeping gipper. “Oh yeah soak it up.” I said and he huffed and rolled over. The night was spent packing and crying....drinking and remebering...I woke up at noon on a Monday and had the worst hang over... “Oh god.” I said rubbing my head. I got up and took a shower...every sound made by the shower the apartment and the city hurt like a knife in the head. It took three hours to be able to pick up the phone...Gipper and I played it cool that day...I went to my normal bookstore...no not barnes and nobel...this small bookstore owened by a sixty eight year old man.
“Jessica!” he said loudly.
“Oh ow.” I said and he laughed.
“Had a bit to drink last night?” he asked as Gipper jumped on his shoulders and kissed his face.
“A bit.” I said pulling the dog off him.
“I have the perfect book for your trip.”
“How’d you?” I asked pulling off my sunglasses.
“I know you Jess.” I laughed.
“ Do you?” he nodded and hobbled over to the counter and grabbed a bundle of three books.
“Yes good old george...knows you.” I laughed and looked at the bundle...
“All un known...my favorites.” he smiled and I handed him a hundreded.
“I don’t have enough to make change.” he said and I clasped the bill in his hand.
“I don’t need change.” he squeezed my hand. I grabbed the books and hugged him good bye. Then I walked down the street and grabbed coffee and a hot dog...Gipper barked at me as I bit into it sitting by the lake in central park. “It’s made from pigs.” I said and he barked agian and I tossed him some bread. “Oh your wlecome.” I said with a smile and laugh. I looked out at the little pond thinking if this is a lake what’s an ocean? I sat there until it was almost four...and then Gipper and I went home and I climbed into bed and Gipper slid up next to me and we watched as the tigers beat the yankee’s. A minor victory for me....ha ha haha ha. Then after my alarm went off at four...I was hit with grief harder than a baseball bat in Babe Ruth’s hands. I’m loading up the suburban I’ve driven since I was twenty and I’m balling my eyes out. Gipper jumps up into the front seat with me as I turn on the car and pull out of the garage. I turned on the xm radio I loved and listened to the music from my movie...which made me smile as I was being talked about...
“Jessica Marks did an amazing job with the screen play it was so easy just to find music that would flow when your watching the movie, just because her characters are so easy to find a score for... that’s the sign of real talent.” That made me feel great as I crossed into Pensylvania...Gipper and I stopped four times on our trip...breakfast...gas...Lunch...gas...Dinner...Yep my cars a freaking gas hog. I pulled into the lake town in the dead of night...the crisp summer air of my home...it had been to long since I’d been home...the smell of the lake...the thickness of the lake air...the smells of the peer, the lighthouse...the memories of my childhood flushing back as I began to tear up again. I drove through the city looking at the empty roads laughing at the teenagers who were breaking curfew...then it came into view...my grandfathers house...my grandparents house...but as of three years ago...my grandfathers... the two story Victorian....right on the lake...the soft grass of the front yard crunching under my feet as Gipper let off two hours of pee...
I expected to see the front light on... I always leave the front light on Jessy...that way if you ever change your mind about running away...you’ll know what house I’m in. That had coaxed me out of running away when my mom died...now that light was off...it shouldn’t be off...he should be coming out to see me...where is he...why? I wipped my eyes as I lifted the flower pot off the front porch and grabbed the key... Gipper jumped around on the porch looking for him...then he knew...I swear to god that dog figured it out...cause he dropped his ears and whined.
“I know...I miss him too.” I pushed open the blue door and turned on the front light. Gipper came inside and laid down on the couch....I however knew I wouldn’t be sleeping...not tonight not here.... I walked around smelling him...he had this smell...of lake water...and hard candy...this grandpa smell that was etched into every fiber of the house...his bedroom...exactly as he left it...the bed wasn’t even made...it looked as though he had gotten up to go to the bathroom...I made the bed and went into his closet...I used to hide in there when we’d play hide and seek...summers on the lake we’re the times in my life when I felt at peace...times with Liam...that was when I was home...and now...I was worried I’d never feel like that again. I looked around at all his tshirts...jeans...and on the shelf I saw something...a large carbord box...labeled journals...I pulled it down and looked inside... there we’re over fifty leather journals each one filled up with his handwriting...I sat down on the bed and looked at them not reading them...just looking at them. “There must be a journal from every year of his life.” I said as Gipper came in, I grabbed the box and walked into the son room...my room...when I was six...I refused to sleep anywhere else so he moved a bed, a dresser, a couch, and a bookshelf into the huge sun room which stuck out of the house like a glass enclosure...the two peaks of the roof on either side of the room...the white curtains still perfectly tied back... the view of the lake still as breath taking as when I was little...I looked at the alarm clock and yawned...at four thirty a.m. ...I was standing in the glass room looking at what I once called my summer home. I looked over at the very tempting bed, “I can’t sleep through a sunrise over lake michigan.” I mused to my self. I set the box down on the dresser and walked out to my car and unloaded my stuff. I took a shower...and then a bath...looking at the running mascara...I fell asleep in the tub...I put my head on my hand and fell asleep...I was rudely awakend by my brother screaming at me.
“JESS!” I jolted awake, realizing I was sinking into the water....I was pulled out by his arms... “Jess are you okay?” he asked as he rubbed the hair out of my face.
‘No...I’m naked.” he put a towel over me. Then carried me to the couch. “I’m okay James I just fell asleep.”
“In a bathtub.” he said handing me a mug of coffee...I set it down and grabbed my jeans and an old ramones t-shirt.
“I drove from New York I was tired...I guess I just got tired...” I said as I pulled the shirt on and he sat down on the couch.
“Don’t ever do that to me agian...don’t ever scare me like that agian.” he said as I sat down.
“Don’t ever come bursting in on me in the tub.” I said and then I kissed his cheek. “But thanks for saving me.” he smiled and gipper barked at him.
‘This can’t be gipper.” he said as the huge dog came running in, forgetting about the floors then sliding into a wall.
‘It’s him.” I said as he got up and licked my face.
“Hey buddy.” james said scratching his ears. I pulled my hair up and he rubbed my back as I sat forward and started to cry. “Hey...Jessy...hey...” he said pulling me into him...I noted it was now seven in the morning.
“James...it’s just not right...him not being here.” I said grabbing onto his shoulder. He scrachted my back and cried with me...James and I had always been close...both with eachother and with out grandfather...my ten cousins had always hated the relationship I had with my grandfather...he always called me his special girl...always paid attention to my life...where the rest felt left out...he looked out for me...being the baby...of my dad’s kids when my mom died he always took care of me...my dad had five kids and my grandpa knew he needed to work... so Jen would watch Aidan and Kris and James and I would go to the lake house...So James knew it was hard for me...I pulledmy self together when my phone rang. “Marks.” I said into it. “No...I’m not in New York.” I said to the receptionist. Then hung up. “What are you doing?” I asked as my brother was fishing through my suitcase.
“Looking for it...’ he said and then he held up my thong. “You wear these?” he asked in this my little sister wears a thong voice.
“It’s underwear.” I said taking it fro him. “What are you looking for?” I asked grabbing my black gucci dress and hanging it up.
“Your oscar...” I laughed.
‘It’s in New York...” I said and he tapped me on the shoulder.
“Really?” He said as I turned around and he was holding it.
‘I was drunk.” I said and he laughed and set it on the dresser.
“Right where it belongs.’ he said looking at it. “I can’t beliave you actually won this thing...”he said admiring it.
“It’s a funny thing to own.” I said as I sat down on the couch
“Why?” he asked holding it looking at himself in the mirror.
“Cause it’s just there...it’s this major achievement and you have no where to put it...you could build a shelf but that’s cocky...you could put it on the counter...but it could get dirty...you could have it framed but that’s just weird and dangerous.” He laughed and set it down licking his thumb and rubbing it over the name plate.
“Well I’m proud of you for it.” he said kissing the top of my head.
“Thanks...” I said as he laid down and we did our signature put our feet against each other’s feet and push...
“So you gonna be okay to come today...” He asked as he pushed my legs into my chest and I pushed back....hating how strong he’d gotten.
“It’s a funeral...I’ve got you...Kris and Adian to lean on...” he smiled and pushed back hard.
“It’s the truth...” he said with a laugh. “We’re always gonna be here...” I smiled at him and pushed his legs back. “So...you gonna go swimming?” I laughed at him.
‘I’ve had my fill of water today.” I said and he laughed and pushed my legs back. Then his cell went off.
“Hello?” He asked as I put my feet down. “Hey honey...yeah she’s doing okay...I will...fine...okay...KAY I SAID OKAY!...you too...bye.” he hung up and stood up. “I have to go buy sandwich trays for the funeral...your lucky aunt Lauren doesn’t know you’re here.” I laughed and kissed him good bye and then walked him out to the front porch. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he hugged me tight. “I’ll see you at seven...” he whispered and then kissed me on the cheek and left...honking the horn twice. I walked back inside and grabbed a mug of coffee, my glasses and a couple of my grandpa’s journals... I walked out onto the back porch and propped my self up agians the post sitting on the step. I opened the small leather book and saw his familar handwriting.
July fifth nineteen eighty two. (My birthday) 6:30 am
Today is the beging of a new life...my oldest son’s youngest duaghter was born today...her name is Jessica after my sister...she has her father’s blue eyes and her mother’s blonde hair, she is the smallest little bundle of joy, I’ve ever seen...and she’s given me an idea...she’s the youngest of my grandchildren so I’m going to continue writing in these journals as if I’m writing to her. Not letters...just writing to her...okay there letters but there not there journals...journals for Jessica... (This is starting to both make me cry and laugh...one because I meant this much to him then...and two because it’s starting to sound a little like Susanne’s diary for Nicholas...a Patterson book.) So here it goes...
Jessica, my dear little Jessica,
Today you were born...at two thirty four a.m. yes thank you for the loveley wake up call. I saw you for the first time at three twenty six when your father walked out holding you all wrapped in pink and warm. I have to say this Jessica...nobody comes into the world like you did with out something big planned for them. Your father came out holding both you and the machines you’ve been hooked up to...you weren’t meant to be born for another month little one. You just felt like you were missing out so you had to get here so dang quickly...and you didn’t care what happened. Your just like your good ol grandpa.... Your father came out holding you as you slept...your grandmother held you first and you didn’t budge and then the second I had you in my arms...you jolted awake and your beautiful blue eyes looked right at me...and I swear I saw you smile...you made this crackling sound and I pray that’s not your laugh...your grandmother started crying as I talked to you...your grandmother has no emotional control my little one...your little hand latched onto my finger and I swear you have a claw...you cried when your dad took you from me then when you heared his voice talking to you...you calmed right down...you’re a daddy’s girl and a graddady’s girl Jessy...your always gonna be. Your mom is sick Jessy..and as I sit here in this very uncomfortable chiar in this way to clean hospital...I wonder...what you were meant to do honey...I wonder...were you meant to be great? Save the world? I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out wont I? Ah I just saw a man walk by with a butterfinger Jessy darling so until I get back I love you.
Grandpa Liam. I looked down the page tears running down y face and I laughed at the chocolate slplotch on the page.
Same date 7:00am
Okay I’m back...and full...one thing I will have to teach you...the gloriousness of the butterfinger. The amazing candy bar that has plagued my taste buds these past few years. I discovered it while babysitting your brother James who’s now four...and your biggest fan. He is curled up next to me in the seat his butterfinger all over his face. He’s begged to hold you...and for about ten minutes you father let him...your sister Jennifer held you for a while, playing with the little bit of hiar you have...your brother Adian however held you close a look of utter fear on his face, and then Kristopher, who saw your eyes and smiled...he held you for twenty minutes before your father grabbed you and handed you to James... Your brother looked at you and started crying... he wasn’t sad...he was so happy you we’re here. Your mother is still uncurious and the doctors are not holding out much hope...I pray you’ll get to meet her...she’s a wonderful woman Jessica...the perfect match for your father...and a good mother. I love your mother like I love my own daughters...I have since the moment I met her. He went on to explain the way he and my mother met...how he knew my father and her would wind up married....and then he went on to explain how he and my grand mother met. I was working at the local drugstore, just the counter boy...now back when I was fifteen, the drugstore was not the wallgreens of today...it was the place to be...as they say...it had a soda bar and just about every thing you’d ever need...anyway...I was working around noon when your grandmother walked in...I was cleaning up the glasses when she walked in, the amazing black haired woman...she was wearing a blue dress, which hung to her knees...he amazing black hair hung in curls down to her chest and her amazing brown eyes met mine as she sat down. She ordered a chocolate malt and once I set in front of her she noticed I had written my phone number on the napkin. She introduced her self. Valerie...Valerie Richards. She smiled and wrote her’s down...and handed it to me...and that’s how I met her...she walked into my life...and she’s never walked out. I called her that night and to my luck your great grandfather answered the phone... then when I heard Valerie’s voice, I was at ease. She agreed to go to a picture with me...that’s what we called them back then...now there the movies...anyway...we went to go see the picture and then after I bought her a soda and walked her back to her house she kissed me and I knew after that kiss that I would marry your grandmother. Oh James is up...until later my dear.
Grandpa Liam. I looked up at the sky tears falling down my face as I turned the page.
Same Date 10:00 pm.
Jessica,
Your mother is awake...thank jesus christ for that...she’s awake and your doing fine...they say that in two weeks you can go home...and your mother can leave in three...your father is relaved as you sit in the plastic cradle in front of me watching me write to you. Your father is asleep on the couch your brothers are in the bed with your mother and your sister at her friends house. You and I are the only ones up in this dark room...you squirm like a little, worm...squirmy wormy...I’m gonna call you right now...cause that’s all your doing...I’ve held you, and you still squirm...and now I’m just gonna let you squirm...you are your own little person already Jessica, you’ve already proven you have the lung power of the titanic’s blow horn, and that you hate to be burpped...you spit up on your father after he picked on me...I swear you’re my little champion...he was making a few jokes at my expense and you spit up right on his favorite tshirt...you’re my girl Jessy. Oh...your crying... (There was a line on the paper where he set the pen down.)
Same date 10:30 pm
Your asleep now...you little heart fighting for every beat, your little lungs fighting...you fight Jessica...don’t stop fighting...I can’t lose you...your too tiny, too inocent, too perfect, too special, and too new to leave...you need to fight Jessy...you need to make it...that’s an order. I’m only admitting this to you...I’m afraid...I know your father is...I can see it in his eyes every time he holds you...he’s afraid he’s gonna lose you...you mean to much already Jessica...you need to hold on. And I need to sleep...oh butterfinger in the candy basket...oh it’s mine...until tomorrow Jessica my darling.
Grandpa Liam. I closed the book folding the page over and walking back inside...I unpacked my stuff and grabbed my suit out of the suit case and pulled it on.
“Great...I’m freaking emaciated.” I said as I looked at my self in the mirrior. “I need to eat.” I said and gipper barked. “Nobody asked your opinion.” I walked down the stiars and pushed open the screen door throwing the towel over the side of the porch fence and just ran for the water...I dove in, the cold crisp water, I swam for the boey...just going...crying, fighting, swimming and gaging on the water. I grabbed on to the boey and held on as I cried...I had no will power to hold it back...I just cried...cried and cried and cried until I finally let go of the boey and swam back to shore....I stumbled on to the sand and flipped my hair back...I wrapped the mickey towel around me and walked back inside grabbing one of the old windmill cookies my grandfather always had. I walked up the stiars and washed off the lake water realizing I had been out there for two hours... it was now twelve...I had been reading for two and crieing for two more. I took a shower until tweleve thirty and then climbed out...I dired my hair and pulled it back and up, I shook my head and let it down as I pulled on my under wear and bra, I pulled the dress on zipped it up, then the heals and then put a little eyeshadow and no mascara. I sat on the front porch of my grandfathers home dressed for his funeral...an hour in advance...wondering where the day had gone, where my life had gone...I grabbed my purse and climbed into the car. I drove to the funeral home and sat in the sand dusted parking lot as I watched people walk in. I was like some stalker...then after contemplating not going in at all...I walked in...it was just my family, my cousions... my sister, brothers, three nephews, and two nieces, and my aunts and uncles. I felt like a freak walking in...all eyes fell on me.
“Jess.” James said walking over to me and grabbing my hand. “You okay?” I nodded and hugged him.
“You?” he nodded and wipped his eyes.
“As good as I can be in this situation.” I nodded and his wife walked over.
“Hey Jess.” she said hugging me.
‘Hi Kay.” I said and she squeezed my hand.
“How you doing?” she asked rubbing my arm.
“I’m okay.” I said and Kris walked over and I wrapped my arms around my big brother...my oldest brother...he’s six four, and a cop. He knew me almost as good as James...he held me close as James rubbed my back. “I’m okay...I am.” I said as I let go and wiped my eyes.
“You don’t have to be strong Jess.” Kris said rubbing my back.
“I’m just trying to...I have to for my own benifit.” They nodded and I saw my sister...she had a baby in her arms and tears on her face...her black hair the opposite of mine, pulled up and pin stright. I walked over to her and my sleeping niece.
“Hey Jessy.” she said putting her tear stianed cheek agianst mine.
“Hey Jen...how you doing?” She smiled and my niece stirred. “Oh...Kat...don’t.” I said rubbing her head.
“You wanna hold her?” my sister asked and I nodded and held my niece. “You think your gonna be okay...do you need sombody with you?” I shrugged as I moved katrina so her head was resting on my shoulder.
“I won’t know...not till I go in there.” she nodded and I saw adian...my other big brother the one who had always made things seem better...his smile made the best situations better...he had my father’s sense of humor...and I prayed he’d say something to make people laugh... he had at my dad’s funeral and I knew my dad would have been cracking up...he was a school teacher...a high school computer teacher. He saw me as I held the child and my sister walked over to her husband, Jake.
“Jess.” he said kissing me on the forehead.
“Hey aidan.” I said as Jake came over and took Kat rubbing my back . Adian pulled me into him and I felt a bit of my self crumble.
“You want Kris to be with you...” he asked as he rubbed my back...I nodded and he held me tighter. “You’ll be okay Jess...you’ll be okay.” I held on as hard as I could...and he just kept reasuring me. Then kris came over and grabbed my hand.
“Come on Jess...let’s go see him.” he whispered as he pulled me into the back of the room. I saw the oak casket in the front of the funeral home...and in it I saw my grandfather...my greatest hero...Kris felt me go weak cause he clung on to me. I got up to the casket and saw him, dressed in his favorite with his favorite tie. His millitary hat folded in his hands as the guards stood around the home. I grabbed onto the edge of the casket and went weak and Kris pulled me into his chest...I cried into him and I felt his own tears fall on my head. “Shh Jessy....I’m here...okay...I’m here.” he said as he kissed the top of my head. I couldn’t move...Kris scooped me up and we sat down his arms wrapped around me...as my brothers filed in then my sister...one of my nephews Kale...didn’t understand...and it hurt...cause he kept asking Jen why grandpa was sleeping...and When James sat down next to me...my fifteen year old nephew Rick (jen’s oldest) walked over and hugged me.
“I’m sorry aunt Jess...I’m sorry.” he said and I heard James inhale and cough...he sat down and James grabbed my hand as his son Mike (six) crawled under his arm...and Jen’s other little girl katie (nine) held her mother’s hand. People came in droves...the entire room was filled and there were people standing as the funeral began. The flowers in the room seemed to echo his life...as the priest spoke sweet words about my grandfather. Then opened the floor to friends and family...a couple of my grandad’s veteran, and elk lodge buddies talked about him...then my cousin Jason...talked about how much he meant...then I got the courge to stand up.
“I’m amazed at how many people are actually here...cause theres no way anbody would have guessed he knew this many people...the way he lived...as many of you know...my grandfather meant the world to me...he was the first person I told when I decided to write...he was the first person I called when my dad died...he was the first person who showed me who I am...it’s because of him...that we are who we are...not just me and my brothers and sister, or my aunts and uncles...all of us...the people who knew him...loved him...knew that you wern’t gonna know Liam Marks and not get a life lesson out of it...he was gonna change you...it was just his nature...I remeber being six years old...and loseing my mother...I remeber him sitting with me on the front porch of his house as my suitcase was packed behind me...I told him I was running away...that I needed to leave...his response was to get up and turn on the front light...then he sat down and told me that no matter what he’d always leave that light on...so I’d know right where to find him...so if I got lost...I’d just look for the light...and he said that if I came back and knocked on the door...there’d be a hug, a cookie and a dr.pepper waiting...I relaize now...that even though he’s no longer there at the house...that it wasn’t that light that showed me where home was... it was him...he’s always been my light...I think a lot of us could say that about him...that he’s always been there...whenever you needed him...he’s been my light since I was born...always giding me...telling me where home really is...even when there were times when I felt that home didn’t exist...I’ve always had a home...in his arms...in his bear hugs and his smile...and I’m just really gonna miss having that reasurance that there is a place where I belong...cause lord knows you can lose that self confindince in New York pretty damn quick.” That got a laugh and I smiled. “I do remeber though when I got in my car to leave...to go to NYU...he grabbed my car door and turned my head with his hand and told me...Your gonna feel alone...at times...your gonna feel lost...but you never are...your never alone...there may be times when it feels as though the wiat of the world is on your shoulders and trust me when you have three deadlines it’s pretty heavy...he told me that no matter what...he’d always be there...and I hope that he’s still keeping that promise...cause I know if I give up the hope that he’s with me...then I’m giving up on him...and I can’t give up on him...I love him...he’s my best friend...my deepest confidant...and my biggest inspiration...I love you grandpa...I do...” I said as I stepped away and kris wrapped me in his arms. Adian stood up and fixed his tie.
“There really is no follow up to that...thanks Jess.” he said making us all laugh. “I do remeber the light as well it was very annoying at two thirty in the morning...” He was pulling the elephant out of the room. “I do know one story about my grandfather that still makes me laugh...many of you know...he was a sucker for a butterfinger...that was his achilles heal...a butter finger....I remebmber we were out on the lake in the old pontoon boat and grandpa was knawing away at the butter finger when he dropped it...I guess he was what he ate...” that got a huge laugh. “I was ten and had never heard my grandfather curse before in my life...Jess you would have been what three...so it was Jen who was on the boat with us...and he started yelling curse words as he saw his precious candy bar floating in the lake. My dad stopped the boat and made him stop swearing...litttle did my dad know...grandpa was going in...he was gonna save that butter finger like haselhoff on baywatch...he dove into lake michigan and grabbed that candy bar...and folks he ate it...I never once in my life before or after saw a man risk so much for his candy...cause you know what the lake’s like in December.” that got the room to errupt in laugheter and I knew grandpa and dad we’re up there having a high ho time. “That’s something I’m always gonna remember...and I’m sure we all have funny stories about all of us...and him...but he had dirt on evereybody...he was like the star Jones of Grand haven folks...he knew everything about everybody...but he never onced used it agianst them...unless, he was palying poker...then he’d call your bluff based on it...trust me I lost two grand to him.” that got a huge laugh...and I was thankfull for his humor. “But on a sierious note...I am gonna miss him...cause like jess said he made you feel at home...even when it seemes the worst thing has happened to you he made it better and I’ll always remember that...and the butterfinger...every time I buy one at the store, or at the school...I’ll remember him...cause my grandfather was a great man...and I could only pray to be anything like him...we’re really gonna miss you old man...we are.” he sat down and then my Grandpa’s best friend and next door neghibor Noah stood up.
“Well now that the grandkids have spoken...let’s hear a non biaesed opion.” he said getting a laugh. “You may think now that I’m gonna say there wrong...but there not...those two got him right on the money...Liam Marks was the best friend I ever had...and his grandduaghter the best waitress I’ve ever had the pleasure of working for me...” he said refering to Jen. “The other one Jess...she was special to him...we all knew that...just the way he talked about her...and you know what Jessy honey...the way you just talked about him...that’s how he’d talk about you...and all your brothers and sister...you kids meant the world to him...all his kids and grandkids...but we all know that nothing meant more to Liam then his loveley wife Val...the sweetest woman I have ever met was Valarie...she was the most amazing woman there has ever been...and that’s why she landed the most amazing man...those two...had a love story that Jess...you could write and sell out...” I laughed... “But I agree with you all...he felt like home...even when there was no home...he made one...and I’m gonna miss him...more than I’ll miss any of my other friends...he was like my brother...and I’m really gonna miss our morning coffee...I love ya buddy...keep us safe.” after that all I remeber was being handed the flag off his casket and the guns...then stumbling back onto the porch at ten thirty that night. The light still on...I smiled and walked in. Taking off my shoes and climbing the stiars....I walked into my room and pulled the dress over my head standing there in nothing but my underwear as I looked out at the dark lake...then I looked over towards Frank Harrision’s house and saw a figure...looking at me I grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it over my head shutting the blinds...thinking...it’s my fault....I’m too sad to be mad.
That night I drempt about being eleven and learning how to drive the boat...it wasn’t a vivid dream but at least I got to hear my grandfather’s voice. The morning came with my brother Kris rubbing my head.
“Hey sleepy.” he said as I opened my eyes. “You gotta get dressed the reading’s in twenty miuntes.” I shot up....they were reading my grandfather’s will. I looked at him...he had on jeans so I was wearing jeans...jeans and a button up blue top over converse sneakers...We got to the only legal office I knew of in the town. We were ushered into a room where I noticed that uncle graham was the only one of my uncles there...that all my brother’s were there but no jen...and only one cousin.
“Hello....” my grandfather’s lawyer said as he set the folder down in front of himself. “First off let me express my deepesr condolences to your loss.” we all nodded and he began to read...James got the boat which made him smile....Adian the cabin up in saginaw...that none of us knew about. Kris...all his medals and war stuff which you be suprised amounts to a lot... and Kris loves that stuff. Uncle Graham receved fifty percent of the bank acount which we were all shocked to learn was upwards of two million dollars, Regan my cousion a quarter and the rest was mine...the house...the other quarter and all his poessions. I felt like a jerk...like I had taken what wasn’t mine...I wanted to ask him if I could give it to uncle Graham or Dane or some of the people who wern’t here...but I didn’t cause I knew nobody was mad at me...I did know what I was gonna do with the money...I was gonna fix up the old house...get it back to perfect condition...and move out here...I don’t need to be in new york to work...so I was fixing up the old house. When we left Kris smiled at me and laughed.
“What?” I asked and he just broke out laughing.
“Could you imagine what Francine would have done to you if she was there?” He asked from his seat.
“She’s too drunk to understand.” I said and he laughed. “Kris I feel terrible...”
“Why?” He asked, grabbing my hand.
“Cause I’m not that important.... I mean I love the house...and I’m glad to have it...but I know people are gonna hate me for it.” He squeezed my hand.
“He had a plan Jess...just let it work it’s self out...plus you got me James, and adian looking out for you...anbody tries anything...we kill em.” I laughed as he pulled into the drive and I looked at the house. “It’s yours now Jessy...take care of it.” Kris said as I got out.
“I’m gonna do that and more.” I said and he laughed and pulled out. I walked into my house and grabbed my computer. I wrote down what I was going to do to the house....I was updating everything, everything except his room...his room was staying exactly the same...I knew if I was gonna live there I needed to bring this place out of the seventies...just because my grandpa had always voiced he wanted to fix up the place. So I wrote down what colors I was going to change...I knew below some of the grey shag carpeting there was harwood floors...so I was ripping up all the carpet...I was taking the appliances and updateing them...I was buying all new furniture and I was blowing a ton of money...so right to work...this was how I was greiveing...I was working, not writing working. I drove into grand rapids and spent the whole day going aroud finding people to do the jobs...I hired a pianter who was coming tommorow and leaving next week...the guys from sears were comming in a week...the carpet people in two days...and the furniture well the stuff I did buy was comming at noon tommorow...in boxes... I got home at eleven...my planner filled and my mail box fuller...now that I was living here...every letter from New York had been forwarded...I sat down on the deck agian my grandfathers journal in hand a pile of mail next to me.
July sixth nineteen eighty two. 10:00pm
Jessica,
I’m sorry I have let baisicly twnety four hours pass before I wrote to you, with you being so sick yet so perfect...I’m finding my self unable to sleep in my own house...your worring me Jessy...your grandmother lays asleep in the bed as I sit out on the deck... next to me a nothing but the clear lake air...I’m worried about you Jess...I am, I’ve been afiraid before...yes...but not like this, I’ve never had the risk of losing any of my children or grandchildren...and right now I find my self afriad that I may never learn who you are...that the world may never know who you are...I sit here and listen to the lake the soft waves coming in and out...as the light house’s distant light shows toward me...I can do only one thing...pray...Jessica if there is ever a time when you feel as though you are lost and helpless, kind of like you are now...just pray my darling...just pray... right now I’m praying for you my squirmy wormy...I am...you are a miricle Jessica... (he had always called my squirmy wormy...I just never really knew why.) Just that you made it through last night...that was a miricle...I’m praying you’ll stay, I want to watch you grow up...I’m sounding like a sap I know... but I’ve never been afirad like this Jessy not even in war...cause in war I was a doctor...I just helped, I never fought...I served but I saved lives Jessy...I can’t lose you...I vowed never to let one of my own die, you can’t leave us...you have to be able to read this...hold on my dear little squirmy wormy...hold on...stay with us...don’t go..don’t...that’s an order.
Grandpa Liam.
I noticed the ink was smudged in three places...tears...he had been crying...I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like I felt in that moment...but if you know that somebody cried for you...and you loved them so much...like if you’ve ever been sick and the person who took care of you, just think about them worring about you...to the piont where they cried. That amount of love is moving...so moving I sat the journal down and looked out to the waves knowing exactly what he was talking about. I grabbed up all my stuff and walked up the stiars and climbed into bed. The pianter at the door woke me up. I ran down the stiars and gave him the piant colors for each room and he got right to work...I made him breakfast and coffee...along with lunch and gave him a soda while I lugged the furniture boxes out to the porch and he just sat inside the house and worked...James came over and smiled at me as I sat amoung the parts which chould make a coffee table.
“You never were a mechanical mind.” he said as he got down on his knees.
“Well if I’m gonna live here I have to update it.” He grabbed my hand.
“Your moving in?” he asked as our eyes met.
“I don’t need to live in New York to write...maybe that’s what’s causing my writers block.” He wrapped me in his arms.
“Thank God!” he said rubbing my back.
“I’m just moving back I’m not pregnant or married.” he laughed at me.
“You better be the latter before the former.” he said pionting a finger at me.
“I’m never gonna do either if I don’t get this damn table together...” he laughed and we spent the next couple of hours putting furniture together. Then there was no moving it in cause the paint was still wet. So my brother and I sat on top of my new dining room table on a blanket each of us holding a beer. Leaning up agianst the house looking out at the lake.
“So Jessica Marks....after winning the oscar for best original screenplay and writing an award winning novel...and putting togethet or two thousand dollars worth of furnitiure...what are you gonna do?” he asked as we watched the sunset.
“Sleep...and read...and maybe write.” He laughed and took a drink.
“Oh so what are you gonna write about?” he asked looking at me.
“I have an idea.” I said and he poked my temple. “OW!”
“Oh yep I can feel the gears turning.” I smacked his arm. “OW!”
“Don’t poke me!” I said and he hit the bakc of my head and I wacked his side.
“Don’t hit ME!” he said grabbing my arm.
“Ugh!” I said shoving him and he rolled off the table taking me with him. “JAMES!” I yelled as he landed on top of me.
“You hit me.” he said as he pushed on my shoulders...I felt like I was six agian and we were rufhousing.
“You poked me first.” I said shoving agianst him.
“But I was just being the good big brother...” he said lifting my shoulders and slaming them down.
“Get off!” I yelled in his face and he rolled off me and we cleaned up the beer that had spilt and then he left and I went back out on to the deck and then I just laid down on the sand...feeling the white soft sand under my back it relaxed me to the point where I fell asleep, the soft waves crashing agianst the sand, the calls of the seaguls...the boats horns in the harbors heard over the dunes...home, putting me to sleep. Forcing me into my memories as a dream...I was dreaming about the time I trapped my self on the roof...my grandfather’s voice calling me to come toward the window...I was crying and he was comforting me when an unknown voice entered my head.
“Are you okay?” a deep voce asked from above me...soft and gentle as I felt a hand rub my cheek...a strong yet smooth hand. “Jessica...are you okay?” I opened my left eye...and knealing over me was a slightly tanned man...with the most amazing blue eyes...like a steal grey meets sky blue, and jet black hair...nothing but black...like a crayola crayon.
“Do I know you?” I asked as I made to get up and his strong arm held my back as I pushed back, and he chuckled and I saw he was wearing a pair of jogging pants and a tshirt....his I pod head phones were hanging from his neck.
“Rob...Rob Harrision.” he said as we both stood up.
“There is no way your Robbie Harrision.” He laughed and brushed off the sand from his sweats and I shook off my top.
“How ya been Jess?” he asked and I laughed...the man who I had found my self attracted to was the same little boy, I used to run around with...there are pictures of us when we were ten and covered in seaweed, which was the background on my computer, we had lost contact when he moved away...but I had always considered him my best friend.
“I’ve been okay...” I said and he rubbed my arm.
“I heard.” He said looking down.... “I’m sorry.” I nodded and a tear fell out of my eye...and he wrapped me in his arms, and I smelled him...I know wiered...but when your nose is pressed into a guy’s chest you smell him... he smelled like a mixture of armani code and the beach. “I’m so sorry Jess.” he said and I instinctevly held him...I felt this strange wierdness which shouldn’t be there...he was one of my old friends...it should be like hugging a brother...but it was like hugging your crush when he was dating your best friend. He pulled back and I smiled at him.
“So Robbie...” he laughed and we let go of eachother.
“So squirmy.” he said as he pulled the headphones off his neck and pushed them in the left pocket of his pants.
“How’s life?” he laughed and ran a hand through his hair.
“Well I’m a oncologist over at spectrum now...divorced... no kids....and shocked to find you comostose on the sand....” I laughed.
“I was just tired...rough week...writers block...funeral...so Dr. Harrision what brings you out to grand haven...surley you have an upscale apartment in the city.”
“Jessy to hear you call me Dr. Is just to wrong.” I laughed at him and he laughed. “I’m taking care of my grandpa...he’s not dieing or anything...I just needed sometime off...you can only deal with cancer patients for so long before you crack.” I nodded.
“I’m sure...” he looked up with a smile.
“But hey you have to be doing pretty well...I saw you win the Oscar...nice dress.” I laughed.
“That was the most uncomfortable piece of clothing I’ve ever worn.” I said and he cracked up...
“Well belated congrats.” I took a small bow and he clapped. “And nice speach...” I laughed and he smiled. “Yet you still seem to be the same person...”
‘Oh it’s nice to know I’m still as mature as a ten year old.” I said with my dry wit which made him crack up. “Thanks Harrision.” he laughed harder and Gipper barked and came bounding out the door. “GIPPER!” I yelled as he pinned Rob.
“Yours I assume.” he said as Gipper licked his face.
“Yeah sorry.” I said as I pulled his collar and he ran for the lake.
“Dalmatian cute.” I laughed...that was our movie...101 Dalmatians...we used to watch it on rainy days.
“He’s my gipper...” I said as he came back with a dead fish. “And he’s retarted...damn dog.” I said as he put the fish in my hand. “Why cant you use a stick like every other dog?” he barked and I chucked the fish.
“Why throw it?”
“Cause he’s annoying when he gets into a barking fit...” I said rubbing my arms in the evening light.
‘You cold?” he asked as he pulled the sweat shirt off his waist.
“Kinda.” I said and he put it on my shoulders. “Thanks.” I said with a smile...and his eyes met mine.
“No problem...I think the painter just left.” he said as we saw the paint truck drive out of sight.
“Yeah...I’d ask you inside but...it’s all being redone...” He grabbed my hand.
“Then we’ll hang out at my house.” He said with a smile, he had a gotten pretty cute...no he was so handsome...it wasn’t even funny...
“Rob...” I said as Gipper barked after me.
“Come on Jess don’t be a party pooper.” he said with that smile and I looked into those eyes, and I was lost.
“At least let me put gipper in the house.” I said with a smile and he relased my hand. And I grabbed it and pulled him to my house Gipper following me... Rob laughed as he looked at all the furniture on the porch.
“Oh so this is all deck furniture?” he asked and I laughed and gipper ran in the house.
“Oh ha ha...” I said as I placed gippers bowl on the floor and locked the front door. I walked around turning on three lights and then I stopped right before I came outside...looking around and shoving the keys in my pants.
“Can Jessy Play?” Rob asked from the other side of the door. I looked at him and smiled, I saw the little boy I used to play with standing there...only now the amazingly handsome man he had become was staring at me.
“I think she can...I just have to find her.” he laughed and I pulled open the door. locking it behind me. He was watching me...I could feel his eyes, those amazing eyes. “You know I should have known it was you.” I said as I pulled my converse sneakers off and walked barefoot in the sand. He smiled, and looked over at me...his hair blowing in the wind.
“Really? How should you have known?” I looked at him and then down.
“Your eyes. I always loved your eyes.” he smiled at me and laughed.
“Really now?” he asked and I could tell he was fighting off blushing.
“Yep...you should be proud of them....”
“There just my eyes.” he said as his grandfather’s house came into view.
“There also the gateway to your soul.” He looked at me, and I smiled.
“Don’t tell me your one of those philosphy nuts...” he said with a laugh...I shook my head.
“I lived in the big apple I know reality all to well.” he smiled and his grandpa came hurrying out to us.
“JESSICA!” He called as his feet hit the sand.
“Hey Frank!” I said as he wrapped me in his arms.
“Nice speach...Friday...” I laughed.
“It was a good one.” Rob said and I looked at him with a smile.
“I say what comes to mind.” I said looking down.
“Well you two need to get in the house...Robert...you can make dinner for both of us.” Rob rolled his eyes.
‘You cook?” I asked and he gave me a glare like don’t mock me. “That’s very admirable in a man.” he pushed my arm. “Oh wait forgot your still that little boy.” he smiled at me. “The one who used to push me into the lake....and put crawdads down my back...and”
“As I recall at age seven he tried to kiss you.” his grandfather said and I laughed.
‘I wouldn’t remebmer.” he said rubbing his head thourhly embarrassed.
“Oh I do.” I said and he looked at me.
‘You do?” he said as we walked up the porch.
“Yeah...we were on the front porch and you asked me if I would kiss you...I told you even though you were my best friend you had cootees...” he laughed and his grandfather chuckled.
“Always a charmer my robert.” his grandfather said with a smile.
“Yep.” I said and Rob smiled, and his eyes met mine and we held the gaze...and somthing clicked between us.
“Okay now Robert..what are you gonna cook...now that your back from your run.”
“I bought pasta...and shrimp...so seafood pasta...with whatever I can find in the fridge.” I laughed and he looked at me. “Excuse you...I’m a pretty good cook.” I smiled.
“No you just sounded a lot like my dad.” he smiled, and looked down at me. I hated being short...I’m not tall...and I hate when peple look down at me.
“Well why don’t you and grandad go set the table.” he said as he walked into the kitchen and I followed him in. He handed me three plates and three glasses and then fished around for silverweare. “You don’t have to....stay...” he said and I smiled at him.
“Right now...staying might be the best option.” he smiled and looked down.
“You miss him that much huh?” he asked and I set the plates down, and nodded.
“You were there ?” I asked, he nodded.
“I wanted to say hi...but you...I couldn’t talk to you when you were upset...it would just hurt to much...” I nodded and smiled at him.
“You still are that little boy.” I said as I grabbed the plates and walked out of the room. Frank and I talked over wine while Rob worked in the kitchen. He walked in to the room holding a pot with something which smelled amazing.
“Hey Jess...there’s a dish on the counter...could you...” I stood up and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a dish of cheesy carrots...my favorite...the achillies heal of Jessica Marks. Normal people only eat them in the winter...but even though it was june...I still was craving them. I walked into the dining room and Rob was pouring wine. I set them down and he smiled at me. “Thought you’d like them.” I laughed.
“I can’t remember the last time somebody cooked me dinner...besides a chef at a restaurant.” that made him laugh. “And I haven’t had cheesy carrots since two years ago Christmas.” He smiled and sat down across from me. I sat there with these two men...one I used to share everything with...the other one of my grand fathers old friends..just enjoying this amazing dinner that Rob had cooked.
“So does it pass the test?” Frank asked as I finished. I smiled and wipped my mouth.
‘I have to say it’s the best meal I’ve had in ages.” Rob smiled to himself.
“What that boyfriend of yours doesn’t cook?” I smiled and Rob looked down...and I noticed he was acting dissapionted.
“Uh... the boyfriend cooks for his new girlfriend now...who just happens to be my ex stylist.” Rob grimiced. “Yah.” I said taking a sip of wine.
“Oh so you’ve got his record of heartbreak...”
‘Yeah hey I wasn’t even invited...” he rolled his eyes.
“It wasn’t anything special...” he said looking at me.
“When one of your oldest friends gets married...your supposed to get invited.” he laughed.
“I didn’t think you’d remember me.”
“Are you kidding...we got married.” he laughed...it was true though... we were six , and we got married in the basement, in january...we were on the couch and he asked me to marry him...we said those vows that we only knew from t.v. and we were married. In the six year old way.
‘I remebmer that January...” Frank said. “He came home yelling...JESS AND I GOT MARRIED! Your grandma and his grandma had a great laugh at that one.” Rob looked at the table and shook his head.
“Oh god...we were exicting as children.” He said with a smile.
“Yes...you two were... Now look at you...both in good jobs...both grown up...and dull to the last.” Frank said with a laugh and that made me and Rob both start laughing. “It’s true...sure you’ve both had experinces...but do you have any adventures like you used to?” Frank asked and I looked down.
“Not really....I don’t think I’ve done anything with out passing it by agents and publicists, or gone somewhere without a notebook or computer in the past year.” I said looking up then down. “Since he left.” I said looking down.
“Jessy...if he left you he’s insane.” Frank said getting up.
“I wish you were right Frank.” I said sitting back.
“He is.” Rob said and I shook my head.
“I’m addicted to my work... and as he put it...unable to live with the real world...cause unlike those of us who live in the real world...I live in my mind along with all the other freaks who spend all day with thier computers...” frank tossed a roll at me.
“Jessica marks...your no freak...no freak could write that novel.” he said and Rob laughed.
“Frank you flatter me.” I said looking at him and I smiled and he kissed my forehead.
“Flattery, is for my grandson to do for you...I state the truth.” he said squeezing my shoulder and walking out of the room.
“He’s right Jess.” Rob said as we both stood up.
“Who is...your grandfather or Ian?”
“Ah so he has a name...and my grandfather.”
“GOOD BOY!” Frank called from the stiars.
“Honestly...Jessica, you can’t let a guy destroy your self image.” he said as we put the dishes in the sink.
“Where we’re you when he was swareing at me for coming into our bedroom with out knocking?” I said
“Probably getting yelled at for the same thing...” I put a hand on his bicep.
“She’s an idiot to leave you...” I said rubbing his arm.
“I was a fool to think she actually loved me...” He said looking up at window. I saw a bit of him crumble.
“Hey...Robbie...” I said rubbing his arm. He smiled.
“I haven’t been called that in years.” he said with a smile.
“Well I haven’t had a dinner like that in years...I haven’t had dinner with a person in years, two years. It’s been a plate for me and a plate for gipper...yes that’s the life of an Oscar winner...” I said pushing my self up on the counter. “I can’t live like the rest of them Rob.” I said and he looked at me quizacly as he turned on the water.
‘Like who?” he asked with a smile.
“The rest of those who have that little statute...” he sprayed me with the nozzle. “HEY!” I said pushing dish soap on his shirt.
“Listen to yourself...” He said with a smile. “You sound like an old man...”
“EXCUSE YOU!” Frank said from his bedroom.
“I agree.” I said letting my hair down. “What do you mean?”
“You say you can’t live like them...that isn’t a bad thing Jess...” I rolled my eyes.
“But you’d think that if you got to beat out Peter jackson and John Cusack...you’d be living this amazing life...full of adventure and glamour...with I don’t know...but here I am divuldging all of my self to...a man who was once the little boy who I used to run around with...who probably doesn’t want to hear my problems... I actually should be going...” I said and I got off the counter...and then just as I was about to leave.
“Jess... don’t go...” he whispered, and I stopped. “I made the mistake of walking away...”
“Your dad’s job was moving you...I understood.”
“But I could of written...or called...I thought about it when I was in high school...I thought about you...Jess...I’ve missed you...I missed being able to laugh like we used to...” he turned toward me. “I walked out of your life...and I’ve regretted it...everyday...” I smiled and felt a tear run down my cheek.
“Rob...you don’t need to try and get me to stay...” he grabbed my hand.
“I’m not trying...I’m confessing...” he said stealing one of the lines from my novel.
“Nice touch.” I said and he smiled.
“Jess you were my best friend...and when I saw you laying there in the sand like we used to...when we’d look at the clouds....I just felt at home...I knew it was you...I would have missed you if I didn’t always run by your house just to look over at it...I’ve been out here since march...I go in to the city every now and agian to see the special patients...but I’m home out here...out where I grew up...”
“We weren’t grown up when you left.” I said looking into those eyes.
“The happiest times of my life were on these shores...and the saddest...like when I came back two summers ago...compleatley unaware you had left...I ran over to your house and banged on the door and your grandpa smiled at me and hugged me...then when I asked where you were...he looked down...and then told me you were gone...that you’d moved out, away...left the lake behind.”
“The lakes a part of me I couldn’t leave it behind.”
‘I left you behind...and you’re a part of me.” he said catching me off guard. “Let’s go...” he said grabbing my hand.
“Where are we going?” I asked as he pulled me on to the beach.
“For a walk...we need to talk...where dog ears can’t hear.” he said as he grabbed the flashlight out from the bushes, and shoved it into his pant pocket. He wasn’t trying to make me laugh...he really wanted to talk.
“Rob are you okay?” I asked as the light from his house was slowly fadeing away. He grabbed my hand and laced our fingers.
‘I’m gonna ask you a question...okay...” I nodded and he stopped me. “I need to hear...I’m in the dark..”
“Yes it’s okay.” I said and he squeezed my hand. “Ask...unless you’re proposing.” he laughed.
“Jessica be my girlfriend?” I was shocked floored...out...nothing prepared me for that...nothing...you’re all sitting there like I knew it was comming...well good for you I didn’t...I had know idea...so I started sputtering... “I understand.” he said letting go and walking a head.
“Yes.” I said finaly...he stopped and turned around.
“What?” he asked I walked over to him and grabbed his hand.
“Yes.” He smiled and put his forehead on mine.
“Thank you.” he said squeezing my hand.
“Oh like I’m doing you some huge favor.” I said with a smile, he laughed.
“No it’s just I’ve wanted to ask you that since I saw your picture on the back of a book and after eleven years...I remembered everything.” I smiled and rubbed his cheek with my free hand.
“I’ve needed you...you’re the one charecter I never knew how to place.” he smiled and tilted his head.
“What?” he asked as we walked down the beach.
“There’s always one charechter made after you...sometimes the lady winds up with you...others you wind up with her best friend...either way your always happy.” He squeezed my hand.
“You know in my office I have a picture of us...when we were seven...”
“The one I gave you for christmas?” I asked and he smiled and nodded.
“You and me sitting on the deck all dressed up each holding a dr.pepper...what were we dressed up for?” He asked and I laughed.
“The man of the year ceremony.” He nodded.
“Ah yes.” he said like I shoud have known that.
“You were wearing a red dress...with white flowers.”
“My Annie dress.” I said with a smile.
‘What?”
‘That dress my grandpa called the Annie dress..you know leapin lizards...” he cracked up. “Oh you were better...you were wearing a little suit...with a dafy duck tie.” he looked at me.
“You can remember that much detial?” he asked like astounded.
“It’s a gift...just like I can remember what you were wearing on our wedding day.” He laughed at that.
“And it was?”
“Blue jeans...wet from the snow...a grey state sweatshirt...and blue socks...”
“And you were wearing?” he asked rubbing his thumb up and down my hand.
“A pink sweater...over blue jeans...and white socks.”
“A pink sweater with little scoty dog buttons.” he said and I laughed.
“And you think my memory’s good.?” I asked and he laughed.
‘It was a memerable moment....that was back when you wore your hair down to your waist...and it was always in pig tails or a pony tail...or on rare ocasions...a french briad.”
‘Yeah...the cursed long thick hair.” I laughed and he smiled.
“I like it like this...I like you like this...”
‘What do you mean?” I asked as we moved down so our feet touched the water.
“Being grown up...my girlfriend of...”
‘Three minutes.” he laughed.
“Being as beautiful as you are...Jess don’t say I’m flattering you...you are beautiful...and talented...and well perfect...” I stopped him.
‘Your saying the little trouble maker is gone aren’t you...” he laughed.
“I think when you your self said you had to find her...” I pushed him into the lake, he yelped and was compleatley un aware I was gonna do it...he stood up and he came walking out spitting out lake water and soaking wet...he looked at me like he used to when we were little, the I’m so gonna hurt you look, only now I knew he was playing... “YOUR DEAD MARKS!” He yelled as he chased me down the beach, the sand flying behind us as we ran and laughed..... I was laughing so hard I was crying, and it was good to be crying from that for a change....he fianally caught up with me, right out side his house...he grabbed my jeans and pinned me on the sand. “You little...” he said from above me.
“Trouble maker?” I asked and he laughed, and our eyes met... “Call off the Amber alert...I found her.” he laughed and I ran my hands through his wet hair. He closed his eyes and I rubbed the back of his neck.... “Sorry.” I whispered and he smiled, and opened his eyes.
“For what?” He asked and I saw that little grin the one that meant trouble.
“Well pushing you in the lake.” I knew what was happening...so I tried to pull away and he held me there...and I knew...
“Oh don’t apologize Jessy.... your going in.” he said picking me up. He was strong...and I was actually turned on by it...and then I realized we were headed for the freezing water....I yelped and fought agianst him, he laughed and held me tight and I fought hard.
“Come on Robbie...please....” he laughed shook his head and tossed me into the lake, I shrieked and grabbed his shirt and pulled him in with me. I felt his knees buckle as we both became covered in the cold water... we chased each other, like some strange game of tag, in the faint cast of the light house and the greeness of the water...I saw this amazing man...who seemed to fly when underwater, his hair floating around as did his clothes...he always seemed to look at me the way somebody wants to be looked at...when we surfaced of course...I was freezing but was stil having more fun then I had since I moves away. We swam for twenty minutes, at times he would hold on to me and it was dangerous how close we were...then one time he pulled me into him and was about to kiss me when Frank came out with this huge flash light and called us in. “Uh oh...busted.” Rob said in the way he used to, I ran a hand through his hair and made for shore.
“You two are lucky all your cell phones and crap are in the house...now get in here...before one of you gets sucked out.” We swam towards shore and stumbled out of the water. Frank hit the back of Rob’s head.
‘Hey!” Rob said rubbing his head.
“What we’re you thinking?” He asked and rob smiled. “You both could have drown.”
“We weren’t thinking.” he said with a shrug.
“True.” I said and frank wacked the back of my head.
“Hey!” I said and he pionted a finger at me.
“That’s from your grandad.” I laughed and he put a towell over my shoulders and handed rob one. Then he wabbled back inside, muttering stuff like you can take this trouble maker and this trouble maker and vuala you have a couple of trouble makers...who make a cute couple...or stupid kids...gonna get themselves killed and then as the door closed and Rib was rubbing the towell over his head.... I don’t know what happened but I just felt hot tears fall down my face. Rob had walked over to the deck of his house and pulled out the blanket we used to build forts with.
“Hey jessy... come on.” he called and I turned around and he saw my eyes and stood up. “Jess what’s up?” I shrugged.
“I really don’t know why I’m crying...I don’t.” I said looking at him. “Maybe it’s just knowing that he would have wacked me with a book or something...” Rob wrapped me in his arms and I felt his amazing body once agian...
“Let’s just lay out on the porch...okay...just be here with me..” I nodded and looked up at him.
“I think that’s what I need.” He smiled and we walked over to the old porch swing and sat down...he wrapped his arm around me and I fell into him....then he moved so we were laying down...the blanket drapped over us...and then the porch light flicked off.
“He’s watching.” rob whispered, in this shh don’t move voice... I loved his deep, dark...amazing voice like that.
“Then close your eyes and pretend to be asleep...and he’ll go to bed.” I said closing my eyes.
“So you think.” he whispered, rubbing his hand on my arm.
“It’s what eleven...he has to go to bed at some point.”
“Oh..oh...he’s climbing the sitars...oh one last look...night grandpa...” he said with a smile and, a little wave of his fingers.... I laughed as I heard Frank say.
“Night you pansy...”
“Do you still wanna go home?” Rob asked as he pulled the blanket up, and I pulled it up to my chin and snuggled in...feeling how tired I was.
“Nope...” I said as I snuggled up to him, feeling his body close to mine the smell of his colonge and the lake wafting into my nose as his arms held me...I felt his body relax, and I felt my self relax into him...for the first time in two years I had a boyfriend...and to top it off I knew a lot more about him then I ever did Ian...I knew his parents...his grandpa...his favorite colors everything...that a ten year old would know about thier best friend....but I felt something when I was in Rob’s arms...something I never felt when Ian held me...I felt wanted...needed even...I felt at peace...at home...and it was both frigtening because it’s strange how quick it came...and refreshing cause I wanted to feel like that...so many days of my life had I wanted to feel like that.
“We’re gonna get sick you know that...” He said kissing my forehead I smiled and nodded.
“But then Frank can take care of us...” Rob smiled and pulled me deeper into his arms and I layed my head on the accent pillow and rob closed his eyes, I just stared at this man...this amazing man...who I knew had been hurt...and all I wanted to do was take care of him...learn more about him...hold onto him...be with him.
“Night Jess...” he whispered, moving his head so his face was inches away and I could smell the shrimp on his breath.
“Rob...” I whispered and he opened one eye, and the amazing sky blue color met mine.
“Yeah?” He asked like what...
“Do you still have cooties?” he laughed.
‘I’ve had my shot, all us guys have that shot when we hit puberty...why?” he said with an actual question, tilting his head a little
“Well if your cootie free then you can kiss me..right?” he opened both his eyes and I saw the faint light from the living room cast beautiful shadows on his face. He had this kinda shocked, floored expression.
“What?” he asked rubbing my side, his thumb pressing into my hip. “What did you just imply?” he asked placing his forehead on mine.
“Rob...Kiss me.” I said in what I hoped was a sexy whisper... he smiled and I leaned into him and we danced around actually kissing for around ten seconds and then it happened...our lips met...his lips were soft and gentle...as his hands pulled me into him, to the piont where I had to entwine my legs with his. It was the most amazing kiss I have ever had...it started off as just a series of pecks...which moved on to a passion filled make out session...he kissed my lips...and my neck and my eyes ...and all over with out being disgusting...then our lips met agian and this spark flew through me. He and I both pulled back, I slowly opened my eyes and he was staring at me with this amazing look...it was not shock...and not a smile... this gaze and I loved the way the light caught in his eyes, I rubbed his face pushing his black hair back behind his ear...he blinked and his hand put this warm tingle on my lower back.
“Um wow.” he said with a smile, breaking the silence
“Your saying wow...I should be saying wow.” I said and he rubbed my back.
“Jess you’re a good kisser.”
“Kissing is a two way thing...you both have to be good at it...and Rob honey you are.” he laughed hard at being called honey
“Nobody besides my mother has ever called me Honey.” he said rubbing my cheek with his thumb
“How is Dora?” I asked and he smiled.
“Still locked in her kitchen...and when I call her and tell her that I’m dating you...estaticed.” I smiled and looked in his eyes. “Jess...I didn’t mean to you know bring back...memories....” I put my fingertips on his lips stopping him.
“You don’t lose the people I’ve lost with out thier being a reason...that’s what I’ve learend...don’t apologize okay...” he put his tounge on my fingers. “EWW!” I said and he laughed.
“That always grossed you out...my tounge, I used to lick like your arm and youd scream...” I smiled and he laughed.
“I was a girl Rob...that freaks girls out...but now I can think of better things for your tounge.” he smiled at that. “That was me attempting to be sexy...see how sad that is...how bad I am at...it.” he laughed and played with my hair.
“I think your sexy....even though that was a little rough.” I hit his chest. “OW!” he said and I laughed.
‘Serves you right.” he smiled.
“I never said I could do better or it was terrible...it was a very seductive tone but...the fact that you smell like a lake doesn’t help.” I rolled over so my back was to him. “That’s not a punishment.” I got up. “That is...” he said quickly “come back...” he said holding his arms out.
‘You come here.” I said pionting to where I was standing.
“I’m tired...” he said and I took a step down on to the first step. “No...” he said like I was a dog. I took another step. “Bad...stop...stay.” he said sitting up I set my feet in the sand and kept my stright face. “Jessica...stay...” I looked at him and smiled.
“Woof.” he laughed and I took a step into the dark as he got up.
“Hey I got up...I’m coming...” Every step he took I took one back “Jess...I remeber this game I never liked it.”
“Really cause I’m loving this...” he ran at me and I sprinted toward my house...
“Oh come on Jessy....” he said as I climbed the sitars to my porch.
“What?” I asked and he chased me around the deck.
“Jessica Leo Marks...give in...I’m gonna catch you eventually...” I laughed and tossed a pillow at his face and ran in the house. “Oh come on...”
‘Your not a vampire you can come in with out me inviting you.” I said and he pulled open the door and pinned me against the wall. “Rob...” I said as he towered over me.
“Shh.” he said and he leaned down and kissed me, I felt this passion in his lips and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He pulled me into him and kissed me hard. We were standing in the hallway making out when he pulled away. “I should probably go home....”
“Oh no you don’t” I said pulling his head to me and I kissed him.
‘Jess I know that if I stay I’m gonna end up trying to get you in to bed and you mean to much to...”
“Let’s just go upstiars and you can sleep in my bed...with out having sex with me...and then tommorow we can hang out with gipper...go out...but I can’t go to bed alone tonight and as good as gipper is to fall asleep with....he’s got bad morning breath.” Gipper barked. “I give you the breath bones and you just spit em out.” he huffed and laid his head down. “ so what do you say?” he smiled at me and kissed me.
“I don’t know.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him up the stiars. “You still sleeping in the sun porch?” he asked and I nodded.
“It’s the only room I can sleep in.” I said as I pushed open the door. He took a deep breath and pulled my waist back into him.
‘I can’t sleep in Jeans.” he said and I grabbed his arms.
“I can’t either...I’m not gonna try and fuck you okay...” he laughed.
“Thank you for that...but I mean I sleep in my boxers...” I laughed and turned in his arms.
“I won’t mind that.” he laughed and kissed me.
“Just please don’t sleep in like a silk nighty or...somthing that’s like New York victoria secret...and oh my god.” he said as he saw the Oscar.
“God...I forgot that thing was here.”
“Oh it’s just sitting on your dresser...”
“I was drunk when packing my bags...and when drunk I normal pick it up and walk around with it...I’m an ugly drunk.”
‘You could never be ugly Jess...” he said picking it up, “God it’s heavy...” he said with a smile.
“It should be it holds the crushed dreams of eight other people.” He cracked up and turned toward me.
“I’d like to thank...um well.. I don’t know what I won this for...”
“Best original Screenplay.” I said walking into the bathroom.
‘I’m not a writer.” He said from the other room.
“It’s not hard.” he laughed.
“Oh really...you see that’s where you’re a little modest my dear.”
“Come on...”I said as I ran a brush through my hair and laughed at the curls.
“Question...did you write that whole movie...like no help.” I laughed and washed my faced.
“Yes...kinda...”
“Kinda?” he asked with a yawn.
“The charecters are based off people I know...and movies I like...but mainly it’s just taking a basic concept of plot and charecter study and forcing them into the world so you can get from piont A to B...that and you control everything...your god...so through words actions sets and plot you make going from a to b...an adventure...a journey and just...I don’t know...what you want.” I said as I came out wearing a pair of striped pajama shorts and a queen t-shirt. “Not sexy right?” I asked and he smiled and I saw he was wearing nothing but the black boxers...the tight kind...oh god...
“Oh you’d be surprised.” He said and I laughed and walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers...I caught a glimpse of his six pack and muscular arms...he was in great shape...amazing shape... “So how do we do this?” he asked standing next to the bed.
“Well where do you sleep at home.”
“Dead center of a twin.” I laughed.
“And this is a king...okay...so we split the middle.” he smiled and we slid into bed...I felt those eyes watch me as I streched out like a cat...my normal routine.
“What are you doing?” he asked as I rolled onto my side.
“Streching.” I said as if it was compleatly normal.
“Okay?”
“What don’t you have somthing strange you do before you fall asleep?” he nodded... “And?”
“Your just gonna laugh at me Jess.” he said as he rolled onto his side, and drapped an arm across my waist.
“Um and you holding my Oscar...wasn’t gonna make me laugh at you?” he tickled my side.
“What’s it been fifteen years and your still tickilish in the same spot.” he said minipulating it.
‘Stop...” I said and he just tickled me harder and I laughed out loud and grabbed his arm tickiling him under his arm and he cried out.
“OH JESS!” he said as we both let go and looked up at the cealing his hand underneath me. “I haven’t laughed like that since Marie left...I’ve really missed you...”
“Well I’m here now...I’m yours now...and your gonna tell me what your little secrets are...all of them...I’m gonna know everything about you...Robert...” he looked at me and smiled.
“Jessica, did you just say your mine?” I nodded and put my head on his shoulder.
“Yes I did.” I said looking at him. He kissed me, and rubbed his nose agianst mine. “Nice eskimoo kiss.”
‘See I’m a good kisser in every fashion.” I laughed and rubbed his chin and he kissed my hand. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hold you like this Jess...” he whispered as the clock hit twelve.
“You know what Rob...I think I do...I think deep down...your what I’ve wanted in a man...and nothing beats the original...” he smiled and those amazing eyes met mine.
“I think I’m falling in love with you.” he said turning his head.
“I think I’m falling in love with you.” I said looking into those eyes.
“God Jess...what are we gonna do when you go back.” I laughed and he looked over at me. “What theres nothing funny...your getting the house ready to sell..your gonna be....”
‘Moving in...” he looked at me with a smile. “I don’t need to be a mile away from my editior to write...” He laughed and kissed me. “But you’re the one who’s living in the city...” He shook his head...
“Marie got the apartment...all my stuff’s at Franks.” I smiled and I knew he was hurt
“Are you okay?” I asked and he nodded.
“For once I am...Jess...I loved her...I did...god I didn’t...” he said looking at the cealing...
‘What?”
“Jessica...the woman I married..I never loved...I just thought I did...I just realized that...” he said sitting up.
“Ah I am good for somthing...I create ephany.” he laughed and looked back at me.
“Jess...I didn’t invite you to my wedding because I didn’t want you to see me with her...” I sat up and rubbed his back...tracing the out lines of his spine.
“Rob you don’t have to do this not now...you don’t have to explian the reason your marrige ended....it’s really not my place to even ask...”
“You’re my girlfriend , and my best friend...it’s in every way your place....and I need to tell you...I need to tell somebody...well there was the fact she was cheating on me...” I nodded. “And when I asked her why...why she was sleeping with the lawyer from her firm...she said it was because he could love her in a way I never could...” I climbed around so I was facing him.
“Rob...”
“Shh ...just let me finish...” I saw tears...god that killed me... “She said that there was this wall I was creating...that I was too addicted to my work that...I spent more time with dieing people then I did with my wife...that I cared more about my patients then I did my wife...that the only reason I ever asked her was because she was the only prospect...I’m twenty six I shouldn’t be divorced...I should be getting married...having kids...not wallowing over a woman who I never loved and who never loved me...” I rubbed both my hands on the sides of his head.
“Rob...” he diddn’t look up. “Robert...” No movement. “ROBERT ANDREW HARRISON!” he looked up and a tear fell down his cheek.
“Sorry...just didn’t want you to...” I wiped his tears. “I bet I’m really handsome now right now that you know the baggege which comes with.” I nodded.
“You are...okay...Rob...if you didn’t love her...and she was what you say she was...then she’s not worth your tears...and not worth the pain...if there’s one thing I’ve learend from being a heartbroken writer it’s that...pain can be the deepest inspiration...but it what we do yo pull ourselves out of the pain...what we do to get out of the viscous hurt...that’s what pushes us on...that’s what creates who we are... That’s what heals us and allows us to move on...allows us to see that even though it might look dark and dreerey the sun will shine...and it’ll shine for a long time. ” He grabbed my face and kissed me.
‘Where have you been?” he asked and I rubbed his chest.
“Right next door...and in here.” I said stopping on his heart.
“When I go to bed at night...I think of the lake...I imagine what it looks like at sunset...Marie hated to come out here...she hated the stories I used to tell...she said they were my past why bother living in them...” I scoffed.
“How did you wind up with her?” I asked and he laughed.
‘You weren’t around.” I laughed.
“I know were dating...but we don’t need to talk like that...you don’t need to talk like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like we’re getting married or were gonna get married.”
“What if I want to?” he asked with a smile.
“Then all you have to do is look at me like that.” I said and he smiled, bigger.
“Cause you like my eyes.” he said and I rolled my eyes.
“Oh your still a child.” I said as I crawled back to the pillow case.
“And you’re all grown up?” He asked as he put one hand on the other side of me so he was kinda knealing above me. “Miss let me push you in a lake and then run...Miss...one step forward two stepps back...miss...”
‘I get it...” I said and he kissed me.
“I look in your eyes and I see my child hood...I see the eyes of the best friend I’ve ever had....and to know that deep down inside...your still Jessy... is the most comforting thing in the world.” he said laying his head on my chest. I rubbed his hair and he held my waist. “I can hear your heartbeat” he said tiredly.
“Dang I’m still alive.”
“What?” he asked his breath against my chest.
“I thought I’d died and gone to heaven...but then Liam would come in...” he rubbed my sides and I took a deep breath.
“Your heart’s picking up speed.” he said looking up at me. “Cause your crying...Jess.” he said reaching up and rubbing my cheek. “He wouldn’t want you to cry...” I nodded.
‘I know...” I said looking at the windows...nothing but darkenss. “But I miss him...so much...and I didn’t even get to say goodbye or tell him I love him one last time...all I got was a phone call from James...” Rob sat up and pulled me up and I wrapped my arms around him and he let me cry into him...for a half hour I cried...all the time Rob never once annoyed or bored...a few times I felt his own tears hit my shoulder or neck.
“Come on Jess...lay with me.” he whispered as we laid down...he wrapped me in his arms and kissed my forehead, and temples... “just be here...with me...like the old sleep overs...in the attic...”
“We’d need flashlights and scary books...and sleeping bags...”
“And the old blankets and sheets we’d make tents out of...and then the poetry books I used to sneak and you’d always call me a wus cause I’d read a happy poem after you’d read a scary as hell story.”
“You were a wus...you’d wake me up at three in the morning...Jess...the hook handed murder is out side the window...Jess...”
“You’d through a bear or something at me...and tell me it was just a story that Kris used to read them and they were just stories...” he laughed. “Remember the sleep over when it rained and thundered all night?” I nodded. “Wasn’t that fun?” I shook my head. “What why not?”
“That was the night my mom died Rob.” he froze...
“Jess...I’m sorry I just thought that was later...I’m sorry.” I looked at him.
‘What did I say about saying your sorry.” he laughed and looked at me. “I had fun that night Rob...but after you left...Grandpa told me...”
‘You cried for six days...you wouldn’t leave your room...I sat in bed with you and we watched 101 Dalmatians on a loop...you wouldn’t move...and during the funeral... we hid in the attic...and I told you funny stories trying to get you to laugh.” I smiled...I remembered that.
“And I was a sour puss...and yelled at you.”
“I understood Jess.” he said as he twriled my hair in his fingers. “I understand.” I rubbed his chest and put my head on his chest and smiled.
“I hear your heart beat.” he laughed.
“And it’s normal right.”
“For now.” I said and he laughed. “But I’m to tired to mess around with it.” he laughed.
“Good...come here.” he said pulling me up and looking in my eyes. “I think of you every night before I fall asleep...I lay there and I wonder what’s Jess doing? How’s life for her? Is she alright? And I swear there are nights when I’m worried about you...when I have this terrible feeling that somethings wrong.” I rubbed his hair and his neck. “You know...your touch is like my moms.” I pulled away.
“Thanks Harrison.” I said and he laughed
“No when I was little she used to rub my back and sing...and her touch always made me feel better...like when we moved...she’d rub my back and talk to me...your touch is like that...it comforts me...makes me feel wanted....loved....like a man...”
“All from me rubbing your hair just cause I think it’s soft...jeeze and I thought I was the writer.” he laughed and kissed me.
“Okay Jess...I’ve given you...some deep secrets here...your turn.” I looked at him and rolled my eyes.
“Can it wait till morning? I’m beat.” He smiled and kissed me passionetley.
“Over coffee?” he asked and I nodded.
“In bed.” I said as I pulled the covers up to my chin.
“You still sleep like a bug in a rug.” he said and I nodded, and entwined our legs.
“Night Robbie.” I said in a whisper.
“Night squirmy.” he said as his arms entrapped me and I felt this wave of comfort. I fell asleep almost momentarily. And woke up six hours earlier to Rob’s sleeping face... he looked so at peace...so soft. I slid out of bed and he stirred then huffed and was back asleep. I walked downstairs and grabbed the diary and made coffee. I walked up the machine and set it in the bathroom and filled up my mug and he didn’t even move...I sat down on the window sill and opened the diary sliding my glasses on my face. I read about my father being born and the moments in his life that made him a man. I looked at my son...and I saw my eyes...his mother’s nose...and a grin which would drive women mad...I saw myself in my oldest son...your father...he’ s always made me proud Jess...always...and something tells me you will be just like him. I set the diary down and looked out at the sunrise...I looked over at Rob...his back was to me...and I saw his leg twitch. I smiled and gipper came trotting in.
“Shh.” I said and the dog followed my gaze...then huffed and I grabbed my mug and he jumped up and laid his head down on my thigh. At six forty five Rob moaned and stretched out then sat up abruptly.
“Jess!” he said loudly, “god did I break in here?” he asked as he tossed the covers off.
“Nope..” I said and he looked at me.
“Oh so you slept there?”he asked. “What I wasn’t good enough to sleep with.”
‘I’ve been up for twenty minutes.” I said and he ran a hand trough his hair and by mistake I checked him out...I mean he was sitting there towards me legs apart looking down. I checked him out....and then rubbed gippers ears noticing he was from my experince well endowed. He got up and pulled on his sweats. “Coffee...in the bathroom.”
‘Oh it’s like a hotel.” he said in this girly voice jumping his feet as he walked in.
“Oh shove it.” I said as he came out holding the MSU mug.
“Okay Jess...we had a date.” He said pionting to the bed. “What you reading?” he asked as I got up and he saw the journal.
“My grandfather’s journal.” I said and he smiled.
“He talking to you from the grave?” he asked with a nod of the head as he climbed into bed and I walked over.
“Actually there all like letters to me...since I’m the baby...” Rob laughed.
“Ah the Joys of being an only child.” he said and I smiled.
“Oh yes rub it in.” I said as I slid into bed.
“Okay...let’s play you ask me I ask you...till we get bored...” he said wrapping an arm around me.
“So do I go first?” he shook his head.
‘I do...” he said taking a sip. “Good coffee.” he said and I smiled.
“His special brand.” I said and Rob smiled.
“Folgers.” we both said then started laughing....
“Okay ask.” I said and he smiled.
“Biggest Fear...phobia...”
“Snakes...” I said and he smiled.
“How girlish.” he said and I hit his hand. “Ow.” I made the Awww sound and kissed his hand. “Oh ha ha...ask.”
‘Where’d you go to college?”
“Notre Dame..graduated fifth in the class” I smiled.
“So Robbie has brians.” I said with a smile.
“What about you...what rank.”
“Third...in the literature school...”
“Oh and I have brians...”
‘Med school’s a little bit more impressive then a literary degree.” I said with a smile.
“But an oscar out weighs a med degree.” I shook my head. “Um yeah.”
“What you do...you save lives...I could only hope to put one grian of sand on the scale to tilt on my side...” he laughed.
‘Oh now I hear the poet in you comming out...” he said as we flipped on the t.v.
“Oh well I’m sorry but you don’t study Poe for three semsters and not get a little out of it.” he laughed.
“Okay your turn...” he said and I smiled and took a sip of my coffee.
“Where you met Marie.” he sighed.
“This is happy...can we keep it happy?”
“Fine...um... did you read my book?” he nodded.
“Loved it too...by the way.”
“Well that makes me feel good....” I said and I kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
“For what reading your book or loving it?”
“Both.” I said and he smiled.
“Okay my turn...how many relationships have you had in your life?” I sighed.
“Including this one?” I asked and he nodded.
“Five.” he looked at me with a shocked face.
“Five?” I nodded.
“Why...how many have you had?”
“Three.” I smiled.
“I think...I’ve been a bit recluse.” I said and he nodded.
“Before or after high school.”
‘Three in high school...one in college...and one here.”
“One in high school...a marrige...and here.” he said taking a sip of coffee. “Okay...I met her at a football game...we dated for three years...got married at twenty one...divorced at twenty three...that’s all she is now...”
“Fine by me...” I said rubbing his leg.
“How’d you and what’s his name...Ian...meet...and what happened?” I sighed and sat back.
“I was sitting in a bookstore...writing...just gotten off my shift at the bookstore when...this tall brown haired man walks over and puts a coffee on the table... we spend the next four hours talking about everything there is to talk about...and the next two years, goining through the relationship...I thought would end with marrige...not me comming home to him in bed with her...I stood there frozen the man I had fallen in love with doing what I thought was supposed to be reserved for me...with that Slut...and I’m not just saying that cause of what they did....cause she was one...she walked around in little leather skirts and tube tops... she could put a good out fit together...but would she ware one? No...so I watched and then he got up and he...he...”
“He hit you...” Rob said looking at me shocked. “Jessica did he hit you...”
“No...he did worse...” I said looking up.
“What’s worse?” Rob asked getting up looking kinda mad.
“He, shut the door to our bedroom and he grabbed me by the shoulders and pinned me up agianst the wall...he didn’t rape me or hit me...but what he said...was worse then any blow, I could have delt with the bruise or broken bone...gone to therapy for the rape...but to be called nothing but a meal ticket...to be called useless...to be told you were never wanted...that he was only in it because he wanted to ride my fame...ride the money....” I started to cry. “He told me that every time he said I love you was to shut me up and get me to lay down....and I let him do that rob...I let him hurt me...and now he’s married..not to her...he has a little boy... how can that vial man have a wife and child?” he picked me up and wrapped me in his arms.
“Jess...I promise you...I will never ever say that to you...never ever think that about you...Jessica he’s wrong...okay...you can’t let him control you...I promise on my life and yours that I wont ever hurt you...you mean to much...okay.” I nodded and pulled his face to mine and kissed him. We talked for another thirty minutes until we had fully caught up and then he smiled and looked at me.
“Okay...your turn.”
“What do you wanna do today?” I aksed and he smiled and took my coffee and set his and mone on the ground and kissed me.
“Kiss you...” he said and his coffee breath was enticing.
“All Day?” I asked and he pulled the covers over our heads.
“All day...” he said and he kissed me.
“You wouldn’t want to go for a walk...or...out for lunch...or in to town?”
‘Nope...I just want to kiss you...”
“We don’t have to be here for you to kiss me...” I said as I ran my hands through his hair.
“I don’t?” he asked kissing me.
“No.” kiss. “You can...” kiss “Kiss me...” kiss. “Anytime...” Kiss. ‘You...” kiss. “Want.” he laughed and kissed me passionteley.
“I can can I?” he asked and I rubbed the back of his neck.
“It comes with the boyfriend package.” he laughed, “But come on...let’s go somewhere do somthing...”
“You want me to walk over to my angry grandfather’s house...and face the you slept with her...did you use a condom speach?”
‘I’ll go with you...” I said and he smiled.
“It won’t change it...”
“Oh come on...” I said and he gave me this look like make me.
“Marks...give me any reason not to leave...” I wrapped my legs around his waist.
“Cause if you don’t....” I whistled and gipper jumped on the bed and groweled at him.
“Jess.” he said looking at me then the dog. “Jess....your legs make me wanna stay...the angry dalmation....is freaking me out.” I pulled up and wrapped my arms around his neck. Gipper started barking.... “Jess....what are you doing?” I kissed him and he wrapped his arms around me then we were on the ground...Gipper barking and growiling at him.
‘Mu guardian.” I said standing up and rubbing his ears.
“Oh that’s low Marks real low.”
“I never said I’d let you...or that he wouldn’t have done it.” Rob stood up and pinned me.
“I’d watch your ass..” I said and he looked at me like what.
‘He bites.” Rob pushed on to his hands and flipped over me and I rolled on to him.
“We shouldn’t do this not now...” he said and I smiled.
“Then why don’t we go out?” he smiled and kissed me standing up...I wrapped my legs around his waist and he held me up.
“Fine...” he said and I made to get down. “Oh your not going anywhere.” he said tightening his grip.
“Ow...your gonna cut off the circulation to my legs...” he laughed.
“Fine by me...” he said kissing my neck.
“Don’t start something you don’t intend to finish.” I said closing my eyes. Holding back moaning. “Please put me down...” I said and he set me down holding my face in his hands.
“Where do you want to go?” he asked in a whisper.
“I have an idea...go home get dressed meet me back here for breakfast in about a half hour?” I asked and he grabbed his t-shirt.
“Sounds good...no great sounds great.” I smiled and he pulled on his shirt then once we stood at the front door...he looked at me. “Ten bucks the whole town knows about it by sundown.” he said with a smile.
“About what?” I asked and he kissed me.
“Us...” I laughed.
“I think they’ll say it’s been a long time comming.” he laughed and I hugged him, his arms snaked around me and I smiled and pulled back as Gipper barked. “Give it a rest...” I said and he whinned and laid down.
‘Oh he’s like part of your mind...that’s just creepy.”
‘He’s my gip.” I said kissing him.
“So we taking my car or yours?”
“What kinda car you driving?”
“Jetta.” he said with a shrug.
‘Your car takes less gas.”
“What you driving a truck.” I pionted to the suburban. “Oh my god...you drive that?” I nodded.
“It’s the tank.” I said and he laughed.
‘Okay I gotta get back...he’s watching.” I pulled him into me and kissed him....I heard a yes from the screened in porch of Franks house.
“FINALLY!” Frank called and Rob and I laughed.
“See you in a half hour.” I said kissing him.
“See ya.” he said jumping backwards off the porch and walking with a smile on his face. I dashed inside and pulled on Jeans and a fashionable t-shirt from Banna Rebublic...my trademark black converse sneakers...not high tops....I ran down the stiars and grabbed the aunt Jemima waffles from the frezzer and popped four of them in the toaster...and then scrambled eggs put them on a plate and heated up the syrup and set it on the counter...along with coffee...when I was pleased with how it looked he knocked on the front door...him and the painter.
“Who’s the guy?” Rob asked pionting a thumb at him.
“Same question.” the painter Roy said and I smiled.
“Roy the painter this is Rob the boyfriend....Rob the boyfriend this is Roy the pianter.”
“Hi...” they both said shaking hands.
“I smell eggs.” Rob said comming in.
“In the kitchen...Roy have you eaten?” I asked and he nodded.
“My wife makes breakfast...before o leave.” I nodded.
“You won’t mind us eating will you?”
‘If I get a cup of coffee no.” I smiled and followed rob in and came to the painter in the dining room with a cup of coffee... I walked back into the kitchen and Rob was walking out on to the deck plate and coffee in hand.
“Come on Jessy...let’s eat on the deck.” I smiled and followed him. I sat down under his arm eating with my hands.
“What?” I asked as I bit into a waffle and he kissed my neck, his breath cold with toothpaste and warm with passion. He kissed my neck three times and then my lips. “What’s going on?” I asked as he pulled back and I looked in those eyes.
“I just wanted to kiss you...you taste like coffee...good coffee.” he said looking out at the lake as the sun just came above the horizion.
“Thank you...you taste like toothpaste and waffles...” he smiled, and kissed my temple.
“So where are we going?” he asked and I smiled.
“We’re gonna go to the ford museum.”
“Oh come on.”
‘Hey...it’s fun...okay the Van Andel...” he smiled.
“Better...we can go the planitarium there...” I smiled and he and I finished the breakfast in quiet. Then when we walked in Gipper was bearing his teeth.
‘No Gipper...he’s good...” Gipper licked air begging for my face. “Nope...no kisses...” he whinnned. “Nope in your crate...” I pionted and the dog laid down on his bed. “Good dog.”
‘That’s not a crate.”
‘He wont move till I tell him he can...” I said picking up his food bowl and putting it next to him and his water.
“You trianed him well.”
“No the people at Pet Smart trianed him well.” I said scratching his ears. “Good boy...stay.” he licked my hand, as if to say okay. “I can’t have him running around my apartment...a because he could wiggle his way out of a window or somthing and that would be terrible...” I said as I walked out the front door Rob shaking his keys as he brushed the crumbs off his grey button up shirt...
“Oh yeah after this morning that dog means a whole lot to me.” he said as we got in.
‘He was protecting me...he thought you were hurting me.”
‘You could have told him I was good...boyfriend good..” he said as we pulled out of the drive.
“Well...I wanted to get you out of bed.” he laughed.
‘Oh it was planned....ugh your still a child.” he said hitting his head on the wheel.
“And that’s bad...” He laughed and I heard standards coming from his cd player. “Are you a Sinatra boy?” I asked turning it up.
“I like Standards and Jazz...along with eighties and seventies rock...” he said as I listened to Michael Buble...
“Man it’s funny how much we have in common.” he grabbed my hand and laced our fingers.
“Or maybe we just match.” he said with a shrug.
“Maybe.” I said with a smile as I sat back and looked around. We drove until the city of Grand Rapids came into view...the skyline in the morning sun always made me smile...it wasn’t New York and for that I was glad. He parked and we got out...my black purse slung over my shoulder we walked hand and hand into the museum bought two tickets to the full museum and walked in...the blue whale bones above my head making me laugh as I remembered being five and Rob scaring me as I looked up at them. “Don’t even try.” I said as he was looking around that look of mischief in his eyes.
‘Oh come on Jess.” he said looking at me.
“Dr. Harrison?” a woman asked from behind us.
“Oh dr.” I said with a smile and he rolled his eyes. Then turned around with a smile.
“Yes?” he asked and the woman in front of me had hair that only passed the tips of her ears by milliameters... she had a smile on her face. “Mrs. Person?” he asked letting go and walking over and hugging her.
“Yes....how’ve you been?”
“Great...I’ve been great...”
“Well I’m glad to hear that...it was a pity to have to meet you the way I did, in both our lives...but I’m thankfull we did...”
“As am I...Jess.” he said looking back at me.
“I know your face.” The woman said with a smile.
“Jessica Marks...Maurine Person...she was a patient of mine a year and a half ago...she’s been in remission for close to a year now?” he said and she nodded.
“Congratulations.” I said and she smiled.
“Thank you...and are you the writer?” I nodded.
“Yes she is.” Rob said a little proud.
“Nose down Rob.” I said and he laughed.
“I’ve read your novel...I have to say...I read it durring my treatment sessions...he gave it to me.” rob smiled and looked at the ground. “He used to speak very highly of you...my oldest son...a fan thought he was just playing up the fact that he had met you once but now I know you two really did....”
“Grow up together...yep...he used to chase me around.”
‘Oh and you we’re the perfect angel of a child?” Rob asked and I looked at the woman and nodded.
“Of course...”
“Ugh...” Rob said and the woman smiled.
“You two are perfect toghether...”
“Mom!” a boy around sixteen with a skinny build and black hair which hung like curtians around his face, called...he walked over and I saw he was a punk...ah...not my normal fan base. “Oh my god...” he said and I smiled.
“You’re...you’re...”
‘A bit flattered.” I said and he smiled and took my out streached, hand. “Jess.”
‘Jack...”
“Nice to meet you.”
“I’m a huge fan...”
“I’m glad to hear that...it’s always nice to meet somebody who’s read my work...makes me glad it’s not sitting on a shelf in a borders just gathering dust...” he laughed at that.
“I did my last book report on it...” I smiled and Rob grabbed my hand. “You really did know her.” he said looking at Rob...who beemed and nodded.
“Oh he knew her well.” his mother said and I smiled.
“Maureen...Jack...we have to go...” a man said and I looked down...I really liked these people.
“Oh darn...we have an engagement...I’m going to a make a wish benefit, brunch”
“I sent in my check...” Rob said and I squeezed his hand.
“I have one question for you...” Jack said and I looked at him.
“Fire away.” I said and rob smiled.
“When you were writing Pages Turned...did you have a plot set in mind before, like a plot set based on major pionts...or did it just come to you?”
‘Your asking if it’s my autobiography or...do I have a muse...” I said and he nodded.
“Both...there are elements of the novel like the main charecter and the main paring which are based on my life...and the trepiditions I’ve faced...and then there are other things which are compleatley made up...out of the clear blue sky...hit me like a baseball bat Ideas...you’ll see more of those in my next novel...” he got excited.
‘Your writing another one?” he asked, I nodded.
“You can only live on movie money for so long.” I said and they all laughed.
“Well it was really nice meeting you...”
‘Ah and you...” I said with a smile shaking their hands again.
“And it’s always a pleasure.” She said to Rob who hugged her.
“That’s the truth....” Rob said and Jack and he shook hands. “Maybe if you send Jess some of your pages she’ll look em over...” he said and Jack turned pink.
‘I’d love that...” I said and he smiled.
“Really?” Jack asked.
‘Yeah...I was originally studying to be an editor or an English teacher...so I love to read other peoples works and make little marks...add little notes...truth be told...I do it to my book collection...”
“Maureen!”
‘We’re coming!” She said and we said good bye...and I promised to send him the address...
“You’re amazing you know that...” Rob whispered as we walked up the stiars in the marble and wood lobby.
“I could say the same for you.” he smiled.
“So she had?”
“Brest and lung.” he said looking a head. “Three kids...a husband...and a life a head of her.”
“A life you helped her to live.” I said stopping him and rubbing my hands through his hair. He rubbed my arms and kissed me. “I’m proud of you Rob...of who you are...what you do...I’m proud of you.” he looked up at me and smiled.
“You have no idea what that means to me Jess you really don’t.” I smiled and kissed him.
“I just need you to know that...so if I yell at you someday for being dedicated to your work you can throw that out...and know it’s the truth and stop me dead in my tracks...” he grabbed my hand and we walked into the old town that they have in the museum...people dressed in old clothes you can get a soda in an old soda shop...go into an old store...hang out in the cobble stone streets...and just be in old grand rapids. Rob smiled as I climbed into the carrige and he followed me.
“You know...us being like this would have been improper at this time period.” I laughed and kissed him.
“I’m just an improper kinda doll.” I said and he rubbed my cheek.
‘The term is gal.” I laughed.
“Oh so you’re a history nut are you?” he nodded.
‘I like World War...”
“Two...if you say two I’m gonna be thourghly freaked out.”
‘Why?”
‘My final history class was an independent study...you picked an epic time and created an essay on the entire time period....I chose World War II...I love that time period...I have tons of...”
‘Books...you don’t have books and movies and papers on it do you?” he asked and I nodded.
‘It’s almost as big as my....”
“Acenint Greek Collection.” We said at the same time...
“OH MY GOD!” I said and he laughed as we walked out of the old times and into the exciting world of furniture making.
“Jess we match...we do...” he said as he wrapped my waist in his arms and put his chin on my shoulder as I looked at the famous Grand Rapids natives section. “You’re in here...” I looked back at him.
“I am not...” I said and he nodded...come on I’ll show you.” he said pulling me along...we passed by all the really famous people and all the people from michigan who had done somthing for the world. Then he stopped me and I saw my picture...my oscar dress a copy of my novel and scenes from my movie playing inside a glass case.
“See.” He said with a smile.
“Oh my god...this is just to freaky...” I said rubbing my forehead.
“You alright...”
“Yeah...just a headache.” I said shaking it off. “Happens when I’m shocked....you would have thought they would have contacted me or somthing...”
“They said they spoke with your agent...”
‘He never mentioned it...” I rolled my eyes. “He’s fired I swear...” I said moving forward Rob stay behind then coming at me.
“For one thing?” he asked. I shook my head.
“He’s biased..he want’s me to do the things he wants and nothing else...I swear...I’m fireing him...”
“Come on Jess...you can’t just fire a guy.”
‘I’m not his only clinet...” I said and Rob laughed.
“Still.”
‘NO there is no still it’s not right...I should have been here..I’ve been away too long...” I said and he grabbed my arm.
‘You’re not mad at him...”
“No I’m mad at me...okay...” I said ploping down...just in the middle of a walkway.
“Why?”
“Because...I’ve been slowly sectioning my self away from this world...and I don’t know why...I’m happy when I’m here...I just don’t know why...I’ve been slowly letting go of GH and GR.”
“Because there are both happy and sad memories here...this is a world you thought was untouched by hollywood...a world that is still as you remember it and it’s not and that’s why you try and pull away...cause it’s not normal...it’s not what you want...you want what you had when you were little...you wanna feel like that... you wanna feel like you did as a child and when the world looks at you differentley because of the things that have happened to you...you don’t feel like that any more...”
“Suddenly I think we’ve left me...”
“What? No we’re talking about you...we are...” I stood up.
“We’re talking about both of us...” he looked at the ground. “You love me.” I whispered and he nodded.
“I’ve loved you since I knew what love was Jess... and you don’t have to say you....”
‘I love you Rob...I love you...” I said kissing him... “You’re the only guy I ever loved...you made me realize it..but it’s true...” He kissed me passionetley and then an ah hem stopped us.
“Excuse me...not to be rude...but could you keep that to a minimum? There are children.” I laughed and placed my head on Rob’s chest.
“We’ll try.” Rob said to the freaky glasses lady. We walked through the traveling exhibit...of mummy’s...
“Why is this place so empty?” I asked seeing five other people.
“Cause it’s a Friday and school’s still in and it’s ten o’clock in the morning.” He said looking out the window. I followed his eyes and saw he was staring at the Amway.. The most amazing hotel in the world I swear...in my opion...okay so my opinion isn’t the most amazing thing in the word....but it is pretty...beautiful...and I laughed.
“Okay...well in that case...there’s a show in the planitarium at ten fifteen...you wanna get a coffee and watch it?” he laughed and grabbed my hand and we bought two iced coffees and walked into the planitarium...we sat in the far back and watched the show...he sighed halfway through and I looked over. “What’s up?” I asked and he looked over at me and smiled.
“Nothing...I’m just letting the built up stress out.” he said kissing me. “You relax me Jessy.” I laughed and kissed him.
“Now watch the stars.” I said and he grabbed my hand.
“Okay Miss Marks.” he said like a child. I snuggled my head onto his shoulder and he laughed. “Now you told me to watch the stars how am I gonna do that with you distracting me?” I laughed.
“Me distract you?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.
“Oh like your not a distraction...” he said wrapping his arm around me.
“I try not to be.” I said kissing him.
“Oh well you get an F on that test.” he said rubbing my cheek.
“Excuse me...the shows over.” the guy in the nerd glasses said and Rob sat up.
“We know.” he said laying back down.
“Oh...well I have to reset the theater you have to leave.” Rob smiled.
“Thank you.” I said standing up and grabbing Rob’s hand.
“I was this close man....this close.” he said doing the little thumb and pionter finger thing. I turned around.
“Now you just that much farther away...” I said playing along.
“Sorry man...I have an apartment to pay for.” Rob laughed and smiled.
“It’s okay...” He said and I smiled.
“Really okay...you just got me a night of sleep.” The nerd burst out laughing and Rob grabbed me and tossed me over his shoulders.
“Or so she thinks.” He said and the nerd laughed. I rolled my eyes and let him carry me out of the planitarium and then he set me down. “Okay Jesssy we’ve seen the whole place...”
‘No we haven’t...” I said and he gave me this look like no. “There is the...”
“No...” he said and I nodded. “No.” I nodded. “No.” nod. “No.” (Repeat three times.) Then “I’m not riding a carousel.” he said and I nodded. “Fine.” he grumbled and I pulled him into the glass enclosed carousel...the music making him groan. “I already am getting a headache Jess.” he whinned and I looked back at him and smiled. We got on and he winced as he climbed onto the horse.
“It’s not that bad.” I said halfway though the ride as he had his face planted agianst the pole and was pretending to be sleeping. He pretened to jolt awake...
“What...no...not at all.” he lied and the ride stopped.
“Come on...let’s go get some lunch.” he smiled and we walked out of the museum and I stopped him and walked him into the gift shop.
“Okay...I’m not gonna sit here and watch you waste your money.” he said as I looked around.
“Really?” I asked and we looked at a shelf of books.
“What about this I asked holding up a photo album. “It’s ten bucks.” he took it out of my hands and looked at me.
“What photos do you have to put in this?” he asked and I grabbed a disposable camera.
“Pictures of our first date.” I said and he laughed and I made to go to the counter when he walked up and piad.
“Call it a gift.” he said kissing my cheek.
“Rob...you didn’t have to...”
“Jess it’s a date...I pay.”
‘You know I’m not like that....it’s not expected.”
“Well it’s somthing I want to do okay.” I nodded and we left and drove to a small resturant just next to Rosa Parks circle and ate. He took a few pictures of me and I snapped a few of him...the last one he made a funny face which made me think of him as a kid. “Okay Jessy...a salad c’mon...” I smiled.
“I like salads...” I said biting into my Greek salad.
“Or your pulling the classic first date thing...order a salad and pretend you don’t eat.” I laughed.
‘I eat...lord knows I eat.....I just felt like a greek salad.” I said and he smiled. “And your sitting there eating a wrap...I mean c’m on...” he laughed.
“What?”
‘The wrap is the salad of men food.” I said and a lady next to us laughed. “Am I right?” she nodded. “I’m right.”
“Go get a burger.”
“Go get a sirlion.” he laughed and the lady cracked up.
“At least somebody’s enjoying this idiotic banter.”
‘Nice words Harrison.” I said and he laughed. I rolled my eyes and stood up.
“Where are you going?” he asked not getting up.
“I’ll be right back...watch my salad.” he laughed and sat back.
“Hurry...” I rolled my eyes. “Jessica don’t roll your eyes at me.”
“I’ll roll my eyes at you if I want to .” I said making him laugh as I got in line and bought to plates of french fries. “See...I eat.” he laughed and I handed him a plate.
“Oh so you go buy fries...” He said and I laughed and bit into a fry dumping the rest into my salad. “What the hell are you doing?” he asked I smiled.
“Have you ever tried a french fry with fetta?” he shook his head. “It’s good.” he laughed and took one of his fries and rubbed it inside the dressing cup.
“Not bad...but oh the after taste...elk.” he said taking a drink of his soda.
“Oh you baby.” I said with a smile
“Nope that’s your name.” he said and I leaned across the table and he kissed me.
“Really.”
“Yep you’re my baby.” he said kissing me. “Baby.”
“Well you’re my honey.”I said rubbing his cheek and brushing a bit of his hair out of his face. “Honey..and I love you.” I said and he kissed me.
“I think I might call you sweet heart...and I love you...”
“I like sweetheart better...” he kissed me and I smiled
“I love you.” he said putting his forehead on mine.
“I love you too.” I whispered and then my cell went off. “Ugh!” I said reaching for it. “Hello?” I asked and I got a sigh then.
“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?” being yelled at me by James.
“I’m out...” I said and Rob laughed.
“With a guy?” James asked.
“With my boyfriend.”
“If Ian is there I’m gonna kill him then you...” I laughed.
“No...Ian’s long gone...new boyfriend...much better boyfriend.” Rob beemed and I mouthed you are.
“Does he have a name?” Rob heard this and mouthed...say Rob...or Robert...and then slide in harrison... I smiled.
“Rob...”
“Rob what?” I smiled and grabbed my drink.
“Harrision.” I said as I took a sip.
“YOU’RE DATING LITTLE ROBBIE HARRISION?!” James yelled excitedley.
“I’m not so little anymore James.” Rob said and James laughed.
“Oh god this is to good...Jess...oh god...KAY!”
“Don’t you dare!” I yelled.
“Kay call up the guys...we’re going out to the house.
‘JAMES!” I yelled.
“Sorry Jess I have a beach party to plan...”
“AT MY HOUSE!” he laughed and the line went dead.
“What?” Rob asked as I let out a moan.
“We have to get back...I have to move the furniture in...” I said and Rob laughed.
“He’s planning somthing.” I nodded and grabbed my stuff.
“Something bad....somthing very bad.” I said in this whisperey voice which made him laugh.
“Then let’s go.” Rob said shoving the wrap in his mouth and grabbing his soda. I grabbed my phone and called all my brothers getting no answer even from Jen.
‘HE”S GOTTEN TO THEM ALL!” I yelled as we entered the lake country.
“So it’s a housewarming party?” Rob asked I shook my head.
‘It’s a come near destroy Jess’s life party.” I said as I dialed my uncles no answer. “DAMNIT!”
“I’ve never heard you sware before...” He said with a smile.
“I’m a bit of a potty mouth...” I said and then my phone rang. “HELLO?” I asked and a wrong number apologized.
“Calm down...it’s not like it’s the first time I’m meeting them...it’s not like it’s an engagment party...it’s not christmas...we’ll be fine okay.” I Rolled my eyes and fell back into my seat.
“This is not what I wanted to do this afternoon.” I said looking over at him...his shilouette amazing...I was in love with this man...I was, I know I didn’t explian earlier...but when I looked into Rob’s eyes when I looked at him in the light there and I saw love in his eyes...I realised I was in love with him I am in love with him....and I have been since I was eleven years old. He just fit me...he seemed to get me...and I wanted him so much... “Rob pull over.” I said and he shook his head. “Robert please pull over.” he looked over at me and smiled. “Honey please pull over.” he pulled off the road and I grabbed him and kissed him.
“Jess...” he said pulling back. I whinned and looked up knowing what he was going to say.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to do this is a car...I want it to be the romantic time you dream about...I dream about...”
‘You dream about me and you?” He rolled over and pulled back on the road.
“I did last night.” he said after three minutes of silence.
“Rob...”
“You asked.”
‘No...I’m glad I found you.” I said rubbing his arm. “Well you found me...but...I’m glad we found each other agian.” he kissed me and smiled.
“I’m glad you came back.” he said moving back his eyes on the road. “I’ve missed you...I didn’t know how much but I do now...”
“Sureley you had friends...in college and at work...” He nodded.
‘I did...but none of them knew me like you...none of them wanted to know me that well...and none of them wanted to hear about the Lake...it’s like the entire city of South Bend is not interested in this place.” he said as we drove up the hill going into the neighborhood.
“I know what you mean..nobody in NYC gave a damn about the lake...” He laughed and I smiled. “It’s strange isn’t it...” I began
“What is?” He asked and I looked out to the lake.
“How this place which so beautiful and means so much to those who come here...and live here...yet in the outside world what we beliave to be the greatest place on earth is just un impressive to those who come from other places...it’s like this secret that only we know...” He smiled and grabbed my hand and laced our fingers.
“You know Jessy...you’ve grown up.” I laughed.
“Take it back.” he smiled and pulled into his driveway, Frank came hobbiling out to us and opened my door. “Thanks Frank.” I said getting out.
“ ‘re welcome.” he said as I made to walk home.
“Jessy...” Rob said and I looked over.
“Yeah..” I said looking at him.
“I’ll be out in three seconds don’t go home.” he said runnig up the porch.
“Should we time him?” I asked and frank laughed.
“So you two dating now...” he said and I smiled.
“Who’d a thought huh...” I laughed and he pushed my shoulder.
“You’re grandad and I thought...that’s who.”
‘What?” I asked as Gipper started barking.
“When you left for college and Rob came home that summer and you’re grandad saw him...and saw you...and when he asked about you...we both knew.” I laughed and put my back on the car.
“Knew what?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest.
“That one day you two would wind up together.” I smiled and looked at the old man. “Don’t doubt our instincts Jessy...you two click...and if I might say my grandson does have my good looks.” I smiled and kissed his cheek.
“That’s the truth.” I said then.
“HEY...she’s mine.” Rob said and frank grabbed me and hugged me.
“Well you weren’t around so.” I smiled and pulled back.
“I was his first frank.” Frank made the aw shucks movement and Rob smiled and I rolled my eyes then saw he was wearing white button up shirt and a pair of dark jeans over some sketchers.
“You could do worse.” he said and I grabbed his hand and pulled him into me.
“But never better.” I said before I kissed him.
“Oh if your gonna do that warn an old man.” Frank said walking towards his house.
“We’ll try.” Rob said with a smile then he looked at me. “Do you mean that?” I nodded.
“I mean most everything I say...it’s only when I’m joking around do I say stuff I don’t mean.” he kissed me deepley and I put my head on his chest when we pulled apart and he wrapped me in his arms.
“I love you.” he whispered and I snuggled into his chest.
“I love you.” I said and I felt his grip tighten.
“I’ll never let anyone hurt you...I’ll never leave you Jess...I’ll never hurt you...I love you.” I held him tight.
“I’ll never leave you...I’ll never be dissloyal...there’s only you for me now...and maybe forever.”
‘Maybe.” he said with a smile looking at me.
“Well who knows...I don’t want to jinx it.” he smiled and kissed my forehead.
“Now and forever...there is only you.” he whispered and I kissed him. “Now lets move that furniture in.” I laughed and he pulled me into the house...where we spent the next three hours moving stuff around, and then after that I looked at my house...it looked like it was in the stages of being remodeled...not nasty...like I had done three rooms and paused for a while....which was almost the truth. The lighting still had to be updated and the appliances...but other than that...all the furniture from the upstiars was in the downstairs, the basement..all, the books on a new bookshelf...a flatscreen hung above the fire place and the dvd player was playing frank sinatra and the lights were at a normal setting and the pizza had just arrived. “Okay Jess...I wanna know....how can you be this good at decorating?” I smiled.
“I’ve read a few books.” I said as I sat down at the counter and looked at the clock. “Give them twenty minutes.” I said and rob placed a glass of wine in front of me.
“Untill then your all mine.” I smiled and we talked, made out, were about to go upstiars when...Ding Dong... I fixed my hair and Rob’s wiping the lip gloss from his mouth. “Hey... I was saving that for later...tastes good.” he said with a smile, I rolled my eyes and went for the door.
“You are all gonna pay.” I said as my brothers came rushing at me then Rob...who was a bit frightened at first but then as Rick tossed him the foot ball and they all rushed out leaving me with my sister, Kay. Katrina, Katie and Mike and Kale...Kale left to go play ball while Mike played the gameboy. “Hey...Micheal...I don’t even get a hug?” He smiled when he heared my voice and jumped in my arms. “There’s mikey!” I said and he laughed.
“Hi aunt Jess...”
‘I got hawian for you and me buddy.” he cheered and I felt Katie wrap her arms around my waist. “Hey Katie Bell.” I said knealing down and kissing her cheek. “How are you?” she smiled and was all shy and Mike wriggled out of my arms and sat down on the couch...
“I’m going to disney world.” she said and I sat down.
‘You are?” I asked and Jen nodded.
‘In two weeks.” she said holding up two fingers.
“Well you’ll have to bring me back a present.” I said and she nodded and I scooped her up and held her over my head. “You are such a pretty little girl...” I said and she smiled.
“Can I have an eskimo kiss?” she asked and I rubbed my nose over hers and she smiled. “I missed you aunt Jess.” she said wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I missed you too Katie...” I said and Kay and Jen were smiling. “But your gonna get sick of me real quick.” I said and Rick laughed from behind me. “And you are to big for words.” I said hugging him.
“Yeah Right.” he said pulling back.
“Right is right...look he’s taller than me...when did he get to be taller than me...Jen I changed his dipers...”
“Try being his mom....” I laughed.
“I think we’re both thankful that’s not the case.” I said and he nodded.
“PIZZA!” my brothers called in unision as they came pouring in.
“Hold down the flood gates.” I said and Jen and Kay pulled me up the stiars into the upstiars living room. “I’m not an alcoholic...I’ve never done drugs...I can’t imagine what this intervention is for...” I said sitting down.
“Jess...what have you done to the place...it looks...looks....”
“Don’t yell at me...I had to update it...”
‘It looks amazing...I mean there are a few things yet to be done...but the paint and the wood floor and the furniture...”
“I just feel like I’m hiding him...” I murmered.
“Don’t...he’d love it...”Jen said raising my chin. “Jess...don’t kill yourself over redoing an old house...not when you have that man downstairs... Jessica...he’s hot.” I laughed and flopped on my back.
‘I know!” I said and they all smiled.
‘You’re in love with him...” Kay said and I nodded.
“I think I might have been in love with him since I was eleven.” They all awwed and I heared them all start laughing.
“We’re missing a party.” Kay said opening the door.
“I have one question...” I said standing up.
“Yeah?” the both asked.
“How long should I wait before I let him...” they laughed.
“There’s no time table...when you feel right...when the moment feels right...it happens.” Jen said and I smiled.
‘Okay.” I said and we walked down the stiars...
“Ah the loveley women!” James yelled getting up and kissing Kay...I took his beer and took a drink from it.
‘How many has he had?” I asked as Jen and I came in and Jake snaked his arms around Jen’s waist.
“DAD PLEASE!” Rick yelled and I laughed.
“Oh hush...” Jake said and I set the beer down.
“Hey.” I said sitting down on half of rob’s bar stool.
“Hey sweetie.” he said grabbing my waist.
“Oh god.” Adian said and I chucked a bread stick at him. “You wanna go little sis you wanna go?” he asked and I rolled my eyes.
‘I surrvived five years in New York I’ve seen things you’ve never dreamed of....I could woop you.” He laughed.
“Oh yeah right.” I laughed, and pulled my hair up.
‘If I wasn’t so comfertable...I’d kick your...A-S-S.” I said and Rick laughed.
‘Most of us kids can spell aunt jess.”
“Well there’s at least two of you who cant.” I said and he rolled his eyes. Rob positioned himself behind me and my borthers pulled bar stools up around the island.
“What’s going on?” rob whispered...I looked back at him.
“Thirty one.”
“Don’t you mean twenty?” he asked rubbing a few fingers under the bottom hem of my shirt.
“No it’s thirty...quite a simple game...we use the same concepts of twenty one...only each person has three dollars...we each get three cards...if you have thirty one or you think you have the highest of any one around...you knock...and that signals that it’s a final round...now a round goes like this...you have to pick up and place a card down...no matter what...and if you win you keep your dollars...and everybody has to put one in...the winner at the end gets the lot.” he laughed.
“Jess is the five time champ.” I smiled.
“She’s got a good poker face.” I got up and grabbed my tigers cap pulling my pony tail through the back of it and sliding back into Rob’s arms...
“Deal.” I said and I slapped three bucks next to me.
“Rob you in?” Adian asked and Rob shook his head...
‘I’m gonna watch.” he said and his palm hit my stomach. I know he felt the sharp intake of breath even though I hid it, cause he kissed the back of my neck. I rubbed the back of his head scratching my nails in his hair.
“You better watch it.” Kris said as I pulled my cards up. Jack worth one...five worht shocker five...and a king...ten...sixteen. I pulled down on the brim of my hat as I traded my jack in for another five. Rob took a drink and I saw my opportunity James laid down a king...he was over...I grabbed it laying down one five. It went around and I knocked, “Oh Jess.” he said looking at me...I smirked and they all went around a James saying he was out...like a fold... the rest staying in...my sister and sister in law playing with the kids...watching tv.
“Okay Gents turn em over...and pay up...twenty five.”
“Damnit...” Kris said throwing a dollar in.
“Rob you need to let us know what she’s got...” adian said as he put a dollar in.
“I’d like to keep this relationship on stable grounds.” Rob said resting his chin on my shoulder.
“Ah she picked a good one.”
“I know I did.” I said kissing his cheek. He smiled and kissed me as Jake slapped a dollar down and Kris collected the cards. It went on like that for the next three hours...I won as usuall and at eleven oclock they all went home...Rob came into the front hallway holding the stack of ones.
“There’s more than three dollars a piece in here...” he said with a smile.
“We played for three games...so that’s twenty one times, five...” He rolled his eyes then grabbed his shoes.
“Well...I had a great time Jess...I did...” he said kissing me.
“Rob...” I said grabbing his hands. “Stay with me.” I whispered in his ear.
“Jess...” he said looking at me.
“Put your shoes down and come with me.” he set the sneakers down and followed me up sitars...I pulled him into the bedroom....
“Is this what you want?” he asked as I kissed him.
“Are you afraid that the only reason I’m offering this is cause I’m afraid you wont stick around?” he nodded. “I don’t have that doubt in my mind...should I?” he shook his head then kissed me. “I want you...I love you...” he pulled the cap off my head and kissed me.
“I love you Jessica...I love you.”
“Then make love to me Rob...make love to me...don’t have sex with me...make love to me.” He kissed my neck then my lips as I pulled off my jeans and tugged on his....
“Jess...I don’t have a condom.” he said pulling back.
“I don’t care.” I said kissing him.
“How can you not?”
“I’m on the pill...” He laughed and kissed me and I pulled his Jeans off and he pushed up the hem of my shirt then pulled it over my head as I unbuttoned his white shirt pushing it off his back as his muscular form became visible...I wanted him....I pulled off my bra and he took me in and smiled.
“Definitely...not a ten year old.” he said kissing me making me laugh. “You’re beautiful Jessica...you are....” he said as he picked me up and laid me down on the bed sliding my thong off putting his hand on my hip as I slid his boxers off. He gasped and moved on top of me...I felt him agianst my thigh...and I gasped and put my hands on his hips. “Tell me if I hurt you...” he said as if warning me.
‘You can’t hurt me Rob...you cant.” he smiled and his eyes locked on mine.
“Just tell me okay...if it doesn’t feel right or somethings wrong...”I nodded and I felt him get closer and closer his breathing getting heaveier and heavier as I pushed m legs out a little further..his eyes met mine agian and he paused then in a gentle movement...he was inside of me....I moaned this moan I never would have recognized as my own. He kissed me and we began to make love...that night I held nothing back...I made love to Rob unlike any of the six times I’ve made love...I was amazed at how gentle he was, how soft he was...how perfect he was in the four times we made love that night...I never told him I was uncomfertable or somthing wasn’t right...it felt right.the whole thing felt right. After the fourth time and at three a.m. Rob fell beside me. “Oh. My. God.” he said running a hand through his hair. His chest rising and falling almost as rapidly as mine..his eyes those amazing eyes looking up at the cealing.
“I know.” I said as I put a hand on my stomach. I could feel my heart and my body was still on fire.still fully at attention. He rolled over and put his hand on my hip.
“I love you.” he said kissing me. “And that was the most amazing love making I’ve ever had the pleasure of partaking in.” I smiled and kissed him.
“I love you..I really do.” I said and he pulled me into his arms.
“Then marry me.” I looked at him shocked.
“Rob we’ve been dating a day.”
‘I mean like before, like when we were six.that.the real marrige come’s later.sometime.but not far off.I love you Jessica.” I grabbed the sheets and wrapped them around me. Making a make shift dress..I stood up and he wrapped the blue sheet from the floor the clean sheet and wrapped it around his lower half. “Jess.did I frighten you? I was just playing around.” I put a hand over his lips.
“Come with me.” I said as I pulled him down the stairs..and into the basement.
“Jess.” he said as I pulled him to the far corner where the old couch was.
“Robbie.” I said as I plopped down. He sat next to me and smiled looking at the moon through the window.
“Hey Jessy.” he said replaying the scene.
“Yeah Robbie?” I asked pulling my feet up on the couch.
“I have an idea.” I smiled.
“What?” I asked and he turned around.
“Lets get married.”
“What?”
“You know like on t.v. get married.” he said taking my hand.
“Why do you wanna marry me.”
“Cause you’re my best friend.and my mom always said marry your best friend.” I felt a tear run down my cheek.
“Alright.let’s get married.” he smiled and I rubbed his chest.
“Okay.do you Jessica Leo Marks.take me.Robert Andrew Harrision.”
‘Your middile name’s andrew?” I asked remebering the scene.
‘Shh..to be your lawful wedded husband.to have and to hold from this day forward.in sickness and in health. For richer or poorer.till death do us part?” He smiled and I nodded.
“I do.” I said with a smile and he laughed. “Hey my turn. do you Robert Andrew.”Pause for a laugh and a sqeeze of the hand. “Take me Jessica Leo Marks.to be your lawfully wedded wife.to have and to hold from this day forward.in sickness and in health.for richer or poorer.till death do us part?” he smiled and his eyes met mine.
“I do.you do know we have to kiss now?” he asked and I smiled.
“Well duh.” he laughed and leaned into me and me into him.our lips met and he pushed him self on top of me and I smiled.
“Okay you better hope I can consumate our marrige.” he said and I stood up and pulled off the sheet.
“That help?” I asked as I stradled him.
“Uhhh.yep.” he said as I pulled the sheet off and moved him inside of me. “Mrs. Jessica Marks Harrision.” he whispered and I got chills.
“God that sounds amazing.” I said and he moved below me and smiled.
“Someday Jess.that will be your name.I promise you.I swear to you.”
‘It’s already my name.has been since I was four.” he laughed and kissed me. We made love another two times on the couch then I fell back and he was exhusted.
“I really don’t wanna sleep in the basement.” he said picking me up drapping the sheets over me.
“Are you gonna carry me over the thresh hold?” I asked and he shook his head.
“To your room yes.your house no.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and gipper huffed and rolled back onto his back as we came in to my room, Rob smiled and laid me down on the bed sliding in next to me.his hands gentle and soft as he wrapped me in his arms.our bodies pressed together like that was the most amazing feeling ever, he kissed me then closed his eyes and sighed.I did the same and I fell asleep in Rob’s arms.both of us naked as the day we were born, drapped in white sheets and comferter.the cealing fan spinning the June heat around us. My mind relaxed and I fell in to the most amazing sleep I have ever experienced.I woke up at eleven to an empty bed..I sat up and looked down.I was still naked.so it wasn’t a dream. I looked around.then my eyes stopped on my bedside table.thier a vase of two dozen red roses sat.and a card in an envelope rested agianst the vase.Rob’s handwriting on the front read my Jessica. I got out of bed pulling my robe off of the bathroom door and walking back into the room I opened the envelope and saw a plain piece of note book paper folded up.
Good Morning.
Your going to have to accept my apology.I got called in to work around six this morning, and didn’t want to wake you.I should be home around five tonight.I’m really sorry Jess.I am.but I promise I’ll make it up to you tonight.I fed your dog and coffee’s on.have a good day, and agian I’m really sorry.the last thing I wanted to do today was leave.was be away from you. I love you, and I promise I’ll rush back.Frank said he’d come over for lunch around one.just so you aren’t alone. I’ll be back as soon as possible.agian I love you and I really don’t want to stop writing. But I have to.I’ll see you later.and like I said last night.you are amazing.you really were. I love you and I hope you have a good day.
Always yours and with all my love,
Rob
P.S. was I right that roses were still your favorite flower? I smiled and set the note down.he was right roeses are my favorite flower, he was amazing.I slid into a buble bath the roeses in the bedroom still, and Gipper laying on the rug his head on the side of the tub and he licked at the bubbles.
“Gip.” he perked his ears. “You wanna get in?” he barked and I moved back in the tub and gipper jumped in with me.sending water everywhere. “Okay now we have to clean you off.” I said as I scrubbed his back which made his back paw twitch. “Do you like Rob?” he yipped and I smiled
“Really.” he made a low grumbling sound. “Hey.” he whined and licked my face. “I love him Gipper.I love him.” he licked my face and whined. “Oh you know I love you..your in the bathtub with me.” He started to pant. “Oh okay.so your all wet now and so am I.I say we get out dry off get dressed and wait for frank.” he lowered his head. “We can play fetch.” he perked up his head and he had a bubble beared. I got out of the tub gipper still splashing around his tail going so fast. I dropped a rubber ducky in and he would push it under with his paw then wait and bark and push it down when it came back up.I let him play while I got dressed and then I drained the tub when there was very few bubbles left. A barking fit commenced. “SHHH!” I yelled and he whinnied. “You have to get out.” he grabbed the ducky and climbed out of the tub and I rubbed him up and down with a black towel. He carried the ducky around like a puppy and I made lunch.simple speghetti and garlic bread. Frank rang the bell at one on the dot. “FRANK!” I yelled as I opened the door. He smiled and walked in hugging me.
“How are ya Jessy?” he asked as I shut the door.
“Better.” I said and he nodded.
“My grandson has that effect on people.and you have the same effect on him.and your family.” I smiled and hugged him agian.
“You just always know what to say.” I said and he laughed and followed me into the kitchen.
“And you cook!” he said as he saw the food laid out on the table.
“Not as good as Gram but I think I’m okay at it.” he laughed.
“No woman could cook as good as Valie.” I laughed and remebered being thirteen and helping her in the kitchen when she was sick.learing about everything on how to cook from her till I was sixteen and inherited all the cooking skills.and tools. “So what are we having.Spegehtii.and homemade garlic bread.ohh Jessy you know the way to this old man’s heart.” I laughed and sat down after him and we began to talk.about Rob as a baby.how he was fussy and didn’t like to be held.he wanted to lay around and just hang out.how he loved Seseme street and then I remebered as Frank was telling the story.how we met. My grandpa and Grandma were watching me.only me.and Frank and Helen had invited us over for dinner.I was three.and while the grown ups talked Rob and I played.he was a little boy who liked legos and G.I. Joe’s I was a three year old girl who liked Barbie and dress up.so we played Legos.then I dressed him up with clothes Helen said I could use and made him do a fashion show.then we played G.I. Joe marry’s barbie.then we begged to have a sleep over.and that night he asked me to be his best friend.and I said yes.and that’s when Our summers together began.then as I got older..I spent more time out at the house just cause he was there.he moved in with his grandpa when his grandma died and Dora his mom wanted to take care of him.then he moved into the house next to my dad’s.and we saw each other every day. “I remember you and him crying in the backseat of the car locking the door and you yelled at Joe.(His dad) ‘I wont let you take my best friend away!” that sent your dad and Joe into tears.as Dora balled her eyes out and Valie trying to coax you out of the seat.it finally took Liam to open the door and pull you out.your dad tried but you kicked him in the Jaw.”
‘I broke a tooth too.” I said and he laughed.
“Then you two hugged and I remeber he kissed you.the little kid kiss..but still.” he smiled and took a drink of the slice soda.which I knew was his favorite. “I also remember you giving me your Apartment address and saying if he’s ever interested in calling or writeing.” I nodded.
“Why didn’t he?”
“Cause he was afriad to hurt you.get you all hopefull and let you down.”
“He could never let me down.” Frank placed a hand on mine and squeezed.
“He needs to hear that.he’s a bit self concouis.and living with me isn’t helping.hint.” he said and I looked at him.
“Frank are you suggesting that I ask him to move in here?”
“It’s not like it’s not your house.” He said shoving a hunk of garlic bread in his mouth. “And it’s not like you don’t love him.and I know that a twenty six year old man should be living with his girlfriend not his grandfather. His self esteem took a big blow after that skunk.” he said looking forward. “ she wouldn’t come with him to vistit me.she’d satay back in the city and most likeley sleep around.after three years of marrige it was over.he fought to make it work but.she had another man and that was that.” I looked at Frank then ran my hands through my hair.
“I can’t picture him as anything other than happy.I don’t want to picture him as anything else..”
“He needs you jess.He needs a good woman.to let him know he’s wanted.”
“Oh god is he wanted.” I said taking a bite.
“You know Jessy.if your grandad were alive.he’d owe me twenty bucks.”
“What for?” I asked sitting back.
“When Joe and Dora moved away..I bet your grandfather twenty bucks that you and Rob would wind up together.” I laughed.
“It’s not like we’re engaged Frank.” he smiled.
“I know..but an old man can dream cant he?” I smiled and we moved on with dinner Gipper joinging us licking at the bowl.
“No gip down.” he barked. “Don’t back talk get down.” he huffed and jumped down. “Gipper!” I said as he made his grumbiling sounds. He perked his ears up and sat pretty.
“Oh you can’t be mad at that face.” Frank said as Gipper nuzzled his hand for him to pet the dog.
“I know I feel week when he gets me to let him do anything.”
“You make him sound like he’s your son.” Frank said as I grabbed the plates and walked over to the sink.
“He’s such a good boy.” I said in the baby voice and he barked. “He’s not my son Frank.he’s my dog..and he’s my roomate.and my bed partner.he sleeps in the bed with me.and he’s a vacum.mop.and at times an alarm clock.” I said rolling my eyes. Frank laughed and helped me with the dishes. we finished twenty minutes later then decided to go for a walk on the beach.
“So Jessy.tell me about New York.and the oscars.and writing.” I smiled.
“That’s a big range of topics where do you want me to begin?” he smiled.
“Writing.how it came to be.” I looked out at the lake then back at him.
“I was fifteen.my english teacher assigned a creative writing assignment, what ever you want.but it has to be fiction.has to be a story.has to have plot.three charecters and some sort of in depth discovery.” he smiled. ‘It was a year long assignment.most kids put if off till the last month.me I wrote every night until I was half asleep.it came so easy.it just let off all my stress.I could work out any anger I had.I could make my self laugh.cry.smile.frown.hurt.heal.love. it was just something I loved.when I was writing my novel I was in school.I sent it in as a payment to a good friend.when they accepted it.I cried.when it jumped to the top of the bestseller list and was in demand like Harry Potter.I cried.when I was approached about writing a screen play I laughed.did it.then cried when It was nominated.and cried when I won.I remebmer sneaking into the film at a local theter.looking around thinking.this is my audinece.there are old ladies.and teenagers.guy’s guys.and gay guys.single men.and guys on dates.I appealed to everyone.it was a love story.a good one.of sentemental value.”
‘It was how you thought your grandparents met.” he said and I smilled and nodded.
‘I know differently now.” he laughed
“I’ve heard the blue dress story fifty times.and it stiill makes me smile..but I have a question for you.” I looked over at him and he smiled. “What are you gonna write next?” I looked ahead.
“The hardest question at the time.I’ve hit a wall.a block the size of the great wall of china.no quick way around it and no way to cure it.though I have been getting a few ideas.just nothing good enough to spark a novel.”
“Write a novella.or a children’s book.or.another movie.”
‘Movies are harder than novels.your in charge of letting the screen people know that they do this then.it’s so much more complecated.” I said letting my hair down.
“Why don’t you wear your hair down all the time?” He asked and I shrugged.
“You look like your grandmother when you do.and that’s not a bad thing.I loved my wife very much.but I always thought that your grandfather was one lucky man.I knew them when they were in thier twentys.she was as beautiful as you.your hair is hers.only blonde.your eyes.your fathers.your nose.your mothers.and your smile.”
‘My grandpa’s.” He nodded.
“I see more of Liam in you then I do of your mom and dad.” I smiled and looked out to the lake.
“I wish I saw more of him then me.” I said and he wacked my arm.
“He’d hit you harder. Don’t tell yourself you can’t do somthing Jessy.don’t hate who you are.” He said with earnesty.
“I don’t hate who I am.I hate who I’m assiociated with..not here.in NY.I hate the celbritey.I hate the Paris Hiltons and the Lindsay Lohans.the one’s who think that just because you have money.you need to show it off.” He smiled.
“You sounded like Liam.”
“Yeah what’s up with him haveing all that money?”
“HE invested wiseley.saved half of every pay check and never spent his millitary money.” I sighed. “You have his spirit Jessica.you feel trapped at times.but your mind wanders.you can be alone in a room and feel happy as a lark.but your comfertable around people.you make them smile.laugh and you know how to spark some good conversation.” I laughed. “Your more like him then you know.more than you can ever know.” I smiled and we turned around and headed for home. “I miss him Jess.I do.” I nodded.
“I wish that every morning I wake up he’s gonna come in with the plate of six cookies and milk.three for him.three for me.that was our breakfast and Gram would yell at him and say that you can’t feed a young girl sugar like that for breakfast.he’d stand up tall and say VALARIE!.she’s my grandughter and I shall feed her what ever I wish.and I shall spiol her until she’s rotten which will never be.so I will spiol her for the rest of her life.am I right Jessy.you my girl?” I started to get teared up and Fran grabbed my shoulder.
“You were his girl Jess.you were so much a part of his life.he cared about you in a way I don’t think he cared about anybody.” I smiled and looked up.
“I loved him.more than I could have imagined.I left his room the way it was.I don’t think I’ll ever change it.ever.” He smiled and we continued to talk until we arrived back at his house.
“Ah lover boy’s not home yet.any time now.should I send him over?” I smiled and waved a hand.
“If he wants to come over he can.you have my number so just have him call.if he wants to or doesn’t want to.come over.okay I’m babiling.just tell him if he wants to he can call and come over.or he can just come over. or just call.okay?” He nodded and kissed my cheek and I walked home the warm summer wind blowing around me as I walked into the house Roy the pianters day off.thank god. I thought as I grabbed the diary and sat down in the window sill of my room. I had read a few pages already and had found that most of the first diary was just him watching me in the hospital.him and the first year of my life.I cried through most of it and then at the last page I put it on the desk and grabbed one that didn’t look twenty six almost seven years old.
December fifth (four years prior)
My dearest Jessica,
Today in the mail I recevied the manuscript.your manuscript. my darling I am amazed that my little Jessy is as good a writer as you are. you have this amazing gift Jessica.and I’m amazed that I didn’t recoginize it sooner.Did you hide this from me? (I laughed) I’ve been up since five this morning when I got the package it’s now around midnight and I have just finished.the half you sent me.I sit here looking at the papers, of your book.the pages, of what will one day be an amazing novel, and I realiazed.your grown up.your not my little Jessy any more.your J.L. Marks. or that’s what you put on the cover of the manuscript.I say you go by Jessica. L. Marks. like a president.but back to what I was saying.your not a child anymore.and your in a relationship. ( oh god he’s going to write about ian.) I don’t like him Jess.I know you might but I don’t like him.I don’t like him.I don’t like him.now you know I don’t like him and that’s all I’m gonna write.but if you agree to marry that man.you’ll get a good kick in the pants and a tounge lashing from grandpa.but that’s all I’m gonna say cause the thought of you being married you being that grown up.is making me cry.I read this following passage when I was twenty years old.and now that you’re a writer I think it fits you.not this old man.this old doctor. I scanned the page and saw in perfect print. “ it has come in my personal findings that if a writer wants to ease the pains of block.all he must do is tell his story.or a loved one’s story.for a story is only as strong as it’s charechter.and if you know that charecter personally who better to write about?” I put the book down and looked up.my glasses sliding down my nose.I jumped up and ran at my bag grabbing my laptop.
“God why didn’t I think of this before?” I asked as the ideas hit me like a tidal wave. Gipper barked at me as I plugged in the computer and ran down and made coffee.grabbing the phone and a few pilliows off the bed and made my self comfertable.I opened the blank document and began to type.my fingers flew almost as fast as my mind.the words pouring out of me.like therepy.like relief.like a god send.every ounce of my writers black dissapearing as I wrote what I knew would be my best work yet. I wrote from three thirty to six o’clock sixty pages.a novella and I wasn’t even half done..the only thing that stopped me was the ring of my telephone. I jumped about six feet..as it rang. ‘Holly fuck!” I said putting a hand on my chest and picking it up. “Hello?” I asked and I got a laugh.
“I see you.” Rob’s voice said and I slid off my window sill.
“Do you?” I asked looking toward his house.
“Uh huh and I’m wondering what the blocked writer is doing staring at a blank document?”
“ The block has been broken.” I said and he cheered and I saw him. “I see you.” He crounched down.
“No you can’t” he said and I laughed. “So if I wanted to come over.you’d ignore me right?” I laughed.
‘No.I’ve got a sixty pages out.I can take a break.”
“You’ve written a sixty pages!” he yelled standing up.
“But there’s something I want to do more.” I said pulling off my sweatshirt.
“Be there in less than a minute.Love you.bye.” I saw him dash out of the room and I hung up and shut the computer and I heard him come in and rush up the stiars.
‘How do you know where my key is?” I asked as he kissed me passionetley.
“I saw you come home once.” I kissed him and he kissed back this passion that I loved in him, forcing it’s way through. He was wearing scrubs and he looked hot in them.
“Oh the doctor suit big turn on.” I said kissing his neck.
“Don’t play sarcasim right now.” he said as he pulled my t-shirt over my head.
“I’m not.” I said as I tugged his scrub shirt off and he pulled on my jeans.
“Good.cause I want you so bad.” he said as we fell on the bed. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I start going back regularly.”
‘Have the florist on speed dial.” I said and he laughed and pulled my jeans off his scrub pants following suit.
“Oh god Jess.” he said as I pulled my bra off.
“What?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around him, he just smiled and kissed me..his boxers hit the floor with a swift pull of my wrist..my underwear slid off slowly and tantalizingly as he pulled the covers over us. Then the phone rang.
“Who the hell?” he asked pushing himself up.
“Hello?” I asked into the recevier.
“Turn off your lights.” Frank said and then a dial tone. I started laughing then hung up and I was holding my sides.
“What?” Rob asked looking down.
“No.I’m not laughing at you.you have nothing to worry about.it was Frank.” he looked back at his house and Frank waved a hand and Rob waved back then started laughing. “He told us to turn off the lights.”
“Um.” I grabbed my robe and waved to Frank who called.
“Jessy.I wasn’t peeping I wasn’t.I was just looking over to see what he went over for in such a hurry.” I smiled and nodded.
‘It’s okay Frank.it’s okay.” I said as I flipped off the light.
“Have a good night and tell him nice flowers.” I laughed and he hung up and I felt a pair of arms around my wiast.
“So is my apology accpeted for leaving you alone today.I have to say.I thought about you all day.I called your cell twice but it’s going stright to voice mail.’ I nodded.
“It’s dead.” I said and he smiled. “How’d you even get my cell?” I asked and he smiled.
‘Liam.” I fell back into him, and kissed his neck and chin.he turned his head and kissed me. “I love you.” he whispered and I rubbed his ear and chin.
‘I love you.” I spun around in his arms and undid the sash of my robe and slid it off my body.it hit the floor around my feet and he kissed me deepley. “Would you want to come back to this.everyday?” I asked and he rubbed my back.
“I don’t know if I could do this every day.I have my limits Jess.” he said kissing me.
“I mean to me.” he pulled back and smiled.he kissed me.
“That would be a dream come true.” he said and I rubbed his temples with my thumbs and held his head.
“Then move in with me.” I said kissing him.he kissed back then he pulled back.
“What?” he asked looking at me. “What did you just ask me?” I smiled and rubbed his shoulders.
“ I asked you if you want to move in with me.it’s a big house.I’m alone.and I want to wake up to you every day.I want you to be here.”
“Wiat!” he said holding my face.
“You don’t want to.” I said walking away.
“Stop.stay..” he said as I grabbed my jeans.
“Rob I know it was fast but if the apropriate answer comes to you immedetley.it’s a disscussion for a later time.”
“I’m just figureing out how to answer.” he mumbled turning around.
“Um it’s a yes or no question.” he shook his head.
“Nope.not true.it’s this.” he walked over to me and pulled me on to the bed positioning himself over me. “I want to move in with you.I want to be able to wake up to a screaming cell phone and be afriad of waking you up.I want to be able to get up and make two people coffee instead of an old man tea and me coffee.I want to be able to curl up with you in the winter and watch the snow.watch the storms come in off the lake..play thirty one with you in our underwear.I want to be happy.and I know that now.if I move in with you.I’ll be happy.if I live with you and not some stuffy old man.I can feel as amazing as I did last night.everyday.so yes Jessica.yes I’ll move into this house.I’ll move in with you.yes I’ll make love to you like I did last night for as long as I can.yes.I’ll make you soup when you get those amazingly nasty colds.you always get.yes, I’ll feed your dog.yes, Jessica..yes.” I pulled his lips to mine and he and I kissed and I felt him grow agianst my thigh.
“Rob.” I whispered as the sun turned to the purple shades.
“Jess.” He said afriad.
“Make love to me.” he laughed and put his forehead on mine.
“You don’t have to tell me to.I’ll always want too.” he said in this husky voice, I kissed me and then I felt the shockwave as he entered. “I love you. you need to believe that.” I rubbed his neck as we began to move and our eyes locked again.
“If there’s one thing I believe right now Rob. it’s that.” he pushed deep and I moaned. “I love you.I love you more than I have anyone else. more than I’ll love anyone, ever.” he smiled. and then I don’t think either of us had words to express how amazing it felt. we made love five times. Consecutive, stopping only for close to a minute then he and I would look at each other and we were back at it. He fell next to me at two am and I knew neither of us could go again even if we wanted to.
“Oh god.how do you do that. how do you make me feel like that. god your just amazing.” he said as he looked over at me out of breath. his body covered in sweat as he breathed heavy.
“I can say the exact same thing about you.ask you the exact same things.oh god.” I said as I felt that final wave the chills as your body comes back to normal. “I love you.” I said and he kissed me tenderley.
“I love you.more than I’ll ever love anyone.I need you jess.” I grabbed him and he grabbed back.
“I need you.your what I needed, what I’ve always wanted.” He kissed me passionetley and wrapped arms around me. “Never let go.” I whispered.
“You don’t have to tell me twice.I found you Jess and your never leaving.I’m never losing you.” I closed my eyes and held onto him.
“I’m never gonna leave.you feel to right.” I whispered realizing that this was where I belonged.I know two days of dating and I’m already living with him.in love with him.and I already know he’s my soul mate.
“Until the morning my love.” he said mocking my old movies.
“Oh your not funny.” I said and he laughed and I snuggled into him, his grip tightened and I fell asleep.I don’t know when rob fell asleep all I know is we both woke up to gipper jumping on the bed.
“DOG!” Roy called running in. “Sorry!” he said as he saw me and Rob both Necked. he left the room
“It’s not your fault.” I said as I grabbed my robe and covered up looking at my paint covered dalmation.
“You told me where the Key was.and I was just finishing up in the hallway and he was behind me and I didn’t see him.and I steped back and spilled the paint on him.” I grabbed the dog by the collar.
‘It’s okay roy.did it get on the carpet?”
‘No it was on the wood floor I cleaned it up but he made a beeline for this room.” I laughed.
“Do you have a lot left to do?”
“Just the guest room and the kitchen.” I nodded.
“I’ll clean him up.” I said as I pulled him into the bathroom and turned on the water. I walked out and handed rob his scrub pants.
“Thanks.” He said and I smiled.
“Where is the painter?”
“He went back to the job.” he said as he pulled them on.
“You look so hot in your scrubs.” I said pulling on them.
“Oh don’t Jess.don’t.I’m so tired.” I laughed and kissed him.
“Oh so I wore you out?” he looked at me with this um yeah look.
“Have you ever seen what you look like during that?” I shook my head no. “It’s pretty hard to stay controlled.” he said rubbing the terry cloth robe.
“I have to go clean him off.” I said as I walked into the bathroom and slid into the tun.
‘The dog is taking a bath not you.” He said and I whisteled and gip jumped in. “OH that’s normal.”
“He won’t take a bath other wise.” I said grabbing the shampoo and rubbing it onto his back as his back paw twitched.
“Oh god somehow this is a turn on.” he said sitting on the toilet the lid down so it was like a seat.
“Really?” I asked and he glared at me. “So if I do this.” I said as I rubbed the dogs back slower and sultry.
“Jessica!” he said looking at the cealing.
“Oh fine.take away my fun.” I said as I cleaned off gipper and he looked for his ducky.
“What’s he doing?” Rob asked as gipper stuck his head under water then pulled it back up.
“Looking for this.” I said holding the ducky up. Gipper barked and I played with him scratching his back and playing hide the ducky with him until Rob grabbed gipper and lifted him out ducky in the dogs mouth and he had this look on his face as he set the dog down.this crazed look. He pulled off his scrub pants and I knew he was coming in. “Rob” I said as he slid on top of me.
“Shh.you did this to me.you can help me through it.” I laughed and wrapped my legs around him and kissed him. We made love in the water.the water falling out as I stiffled moans and bit down on his ear lobe his hair slowly getting wet and then after he ran his hands all over.his hands gentle and he rubbed my muscles, not being disgusting his hands traveling making me feel wanted.
“I love you rob.” I said as I ran my hands through his wet hair.
“I love you Jess.I do.” he said kissing me gentley and then he pulled the plug on the tub and lifted me out.
“We smell like dog.” I said and he laughed.
“It’s better than lake.” he said and I smiled and he pulled on the scrub pants and I pulled on the boxer shorts that I bought for me.sleep plants.
“Okay so no work today?” I asked and he smiled.
“Nope.” he said wrapping me in his arms. “Today I’m moving in.” I smiled wideley and kissed him full of passion. “Okay so tell me.” he said rubbing my back. “Do you and gipper always take baths together?” I laughed and shook my head.
“only when he needs them, other wise he just hangs out and holds the ducky.” I said and he smiled.
“Okay.well get dressed.I’m gonna go pack up my suitcases.” I turned my head like a dog would. “I’ve been living out of suitcases.all my stuff is in the boxes in the guest room.” I smiled.
‘You’ll be moved in before I am.” I said and he laughed. “My stuff comes in three days.my friend at the publushing house is overseeing the packing.” I laughed and he smiled.
“We are really gonna live together.like we planed.” I smiled.
“I don’t see a huge pool.or five dogs.or a room entireley devoted to candy.” I said describing what we said our house was gonna be like when we moved in together.you know the eight year old dream. He laughed and kissed me.
‘But I do see the woman I love.who was once the girl I loved.in a house that I have always loved.giving me the one thing I’ve always lusted after.” he said putting his forehead on mine.
“And that is?” I asked and he held my face.
“The perfect life.” I wrapped my arms around him and he held onto me. He kissed my hair and then after about ten minutes we pulled back and he grabbed his t-shirt and hugged me. “I’ll be back in like a half hour.with Frank.” I smiled and kissed him.
“So I can’t come to the door in my underwear.damnit.” he laughed and ran a hand through my hair and kissed me.
“If you knew how addicting you are.god.” he said as he took a step back.
“Just go I’m gonna get dressed.” I said as I walked into the closet.now many of you are wondering how does a sun porch have a bathroom and a closet.my grandfather that’s how.he added a bathroom to the house.for me.
“I’ll be back.”
‘I know you will.” I said as I walked out with my NYPD shirt on. “I love you.” I said kissing him.
“I love you too.I’ll be back.don’t worry.”
“Rob you live next door I’d know if something happened.” he smiled and I followed him to the door and kissed him goodbye.
“So he’s a doctor.” Roy said and I smiled.
“Don’t worry.I’ve always had a thing for real men.” he laughed then pionted to his wedding band. “Oh I’ll just have to settle for him.” I said with all of this being a joke of course and he cracked up and continued laughing. “If you want anything.like to eat or drink.fridge is stocked.as is the pantrey make yourself at home.” he smiled and I walked back up stiars pulled on a pair of jeans andsome sandals and looked out the window and saw rob walking around a box filled room this grin on his face as he grabbed a few boxes and moved them. I dialed his cell just to watch him fish for it. He dropped the boxes on the bed and lunged for it. He picked up the phone looked at it and laughed.
“Your watching me aren’t you.” he said and I walked in to the hall.
“Nope just calling to see if you and frank want breakfast?” I heard him move.
“I know you were watching me and I’m sure frank would love some of those eggs.” I walked infront of the window.
“Do you want help?” I asked and he shook his head. “Are you sure.I mean I want to help you carry boxes and stuff.”
“I’m just looking for my keys Jess.” he said as hi picked them up off the floor.
“Why do you need keys?” I asked and he laughed and I saw him fiddiling with the key chian. “YOU STOLE MY KEY!” I yelled and he cracked up.
“You have all the master keys.I need a key.” he said like a baby.
“Jerk.” I said sitting down.
“Oh I can see you better.” I flipped him off. “Nice Jess Nice.” he said still smiling I’m sure.
“Oh you know I love you.” he fiddled with the key agian and chucked somthing towards a wall. “What did you just throw?”
‘My apartment key.” he said setting his key’s down and putting one of those headsets.you know bluetooth, on. “Out with the old in with the new.” he said as he pulled the scrub pants off and pulled on a pair of boxers and a pair of jeans. Then a notre dame t-shirt.
“You okay?” I asked and he laughed.
“Jessica my apartment was about the size of your room.I’m okay.your twice the woman Marie was and right now I’m really glad I’m not married to her.” I smiled.
“I’m just checking cause I care Rob.” I said and he laughed.
“Jess there’s a guy on your porch.” I got up and put my bluetooth on.
“Oh who could it be.we have sears guy.mover guy, if I’m insaneley lucky.brother or relitive.or it could be.” I said as I reached the bottom floor and the man who was standing on the deck made my heart stop.
“Who?” Rob asked.
“Rob it’s ian.” I said in this low whisper.
“I’m on my way. Jess don’t move okay.don’t move.”
“Rob.I have to he might see me.” I moved into the living room and rob kept his phone on.
“Hey!” I heard him yell.
“Hi is this the Marks place?” Ian asked his voice making me want to vomit.
“Why?” Rob said and I could feel him sizing Ian up.
“I’m kinda an old friend of Jessica’s.and I’m just coming to surprise her.you know like a i;m sorry surprise.” I knew Rob was pissed.
“Well Jessica is my.”
“Wife.I”m your wife.” I said and he smiled, I had found a window where I could watch.
“Jess is my fiancé.”
“What?” Ian asked and I made the yes sound.
“Good job honey.let’s just get him out of my life forever.”
“She and I are getting married.”
“I wasn’t aware of that.Ian Gregson.” he said extending a hand.
“Ass hole, prick, and slime ball of the mellenia.” I said as he said.publisher, editior, and advertising. A saw a smirk form on Rob’s lips.
“Rob Harrision.head of oncology at spectrum health.”
“So you’re a?”
“Cancer doctor.” He said with a wave of a hand.
“Oh and he was so much smarter than me.” I said vindictiveley.
“So it’s Dr. Harrison.” Ian said fixing his tie.
“I’m comming out.gip’s coming.last time.chomp.” Rob nodded and I left. Heading towards the door.
“I’m sorry but if your engaged and this is jess’s house what were you doing next door?” Ian asked and I froze.
“That’s my grandfather’s house.I’ve been living there until Jess and I could move in together.” Ian nodded.
“And you met Jess how?”
“I was four.she was four.our grandparents set up a play date.best friends till eleven..I moved.she moved.I ran into her about five months ago and knew.” Ian ran a hand through the greased up mop.
“I really can’t see Jess as someone who would be getting married.”
“How do you know her?” Rob asked knowing why I wasn’t coming yet.
“I used to be her boyfriend.”
“You’re that ian.” Rob said and James’s car pulled in the drive.
“James.James at tweleve o clock.”
“Is that her?”
‘No that’s James.” Rob said turning around, walking ten feet and then stopping as james got out.
“ROBBIE!”James called walking over to him and hugging him.
“For what’s about to happen Jess and I are engaged. in order for the plan to work you must play along.”
“What’s up?” James whispered.
“Ian’s here.” Rob said and I saw James get ridged.
“Where.”
“James don’t okay.just calm yourself.” I said and he heard me.
“Is she on that thing?” He asked and Rob nodded. “Where is she.” I smiled.
“In the front hall.” James smiled and pretened to laugh as they walked toward Ian.
“He’s dead Jess.I don’t care.he slammed ou agianst a wall.he’s dead.” James put his hands in his pocketts and I sat down.
“So now your back from outer space.” James said and Ian backed off.
“I’m just here to see how she’s doing.”
“You know what.I don’t beliave that.I think you thought.maybe if I play my cards right.she mught sleep with me.maybe she’ll forgive me.I have to say this now.before she comes out and starts holding me back.you are a sorry ass piece of shit.she did nothing to you.you used her.you hurt her and you abused her.she’s not a disposable object, she’s my sister.his fiancee, and she’s a damn good person, she’s been through shit you couldn’t even dream of making it throug and all she was to you was a meal ticket.and a way to meet women.so you best leave.cause if you stay much longer.you’re gonna have to deal with the whole lot of us.including Rob.” Rob smiled and I took my que.
“There right.” I said scaring all of them.
“Jess I never meant.”
‘When you say that type of shit to a persons face while you inflict pain on them and force them to listen..you mean it.leave.” I said taking the headset off my ear.
“I’m not going.I need to talk to you.”
“About?”
“I want to apo-“
”Don’t finish that scentece.” I said handing james the headset.
“Jess.”
“It’s Jessica.only those who mean at least more than dirt to me.can call me jess.you you don’t mean more than the smallest grian of sand on that beach.you don’t mean more than half of one blade of grass.your apology is shit.you have mo moral code.you have no charecter.so how could you possibly know how to apologize.if you don’t leave my porch.since this is my house.I can call the police and have you arrested for tresspassing and causing an uproar.which is a crime here.” He held up his hands and walked by us. I smiled to my self and looked at the guys. “Watch the master work.” I said as I walked by and stopped him. “I’m sorry too.” He put a hand on my waist and I heard James get held back by Rob. I put a hand on his shoulder drew close and he thought I was gonna kiss him.HELLLL NO! I pulled my leg back with all my strength and rammed it beteween his legs. “Only I’m sorry that your loveley wife will have to settle for one child.” I said as I punched his face.
“I could bring you up on charges.”
“I can bring you up on abuse.threten to hurt and even kill.attempted rape.attempted murder.possesion.and driving while under the influence.” he stood up. “It ends here.anything that ever happend between us ends here.you and I will never see eachother agian.I will never think of you agian.because your not worth the tears.your not worth the hurt.and you’re sure as hell not worth the time.” I said turning around and walking away.
“Is this really how you wanna end this?” he asked I smiled.
“No.I want it to end with you being gone.halfway to detriot.never coming back.but your still here.” he got in his car calling me a bitch and a whore.and pulling out. “And stay out!” I yelled.
“LADIES AND GENTLEMAN THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!” James yelled as Rob ran out to me and kissed me.
“He’s really gone.” I said holding onto him.
“I wanted to hurt him so bad Jess.just the way he looked around for you.I wanted to hurt him so bad.” I kissed him.
“He’s not comming back.not unless he wants his balls severd to him on a trialer hitch by Jamie here.” James cringed.
“How many times.I hate that name.” He said head locking me.
“How many times I hate this game.” I said elbowing him, then flipping him.
“Ouch.” he said and I helped him up.
“I was comming out to give you these!” he said handing me new keys.
“There my keys?” I asked looking at the Notre Dame covered one.the MSU covered one and the Mickey Mouse covered one. “Katie picked this out didn’t she?” I asked.
“So I took my niece with me.” He said and I looked at Rob.
“Catch.” I said tossing it to him.
“Oh Awsome.” he said like a kid.
“They don’t make NYU ones Jessy.” I made the Ha ha face and he smiled.
“Thanks.State’s still my team.” I said kissing his cheek. “But how’d you know to get him one.”
“Kay.she had a feeling.” he said doing the air quotes.
“Gotta Love Kay.” we both said at the same time. His phone buzzed.
“I gotta get back to work.I’ll see you later.” he said kissing my cheek shaking Rob’s hand.
“Thanks.” Rob said.
‘No prob your basically family.I mean your already engaged.wait till I tell the boys.” I glared at him and he just laughed and pulled out.
“So see.now you get a special Key.just for you.” I said kissing him.
“Jess.” he said shoving the key in his pocket.
“Uh oh.” I said and he shook his head.
‘No uh oh.I want to take you to south bend in about a week..just to see my parents.”
“Rob Notre Dame Summer family day is next week.” I said and he smiled.
“So.” I hit his arm. “Please Jess.please.” he said making the puppy eyes.
“Oh don’t.not that face.Rob.no.oh god.stop you look like a lost puppy.stop.FINE!” he smiled and kissed me.
“Yeah!” he said doing a little turn.
“Do that agian.” he did it.
“OKAY PANSY BOY STOP!” Frank said and I laughed my head off.
“You knew he was comming.” he said pionting a finger at me.
“Of course.”
“Jessy!” Frank called.
“Hey frankie!” I said hugging him.
“You took my hint.” he said in a whisper.
‘Wait.he’s the reason I’m moving in?” I shook my head.
“He just helped me make the final descision to ask.you know cleared up any trepiditions I might have.” Rob nodded.
“She said we can go!” he said like a kid.
“Am I going to this football fun or are Dora and I gonna hang out alone?”
“No you Dora.Joe, Frank and Rob.alll going!’ Rob said making a circle with his hands. “Wiat how’d you know it was next week?” he said skeptical.
“The magnet on your grandfather’s refridgerator.the one holding the note book paper with big red letters that says ND trianing in one week!” they both started laughing.
“It’s a big deal.” Rob said and I nodded.
“Obviously.” I said as I pulled out my keys and put the new house key on. “Looks good don’t it.” I said and rob laughed.
“Okay let’s move him out.” Frank said as we walked into the house. It took us from the time we started eight to almost one o’clock in the morning moving and unpacking his things. When he put the last book on the shelf I looked at my room.his things hung in the closet, laid in dresser drawers next to my stuff.his trophy’s sat next to my Oscar on the mantle above the fire place (In the living room) his diploma hung on the wall in the office next to mine ( grandpa took it and framed it before I could have a choice.) His books rubbed up against mine.it had even started to smell like him. He kissed me then went out to make sure frank got home okay. I walked around seeing the changes.seeing the him thrown in.seeing the me and Grandpa thrown in. I sat down and sighed.
“He lives here now.I’m living with him now.” I said to my self . I sat there just knowing that from now on.he’d come home here.his car would be parked out front.his coat would hand on the hook.he would wake up on Christmas with me.knowing.he was gonna be here and giving me what we both wanted.the perfect life. I stared out the window and saw him pull out and pull-in my drive way. My cell rang. “Hello?” I said pushing the ear piece button.
“Lock the front door.I wanna do something.”
“Okay?” I said and he laughed.
“Just roll with it.I’m gonna hang up now.love you.”
‘Love you.” I said as I locked the door. I turned off my phone and sat down on the couch having no idea what he was doing. I heard his car beep and then his footsteps then his key in the door.then the door swung open.
“HONEY I’M HOME!” he yelled and I laughed my head off as Gipper came hurrying into the room and jumping at him trying to get him to play. “Hey he likes me now.” He said and I smiled and nodded.
“He must know your daddy.” I said and he smiled and looked down.
‘Is daddy home boy is daddy home?” the dog barked and licked his face.
“Yep.” I said and he walked over to me and kissed me.
“I’m home.” he said with this huge grin.
“So am I.” I said rubbing his arms.
“As amazing as I feel right now.I don’t think I’ve been this tired in about a month.” he said flopping next to me.
“Then let’s just sit here and watch some t.v.” I said as he snuggled me under his arm and then moved behind me and sat his back against the arm on the sofa his arms around me.me between his legs and laying agianst his chest.
“Sounds good.” he said rubbing his fingers on my stomach. We sat there and watched late night t.v. in our house.and I couldn’t help but thinking.could Liam have foreseen this.could he have known this would happen that one day I’d live here with Rob, or I’d ever move back, or I’d ever live through his death. “I love you Jessica.” he said laying his back. “I’m gonna tell you that everynight.before we go to bed.and since I’m about ready to fall asleep.” I laid back and looked up at him.
“I love you too Robert.” I said and he laughed.
“You know when you say my name.it sounds so amazing.” I rolled over and climbed up his chest pulling on the grey fabric.
“I love you robert andrew harrision.” he smiled and held my sides.
“I love you Jessica Leo Marks.wait where did Leo come from?” he asked rubbing my sides.
“My mom gave each one of her kids one of her siblings names as a middle name.my uncle Leo.died before I was born.” I said kissing him.“But she’s th eonly girl.and she wanted us to have her family name even if it wasn’t our surname.” He smiled and kissed me and I laid my head on his chest.
“Oh look.Jess let’s buy it!” he said as we looked at the screen.
“We don’t have kids wh would we need Marvins Magic Rainbow board?” I asked as I felt myself falling asleep.
“To write little notes on the fridge in the morning.”
“Flowers say it all.Honey.flowers say it all.” he laughed and put his arms around me holding me so gentley.
“I’m a doctor Jess not bill gates.” I smiled and kissed his neck.
“You don’t have to buy them.remeber.dandylions and weeds.the little flowers we used to get to give to our moms.” he laughed and put his head back closing his eyes.
“She’d put them on the counter in a cup.” he said rubbing my arm.
“Ah huh.” I said yawning.
“Night Jess.I love you.”
“Night Rob.I love you too.” Gipper whinned.
“Love you.” we both said which got us to smile, then lack of sleep and extreme excitment took over, we fell asleep I dreamt that night.this dream many women have.but I have never had it.the wedding dream.it was amazing.perfect.on the beach, with all my family.white everywhere.summer in full run, soft music and Rob in a tuxedo, god he looked hot.I never saw my dress cause when I was about to look in the mirrior my dream was rudeley interuppted by Gipper licking my face.
“No gip.” I said pushing him off.
“What’s he doing?” Rob asked as he streched and rubbed his face.
“Trying to wake me up.go back to sleep.” I said curling up.
“Jess it’s eight o’clock.” he said looking at his watch.
“I’m tired.” I groaned and he smiled, and rubbed my arm.
“But Frank will be over soon.” He said in this I’m a morning person voice.
“You’re a morning person aren’t you?” I said as I pulled the couch blanket over my eyes.
“Kinda.”
“There is no kinda.either you can live through mornings or you cant.Jessica can’t.” I said moving back on to him.
“Oh come on.” he said as he tried to pull the blanket up.
“No.” I said grabbing onto it.
“Jessica.”
‘Your not my father.” I said holding onto it tighter.
“But I can make you a better offer if you get up.” I pulled the blanket down past my eyes.
“And that would be?” I asked he smiled and tore the blanket off me. “Oh you tricked me.” I said hitting his chest.
“You don’t get up in the next ten seconds, you’re going in the lake.” I shot up.
“I’m up!” I said and he smiled
“Good now come here.” he said pulling me into a kiss.
“I thought your grandfather was coming.”
“At eleven.” he said rubbing my sides.
“Well we do both need to take a shower.”
“Let’s go.” he said sitting up and pulling me up the stiars. We pawed at eachother’s clothes mouthes locked as we ventured through the room.finally we were in the scalding hot water.the glass doors slaming shut behind us as steam poured out. He and I made love twice in the shower.once before we washed our hair and cleaned off and agian after ward.then as we got out he wrapped my towel around me kissing me and then wrapped his around his waist and we both got ready.working around eachother seamlesley, like it was second nature.
“How many Notre Dame T-shirts do you have?” I asked looking at the closet.
“One for every day of two weeks.” he said with a smile. “That’s all I wore those and jeans.or work out shorts.comfy.” he said pulling one on. “What?”
“Such a lame excuse.” I said pulling on my one of three NYU shirts.
“Oh look at you.”
“Ah!” I said holding up my finger. “I have reasons for these.”
“And they are?”
“One I had to have one when I would talk at schools or work there.” he nodded. “Two.I went to the college.” He nodded agian. “And three.if you didn’t have at least one or two you were like blacklisted.” he smiled. “See they were’nt my wordrobe the t-shirt was my from time to time clothing.” he smiled, and pulled on his sneakers.
“You know franks gonna want a picture.” he said and I nodded.
‘He needs proof.” I said and he wacked my but with his other shirt. “Ow!” I said rubbing it. “What was that for?” he smiled.
“Do I need a reason?” I scoffed and as I walked out I smacked his ass with my last night’s jeans.
“OW! At least I didn’t use denim!” he said putting the belt through the last loop. I smiled and walked out.letting my hair out of the instinctive bun I always wore it in as it fell wavy and soft in those curls that look good.if you like that kind of look.
“Well at least I didn’t smack you first.” I said as I brushed my teeth.
“Oh I was just playing and you know it.” he said coming into the bathroom grabbing his tooth brush.gold and green.
“Is everything notre dame with you?” I asked and he laughed.
“This was a gag gift from my old roomate.the only one who ever listened to my stories about the lake.which is why I’m still friends with him.”
“Do I get to meet him?” I asked as I ran a brush through my hair.
“Yep next week.” he said and I went to pull my hair up. “No.” he said grabbing my hand.
“What?” I asked like is there somthing wrong.
“Leave your hair down.” I laughed and made to pull the band and he snapped it off my wrist.
“Ow!” I said letting my hair fall.
“Sorry but it had to be done.” he said running a hand through my hair.
“Do you know how think my hair is.do you know how hot like temperture it gets.” he shook his head.
“But you look good with it down.” I rolled my eyes and ran my fingers through the brest bone length mop.
“Whatever.” I said as he spit out his toothpaste and he grabbed the back of my pants with his hand as I was leaving pulling me back to him.
“Excuse me?” he said like a dad.
“I said whatever.like I don’t care.sure I’ll leave it down.” he laughed and kissed me. “Ooo fresh breath.” I said and he laughed.
“No coffee yet.” he said rubbing his head.
“You getting a headache?” I asked rubbing his temples with my thumbs.
“No.not anymore.” he said softly. “Jess how do you do that?” he asked as I let go.
“Liam taught me.you did know he was a doctor.”
“He was.I always thought he was just the old guy who ran the hardware store.” he said cause that’s what he did.that and he had a small medical practice.fifty patice.my family frank and a few gus from town.
“He was a doctor in Vietnam.and he had a small practice.which he sold after he retired and opened the hardware store.” I said as I just put on mascara.
“Your kidding.” he said putting a hand on the counter and laeaning agianst it. “Liam marks.your grandfather.the man who used to put steak on your bruise.”
‘It works.” I said.
“It does but he just never struck me as a doctor.” I held up a finger.
“Then come with me.” I said as I pulled him into my grandpa’s room. Bad move.really bad move.the second I got in there.I went weak.Rob knew it.
“Hey.Jess.come here.’ he said pulling me into his arms.
“I forgot I left it like this.” I said and he just rubbed my back.
“I’m okay.I’m okay.” I said as I walked over to the wall of photo’s and took down the one of my grandfather from a newspaper.him working away in vietnam, tag line.a true hometown hero. I handed it to Rob, he took the old wood frame and looked at it.
“Local boy Liam Marks of lakeshore drive.serves his country as one of the top field doctors available.the recent husband of Valery Marks Liam expects to come home in six months for the birth of his first child.before then.he is focused on doing the duty he signed up for when he inlested and when he was assigned.I can’t make out the rest.” I smiled.
“He volunteered to go.he had just graduated from med school.he’d just married Gram and my dad was on the way.and from the letters he wrote.he was still s foucsed as he could be on that one task.he always was like that.when Gram died.he put the wood floor in.by hand.saying she’d always wanted it done.so his world was caving and he worked for three weeks just getting it done.like a way to distract himself.” I said sitting on the bed.
“Jess I know what we have isn’t a distraction.” I looked up at him.
“How did you know that dawned on me?” he bent down.
“Cause I know you Jess.we aren’t just together because your trying to distract yourself.we’re together.because Liam is up there, telling god.okay push those two back together.I need to keep my twenty bucks.just make sure there together.make sure there happy.he’s pushing us together.I can feel it Jess.I’m not a distraction.” I nodded and kissed him.
“Your not a distraction.” I said looking in those eyes. “You’re the man I love.” I said and he smiled.
“You’re the woman who I love.” he said kissing me and rubbing my cheek. “We have this bond I don’t understand jess.and I know that you arent a distraction, I know your not anything other than the most amazing woman I have ever loved.and I know we’re moving fast.but I just need you jess.when I was at work the other day.I’d think I’ve got to get back.Jess is waiting.I’m dating Jess.I’m in love with Jess.I walked into my office and there was the picture and it just made me smile.Jess you make me happy.what we have is somthing that very few people have.Jess we are just meant to be.” I grabbed him, and kissed him.
“How do you know just what to say to make everything less complicated?” he laughed and rubbed my arms.
“Cause you bring it out in me. Your bring out the best in me.” he said and then the door bell rang. “God Frank be late once!” he said standing up. He was about to leave when I looked over at him.
“Rob.” he stopped and turned around.
“Yeah Sweetie?” he asked making me laugh.
“I love you.” I said grabbing his hand. “Let me just show you somthing real quick.” He looked at me with this.there is no way I can pull that off in ten seconds. “No! Just follow me.” I said pulling him into my room and handing him my laptop. “The background.just look at it.” he lifted the lid.
“Jess.” he said looking over it at me.
“See.I said you were a part of me.” I said as he turned the screen around and I saw the picture he had in his office the background every computer I have ever had’s background. He smiled and kissed me.
“So you never really forgot me?” I shook my head.
‘How can you forget your husband?” I asked and he set my computer down and pulled me into his arms.
“I want to be your husband.” he whispered kissing me. “But that’s a bit fast.like months too fast.”
“Agreeded.as wonderful as it would be to be married to you, I think I want to watch this relationship grow.” he laughed kissed me then ran down the stairs as consistant pushing of the doorbell commenced.
“I’M COMMING!” Rob yelled as he hit the floor.
“Hurry up!” frank yelled still ringing. Rob threw open the door.
“Cool it!” he said and then “Sorry.” he said like a kid, which made me laugh.
“Jessy whip him into shape for me.get him to respect his elders.”
“You can’t teach what you don’t know.” That got both of them to break out laughing hard. “Okay.I”m gonna make eggs.” I said walking into the kitchen and begining breakfast.we ate.went for a walk on the beach Rob’s hand holding my securley as our toes brushed through the sand and at time the water.this became our routine.for the next day and a half before my stuff arrived.I’d wake up next to Rob.clothed and not clothed.kiss him to get him up walk out of the room have breakfast ready by eight dressed by eight fiteen walking down the beach at nine.then the truck came.the truck with all my crap. Rob laughed at the boxes.and then as we unpacked at how many times we loaded the suburban up with boxes and junk for thowing away.and after a day and a half.I was offically moved in. I sat in bed my laptop on my knees typing away while rob talked to dora walking around the room rolling his eyes at times.
“I know mom.yes I know.uh huh.when I’m ready.got that.yes.MOM!” I laughed. “No.I’m not.I’m not doing that.no I refuse.I’m not five anymore mom.no.fine.Jess?” I looked up over my glasses. “She wants to talk to you.” I extended a hand and he grabbed my laptop. “Can I?” he asked and I shook my head.
“Hi dora!” I said excitedly.
“JESSICA!” she said still sounding like the woman who used to greet us with cookies. “Oh gos it’s good to hear your voice.god.” I smiled.
‘It’s good to hear your voice too.” I said looking at rob who was lifting the lid, I got up and slammed it shut. “No.” I mouthed. “Nobody reads it till it’s done.that was grandpa’s duty.” he nodded and set the lap top down.
“Sorry.” he mouthed as Dora gabbed about how much she dissliked Marie.
“You didn’t know.don’t apologize.” I said lightly kissing him.
“I love you.” he said and I nodded.
“I know.” I said both to dora and him.he smacked my but playfully. “Oh I love you too.” I mouthed and he smiled then plopped down on the bed Gipper jumping up and licking his face.
“It’s just nice to know he’s happy.” I caught. “Jessica if there was one thing I reggreted for Rob it was that we moved him.you two have this bond.I saw it as kids and it tore me apart to have to move him.” I sat down and knew there was some emotion coming. “I only want him to be happy.and I can tell by his voice.he is.I can tell you make him happy.and for that Jessica I will forever love you for.”
‘I love you too dora.I mean you’ve been there kinda like Grand pa and Gram.just younger.” she laughed and I heard joe yell
“She better come cook with us.she’s valire’s grandughter that girl better cook!” I laughed and Dora scoffed.
“Don’t laugh at that.he’s just a pig.”
‘DAD’S NOT A PIG MOM!” Rob called.
“Shut up.” I said and he walked over.
“Excuse me.”
“Don’t talk to her like that Robert.she’s not doing anything.
“She told me to shut up.”
‘I could have told you to go jump in the lake that’s worse.” Dora laughed at my humor then he lifted me up. “NO! ROB!”
“What’s he doing.”
“I’m going swimming dora.I know I am.”
“ROBERT YOU PUT HER DOWN.Don’t you dar throw her in that lake at this time of night she’ll catch pnemonia.ROBERT are you listening to me?”
‘Nope.” he said grabbing the phone and setting it on the counter. I kicked and screamed writhing agianst his grasp as he finally tossed me into the water. “Ha ha ha ha.” he said like a kid.
‘Oh your dead.” I said running at him then once we got inside he pulled me ito him and kissed me.both of us forgetting Dora might still be on the phone. He pulled my shirt off as fire took over.we had made a few sounds when we heard.
“ROBERT ANDREW HARRISON.JESSICA LEO MARKS.KNOCK IT OFF!” Rob forze and grabbed the phone.
“Mom can I call you back?” He asked as I pulled my bra off.
“NO! YOU WILL NOT DISCRACE THAT GIRL!”
“Mom I love you very very much but right now.that’s the last thing on my mind.I don’t want to discrace her.I want to make love to her.”
“NO! YOUR STILL MY SON AND SHE IS STILL.STILL.”
“It’s okay Dora.” I said and she sighed.
“Just don’t do it too often.okay space it out.it’s to weird to think of you doing that.” she said and he laughed.
“I peomise mom.I promise.”
“I love you and bee careful..”
“I love you too.I’m gonna go now.”
“Bye.” she said and he hung up and I grabbed the phone and set it on the table.
“So Dr.Harrision.” I said pulling his shirt over his head his mouth meeting mine. “In your personal opinion.do you diserve this.after tossing me in a lake?” he kissed my neck and pulled off my jeans and I wrapped his body between my legs.
“I need to apologize don’t I? And what better way then to make love to you.until.I can’t move.” He whispered as he lifted me off the counter and carried me up the stiars.we made love from six o’clock Pm. to five o’clock am. no.that’s a lie.from six to midnight.we made love slowly passionteley.gentley, and softly no pain. He fell beside me and moaned deepley which drove me insane.
“God that’s an amazing sound.” I said weakly like I just ran a triatholon.
“Do you know what you sound like?” he asked looking over at me the sheen of sweat on his face and chest making me want him agian. I shook my head. “You call out my name and it’s the most amazing sound.you moan in your throat which works it’s way up then you let it out.you arch your back slightly, and these gasps that make it impossible to hold back.” He said rolling onto his side.
“You have the same gasps.and when you call my name it’s like so amazing.and you make that moan.that deep, hard.solid, Oh. My. God. Moan.which drives me insane.and when our eyes meet.
“I know.” he whispered kissing me.
“The fireworks.” I said and he smiled.
“We have the whole chinese New year going off, baby.we have this connection that’s like fire.” I nodded and kissed him.
“But right now.I’m so exhusted.” he smiled and rubbed my arm.
“I have that effect on women.” he said sticking his chin out.I laughed and hit his chest.
“Snob.” I said and he smiled, and rubbed my arms.
“You know I was just playing.” I nodded.
“I know.but you do have that effect on me.” He laughed and kissed me.
“I love you.” he said rubbing my cheek bone with the back of his hand.
“I love you.” I said curling up close to him, he breathed deep and I felt him relax. This life I could get used to, I thought as I fell asleep, remembering the night, how much I loved the way he felt, the way he tasted.and the little things he did which drove me crazy.like how in the morning when he wakes up he rubs the left side of his face only. with his right hand. And when he’s getting ready he always hums some song.and he makes this cute face when he’s done shaving and he’s checking to see if he’s missed any spots. Or when he’s lifting, like a box he gently bites down on his lower lip and when he see’s me he smiles still biting down.same face when he’s thinking or concentrating. I just loved his looks.movements.gestures.every little thing about him.he was perfect. He was mine and he was perfect.I dreamet about him, just what he looks like.just him and me talking.and I had a great nights sleep, and when I woke up he was standing over the bed just looking at me holding a coffee cup. “Rob?” I asked and he smiled, then I saw he was nervous about somthing.
“Jess.I think we need to talk.” I sat up. “I’m not breaking up with you or anything.but I found this.” he said holding up my planner.
“Yeah.and?” he sat down and handed me the page.
“If I’m not assumeing worng and my guess as to what this red dot means.we might have an issue.” I grabbed the planner and laughed.
“Nope.” I said and he looked at me like why the hell not.
“Jessica?”
“It was two and a half weeks ago.the ink just bleed through.no way I’d make a dot that small.” I said turning the pages and showing him. “That and I alsp write.take advil.” I said and he smiled and laid back holding the coffee by the rim a huge sigh coming out of him.
“God.I was freaking out.” he whispered rubbing my side still looking at the cealing.
“Oh would it be that terrible to have a baby with me?” I said laying down so my head rested on his rock hard abs. He ran his hand through my hair getley masaging my scalp.
“No.in fact it’d be amazing to have a baby with you.but I’m kinda a traditional kinda man.marrige then children.” I smiled and grabbed his hand lacing my fingers with mine and rubbing his knuckles with my fingers.
“So when we leaving for south bend?” I asked and he chuckled.
“Well it’s what Saturday?” he asked and I nodded. “We should probably leave.” he cleared his throat.
“We have to leave tommorow don’t we.” I said knowing he didn’t want me to get upset.
“Yeah.the note on the fridge was a few days off.” I laughed and he sat up my head falling into his lap he cringed then smiled and kissed me. “You wanna go out tonight.like to a movie or somthing?” I looked at him, and smiled.
“You gonna hold my hand and take me to the prom?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.
“C’mon I’m just asking.” I smiled and pulled his head down to mine.
“How bout a good movie.” I said kissing him, he smiled and kissed me. “Oh toothpaste and coffee.you’ve been up a while.” he smiled and kissed me.
“I was worried I was gonna have to tell my mom that I’d gotten you pregnant.I was scared to death jess.not just cause I’ve never been a dad before, cause I was worried about you.knowing that even though you’d make a great mother.it’s not a picnic to be pregnant.I was just worried about somthing going wrong.you getting hurt.it just struck me to the core Jess.” I rubbed his neck feeling this great emotion pouring from me. “I love you Jess and the thought of you being vaneruable like that kills me.” I felt tears running down my cheek, and I saw his.his tears. “I love you Jessica.”
“I love you.” I said holding onto him, he set his coffee on the ground and held onto me.both of us afriad of this love.how quick it came, how quick it was growing how amazing it felt and how deep it was. We sat there just holding onto each other only to be seperated by the phone ringing.
“Hello?” Rob asked sounding exhausted. “And what plans would you have that trump me and Jess.oh.really.I see.” he said raising an eyebrow “Franks gotta date.” he said looking at me, I smiled. “FRANK THAT WAS A SICK JOKE!” he said and I knew that Frank had just revealed he had a doctors apiontment. “Yeah with his doctor.” he said laying down. “Yeah Jess and I are gonna pack any way.yep we’ll see you tommorow bright and early. Yep.you too.bye.” he said dropping the phone on the bed and laughing at me as I crawled back under the covers head first. “You hiding?” he asked moving.I didn’t know where.
“Maybe.” I said and his hands grabbed my sides and he began to tickle me. “NO!” I said fighting back getting stuck in the white sheets.he tickled me as I laid there naked and helpless trapped in the sheet until he stopped and I felt him climb up my body his once boxer wearing form now compleatley naked as he pulled the sheet over us.like a pure white tent which gave this amazing white glow off around him.his hair falling in his face as he smiled at me.the sheet moved around us like this amazing fort.he kissed my stomach then up my body, between my brests, my collar bone, beneth my chin and my cheeks and eyelids, temples, then finally my lips.he kissed me with this amazing passion and ferver which made me go weak. “Rob.” I said as I felt him.
“Jess if you don’t want to you juat have to say so okay.” I laughed and rubbed his back then wrapped my legs around his wiast. “God don’t do that with out warning me.” he said stifly.
“Take me Rob.” I said and he moaned deepley then swiftly was deep inside of me. “Oh god I love you.” I said as we began to move.we went once, then he laid down next to me. “Still tired?” I asked and he laughed.
“Nope.just gonna wait a second till we go agian.” he said and I looked at him with my look and we were back at it agian this time going two more times then we accendentley fell off him landing on top of me.
“Ow!” I yelled as I hit my head.
“Jess you okay?” he asked getting off and lifting my head.
“Yeah I just hit my head.” I said rubbing it, he put a hand on the back of my head,
“Yeah you got a bump.do you feel nausous.like you’re gonna puke. your vison blurry.any signs of a concusion?” I cracked my neck.
“I think I’m okay, a little embarrased but okay.”I said as I made to get up then went weak.
“Jess.” Rob said really worried as he picked me up and set me on the bed. “Just let me check you out.” he said looking me in the eyes making me do all these tests.
“Rob.” I said as he made me follow his finger.he made no reply “Rob.” I said blinking, and looking at him. He tried to get me to follow his finger agian. “No.” I said and he moved it back and forth making this please face. “No.” I said and then he grabbed my face.
“Jessica I’m making sure you don’t have a cuncushion.” he said and I laughed and he kissed me.
“After like five little tests.what’s your opinion?” he smiled.
“Your fine it was just fun to play doctor and actually know what your doing.” He said with a smile.
“Okay so I’m okay.and you just made a fool out of me?” he shook his head.
“I was taking care of you.you do have a bump but it will go down.no cuncshion.but your still sexy dispite the bruise on your ass.” I looked down and I had a huge nasty bruise on my butt. I sighed and threw my self back on the bed.
“Thank you.” I said and he laughed.
“It’s not like anyone else is gonna see it.” he said kissing my thigh.
“Are you gonna kiss my ass?” I asked and he laughed.then kissed the bruise which hurt terribly. “OW!” I said and he laughed.
“Honey you broke a blood vessel in your butt, and it’s a big abriasion, the fact it got dark so fast means you hit the floor hard.” I sat up and made the well ya face.
“I did have a two hundred pound man on top of me.”
“One Eighty!” he said defensively.
“Sorry.” I said getting up.my whole left leg hurting as I walked into the closet, grabbing some underwear on the way. “MY ASS HURTS!” I yelled and he laughed.
“It’s gonna for a few hours.” he said coming in wearing a pair of tight white boxers.
“Nice Tighty Whites.” he laughed.
“Those are jockey like Speedo.these are just tight boxers.” he said with a smile.
“Oh no notre dame.maybe he’s not a true fan.” I said and he laughed and I pulled on a bra.
“Oh like you have MSU underwear.” I laughed and grabbed my jeans. “YOU DO!” he said walking out of the closet and opening my underwear drawer.
“Excuse you invasion of privacy much?” I said comming out pulling on a t-shirt.one of his notre dame t-shirts.
“Oh look at these.your gonna hve to put a little irishmen right here.” he said pionting to where the block S was still looking at the skimpy black thong.
“That or I just buy a pair from the notre dame bookstore.” I said as I propped my self agianst the door frame.
“Yeah but we wouldn’t want that but bruise to get wors-.wow.” he sais looking at me.
“Yeah I can see why you like these shirts so much.” I said as I streched my hands up ward and walked down stiars.
“JESSICA!” he said as he came after me and I laughed and ran down the stiars. My butt hurting the whole way down. I ran out of my house.he came bolting out after me then I cracked up and he ran back inside grabbing his jeans pulling them on and then coming after me.
“What you gonna do?” I asked sitting down on the ground.
“Of you get my shirt dirty.” I moved my arms back.
“You’ll what?” I said as I moved down to my elbows doing an almost back bend.
“Jessica.come on.”
“What is this like your favorite shirt?” he nodded. “What makes it so special?”
“Well A, it’s from my senior year.when the one the championship.and B your wearing it.” I smiled and stood up.
“So since it’s gonna smell like me.and I’m wearing it. makes it your favorite shirt?” he nodded and walked over and wrapped me in his arms.
“Well that and I love the way it looks on you.” he said putting his forehead on mine.
“I love the way it feels.and the fact that it smells like you is like bouns.” he laughed and kissed me.then the rian started.
“You ever danced in the rian?” he asked in this dangerously romantic tone. I smiled and shook my head.
“There’s no music.” I said and he laughed.
“You don’t need music.” he pulled me onto the driveway and we danced in the rian for the longest time.just laughing and dancing.at times we’d club dance you know the dance your always embarased to do but are only comfertable doing with close friends.slow dancing in the thick rain, he did that thing where he turned me around and held me so my back was agianst his front and he held me close our hips moving back and forth.then he picked me up and set me on the hood of his car.
“You know.your gonna get sick.” I said rubbing his neck.
“Don’t ruin it.” he said kissing me. “This is too perfect.” he said opening his car door and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m not sleeping with you in the back of a volkswagon.” he laughed and came out..his hand wrapped around somthing. “Rob?” I asked as he came back.
“Okay this isn’t an engagement ring.” he said opening the box, the velvet jewelry box. “But it is a promise ring.it tells you that somday an engagement ring will replace it.” he said taking my hand and sliding the silver ring on my finger. “there’s no dimond.cause I don’t want to move that fast.it’s just a silver band, but I’m made you a promise when I was eleven years old.one that I broke.but I’m hoping you’ll take me up on it someday.” I felt a tear roll down my face.
“What promise?” I asked rubbing his face.
“You don’t remember?” he asked pulling me closer. I shook my head and he laughed. “When I told you I was moving.”
“You told me you loved me.” I said remembering it, veaguely.I was too distrught at the time to fully process the memory but bits and pieces came flooding back.
“I told you I loved you and that when we were grown up.I’d be your boyfriend.”
“You kept that promise you’re my boyfriend.” I said and he laughed.
“You told me that I better be ready to get married.” I laughed.
“I was the cheekey?” I asked and he nodded.
“But I do want you to know that this.this is telling you that I love you enough to promise you that we will get married.” I hugged him and kissed him passionetley.
“I love you too Rob.I love you too.and I love it.” I said as I looked at the band and smiled. “And I can promise a yes.” I said and he laughed and we danced in the rian until about four and then we went inside soaking wet.
“Come on let’s go pack.” he said pulling me up the stiars, I sneezed, and he looked back at me. “Oh no.” he said and I smiled.
“I think I’m okay.right now my but hurts worse than my throat.”
“But your throat does hurt?” he said and I pushed his chest and he rolled his eyes and walked up the stiars grabbing his suitcase and filling it with all the clothes he needed. We listened to rock music loud and danced around as we packed.both of us screaming out bohemian rhapsody then laughing our buts off.finally we loaded up the car as the rain stopped, we put all our stuff in and after changing in to dry clothes we went to the store and I bought cold medicine. “Jessica.” Rob said as I put it in the cart.
“Just in case.” I said in the horse voice which made him look at me, like oh no. “I’m fine okay.” I said un convincingly.
“Come here.” he said stopping and putting his hands on my throat which was starting to hurt. “Okay nothing yet.but I don’t like your voice like that.” He said as we pushed on buying road snacks, and a few movies (I had to convinced him to take my car) we bought a blanket for the car and he grabbed a bag of those little bite size candy bars.my favorites.Mr. Goodbar, Hershey’s.and Krakel. “Just in case.” he said grabbing my hand and a box of condoms.
“Oh that’s not happening at your parent’s house.” I said and he smiled.
“Maybe I need to get another box of benydil.” I scoffed and punched his arm. “I was kidding there for when we get back.since I don’t want to freak out like that agian.” he said tossing them in the cart and then it happened.we were walking down the row when we ran right into James and Kay’s cart.
“HEY!” James said with a smile.
“Hey.” I said getting the same look.
“What’d you do?” He asked looking at me.
“It’s just a sore throat.” I said waving it off.
“Well Rick’s running around here somewhere.we’re watching the kids.”
‘It’s there aniversety.I toatly forgot.” I said and he nodded.
“Same.” He looked at rob who was yawning. “We boring you?” he shook his head.
“Nope.we’ve just been up all day.” he said rubbing the back of his head.
“Yeah we’re headed to south bend tommorow.” I said grabbing the slushie I made and taking a sip.
“Oh a meet the parents trip.” Kay said as Mike came running down the isle Rick chasing after him.
“MIKE!” I yelled immedetley regretting it.
“AUNT JESS!” he yelled as I scooped him up.
“How are you my good sir.” I said as he hugged my neck.
“Good but you sound sick.do you have a cold aunt Jess?” he asked putting his hand on my forehead.
“Tell me Dr.Marks do I?” he shook his head.
“Just the sniffles.” he said rubbing his nose.
“Ah see you were wrong Rob. it’s just the sniffles.” I said and Rob shook his head looking down.
“See she gets a second opion and I’m the stupid one.” he said acting it up.
“Nope your just wrong.” He said which got Kay to tell him that was wrong while the rest of us just laughed. “Sorry Rob.”he said and Rob just smiled.
“No need to say sorry. you’re right be proud.” he said as he offered his hand in a high five, mike slapped it and Rob smiled.
“Aunt Jess I have a question.” Mike said in this cute voice as I saw Katie grabbing on to James’s leg.
“Yeah?” I asked and he smiled.
“It’s a secret question.” he said and I smiled.
“Okay we’re gonna go have a secret q and a session over by the milk.” I said as we walked over towards it. “Do we need it?” I asked and Rob nodded. “Ok.” I said and when we got to the milk I looked at mike. “What’s your question?” I asked and he smiled.
“Can I call Rob uncle Rob?” I put him down and got on my knees.
“Do you want to call him that?” I asked and he nodded.
“He’s funny. when we were at the party and I went out side with them he carried me over his shoulder and told me he thought I was the football. then he told me I was the captain and I had to tell him what to do. he’s funny. and you really like him.” I smiled.
“Do I?” I said and he smiled.
“You make lovey eyes with him.” he said pushing my cheeks so I make th fishy face.
“Am I Nemo now?” I asked and he smiled, and nodded.
“And I’m crush!”
“TOATALY!” I said grabbing a gallon of Milk holding his hand and walking over.
“So what was that about?” James asked and Mike and I looked at each other.
“It’s a secret dad I can’t tell you.” He said and I nodded.
“Yeah dad play by the rules.” Rob laughed at that one.
“Okay. you.” he said picking up his son. “In the cart.” he said as he put mike in the cart and I put the milk in ours. “We have movie night.” James said hugging me, then Kay.
“Oh I bet your excited.” I said as I pulled Rick into a hug.
“Oh eah finding Nemo for the sixth time today.”
“Dude toatly.” Rob said mocking the turtle and I laughed.
“Don’t ever agian.” Rick and I said at the same time.
“Oh come on it wasn’t that bad.”
“Stick to your medical carrer.” Rick said and Rob laughed.
“You got her sharp tounge.” he said.
“Yep.” I said kissing Rick’s forehead. “And god bless him for it.”
“Okay Aunt Jess.” he said hugging me. “I’ll see you when you get back. love you.” he said hugging me. “Bye Rob.” he said with a wave. Rob smiled and Katie snuck up behind me.
“Bye.OH!” I said as she grabbed my leg. I bent over and looked at her. “Katie Bell!” I said and she ran through my legs and hugged me.
“We get to watch Nemo.” she said and Rick made the oh goodie not, face.
“Oh you’ll have fun and make sure Rick watches all of it.” I said and he laughed and gave me a dirty look. “Don’t make me call your mother.” I said and he walked away quickly. “Um where’s Kat?” I asked and Kay smiled.
“She’s with Jake’s mom and so is Kale.he wanted to go with them.I’ll never know why.” Kay said.
“Cause he loves Kat.” I said as I hugged her.
“Make sure she takes medicine.” Kay said and Rob nodded.
“I’ll give her orders.” he said and mike stood up in the cart.
“Bye uncle Rob!” he called and Rob smiled and James winked at me and I rolled my eyes. When they were out of the asile.
“Did he just call me uncle?” Rob asked a little grin and fear on his face.
“Are you okay with that?” I asked and he smiled widely.
“Yeah.I actually like it.” he said and I smiled. “Uncle rob.” he said to him self.
“Ah the joy’s of having siblings.” I said and he wacked me on the but with a magazine. “Oh ow!” I said wincing.
“Forgot sorry.” he said kissing me.
“S alright.” I said and he smiled and as we walked into the check out line my cell rang and Rob answerd it.
“Jessica Mark’s phone.” he said as I held my hand out.
“Rob.” I said and he smiled
“Hi Rick.” he said. “Nope she’s not getting the phone. oh your all gonna call me that now are you?” I rolled my eyes. “No. I don’t mind it at all. actually like it.”
“ROBERT!” I said which made me cough.
‘Oh fine.” he said handing me the phone.
“He made me yell Richard he made me yell.”
“Well we were all just calling to tell him and you that he is officially uncle Rob now.” I laughed.
“Officially.” I said and Rick laughed.
“But now I have to go talk to you later. love you.”
“Love you.” I said and then we both hung up.
“So I’m uncle Rob now.” he said as we did the self check out.” I nodded and yawned.
“And I’m a very tired aunt Jess.” I said as we got in the car and walked out to our car. I fell asleep in the car and woke up in Rob’s arms. “Rob?” I asked and he stirred and looked at me.
“Yeah?” he asked and I yawned.
“We’re home right?” he nodded.
“Okay.” I said snuggling into him. I fell into a deep sleep, and was awakened at five am. not by an alarm. not by my boyfriend. my dog. or my nieghbor. by my throat. my throat was so on fire I sat up. I knew rob would be up in an hour so I moved out of bed and made tea, just so I could clear out my sinusis and hopefully my throat. I had a mild cough too. remember the nasty colds Rob was talking about. this is the begining of one. I cleared my throat and started coughing agian.
“Jess?” Rob asked as he rubbed his eyes and came into the room.
“Hey.” I said horseley.
“Oh honey.” he said coming over to me.
“I don’t wanna get you sick.” I said and he smiled, and rubbed my neck.
“You’re getting the bad one aren’t you?” he said ruffling his hair, I nodded. “Do you still want to come? You can stay.” I shook my head.
“I’ll take some benadril and sleep the whole way there.” I said and he felt my head.
“You have a fever.” He said kissing my forehead.
“I’m going.” I said and he kissed my forehead. “As long as I get to wear your shirt the whole way there.”
“Whatever makes you comfertable.” he said and I smiled “I told you I’m gonna take care of you.” I laughed and he kissed me.
“I don’t want you to get sick.”I said and he laughed.
“I work at a hospital. I have a strong emmune system.” he said and I wrapped my arms around him. “I love you Jess. I’m sorry.” I looked at him sideways.
“For what?” I asked taking a sip of tea.
“Getting you sick.I made you stay out with me.”
“I wanted to Rob.I wanted to.”I said and then gipper came trotting in holding his ducky.
“Hey buddy!” Rob said and Gipper barked.
“OH don’t bark.” I said rubbing my head.
“Mommy’s sick buddy.” Rob said and I laughed and walked up the stiars.
“And Daddy’s gonna have to keep you quiet.” I said and Rob laughed. “That means daddy too. it’s like an fing hangover.” I said rubbing my head.
‘Come here sweetie.” Rob said coming into the room.
“Huh?” I asked and he grabbed my arms and pulled me into his arms.
“I love you.” he said and I smiled.
“I love you too.” I said and he just held me for a minute then we both started dancing to the alarm clock’s song. After we finished he walked into the closet and came out with two t-shirts.
‘You can have blue with the symbol. or green with the leprechaun on it.” I took the blue shirt and pulled on a new bra and underwear then the shirt. followed by my jeans.
“Did you undress me last night?” I asked and he kinda smiled.
“Just your bottoms.” He said and I smiled, and took some of my medicine.
“So all we have to do now is wait for frank.” I looked out side.
“It’s still dark Rob. it’s still dark.” I said and he laughed.
“Dora wanted us there by dinner.” he said and I laughed. I pulled on my sneakers and made coffee filling up a travel mug for me and rob. then filling one up for Frank, with tea. I grabbed my laptop and a pillow, and three journals. and put them in the backseat.
“JESSY!” Frank called and I turned around.
‘Hey frank.” I said and he stopped.
“You’re sick.” he said and I nodded.
‘It’ll blow over.” I said and rob came out gipper close behind.
“You have your bag?” Rob asked as he pulled on his glasses.
“Yup.” he said and rob took the small suitcase and slid it in the back. We got in the car Frank and Rob up front Gip and me in the back watching Roman Holiday covered in the blanket.
“You still with us Jess?” Rob asked about a half hour in.
“What?” I asked and he repeated the question. “Oh bareley.” I said and they laughed.
“Well we’ve lost gipper.” Frank said and I rubbed my sleeping dog’s head.
“He’s running..ow.claws.” I said and the guys chuckled.
“So Jess what you want for breakfast?” Rob asked and I shrugged.
“I really don’t care.” I said and we pulled into McDonalds.
“What you want?” I sat up,
‘Um. I have coffee so, susge egg and cheese no egg.” he smiled, and looked back.
“You want the meal?”
“No.” I said and he put his hand back and grabbed mine. “Thank you.” I said squeezing his hand.
“You feeling any better?” he asked as the lady in front of us ordered like fifty meals.
“A little.” I said putting my head on his arm.
“Your still warm.” he said the lady still ordering.
‘My sleepy pill will kick in soon.” I said and Frank laughed.
“That’ll be a sight.” I nodded.
“That’s right. hey frank did Rob tell you what happened yesterday?” I asked coughing which got gipper up. “Hey rob make mine a meal Gips up.” he nodded.
“No. what happened Robert?” Rob smiled.
“Mike called me uncle Rob.” he said as the lady pulled ahead.
“And he has offically been named that.” I said as we watched eight bags go into the car in front. “Think she’s buying them all then saying she made them?” I asked and they all laughed.
“Jess. you’re going a little wacky.” Frank said and I nodded.
“I can feel it. I hate this feeling.” I said laying back down.
“Why?”
‘I hate not being in control of my own body.” I said and Rob chuckled.
“Wouldn’t know.”he muttered and Frank wacked his head.
“Thank you.” I said and rob laughed.
“You’re welcome.” Frank said and I smiled, about a minute later I’m sitting there holding on to my sandwhich slowly feeding Gipper a hash brown.
“Okay so we have what seven hours left.” Frank said and Rob nodded. I smiled and gipper yawned.
“Agreed gipper.” I said laying down.
“Wake us up for lunch.” I said and I wrapped gipper in my arms and fell asleep. I woke up about five hours later feeling a lot better. Rob and Frank were engrosed in some sort of disscussion about the newest recruits.Rob was talking in a hurried tone.like he was defending his position fiercley.
“I can’t beliave you neglegting the fact that with out a good quarter back the team is shot.I can’t beliave you think the shit ball who started last year will be good enough to play agian.I mean did you see his record?” Rob asked and I sat up.
‘Yeah frank?” I said and they both Jumped about three feet in the air and the car swerved and Rob grabbed it tight and turned back into the path.
“JESUS!” Rob yelled looking back at me.
“What?” I asked streaching.
“You near gave me a heart attack Jessy!” Frank said grabbing a soda.
“HEY! Where did soda come from?” I asked and Rob laughed.
‘I tried to wake you Jess.”Rob said.
“He really did. he shook you. kissed you. I told him to kick you but he drew the line.” I laughed.
“Your voice sounds better.” Rob said as we crossed into Indiana.
“I feel better.” I said as I rubbed the back of my neck.
“Good cause South Bend is close.” he said and Frank handed me a suzie q.
“AH!” I said excitedly taking it.
‘Told you.” Rob said and I smiled.
“Oh so what I owe you fifteen cents.”
“A suzie q cost fifty cents.” I said taking a bite.
“How do you know that off the top of your head?” Frank asked and I sat up and pionted to the fifty cent lablel.
“I can read.” I said and he laughed.
“So you really would sell your soul for those things?” Frank asked.
“I don’t know about my soul.I do know that it was the longest six months of my life when I was dieting for the oscars.I didn’t even know if I was nominated.but I knew I had to lose wait.so no more suzie qs.” I said taking another bet.
“Then I’ll just have to take it back.” Rob said reaching for it and I wacked his arm
‘No!” I said a little raspy.
“Jess your throat.” Rob said and I waved him off.
“It’s just the fact I was eating.” I saidswalloning and clearing my throat. “See.” I said not near as raspy before.
“Okay. but now we can get lunch.” Gipper shot up and wagged his tail.
‘He been out?” I asked and Frank nodded. “Okay.” I said and I went to pull my hair up and my security hair tie was gone. I looked around every where my eyes searching scanning fighting to find it.
“Looking for this?” Rob asked holding it up.
“YES!” I said reaching for it.
“Nope. no hair up hair down.”
‘Hair hot give hair tie.” I said reaching across him.
‘Nope.” he said sliding it on his other wrist.
“That isn’t gonna stop me. “ I said pulling an old road trip trick.I moved to the drivers seat.behind it and pushed my self through the side as he was fiddiling with is.grabbed it out of his hand and slidd back.
“WHAT THE?” he yelled looking back at me.
“Ha ha haha ha.” I said pulling my hair up.
“How’d you?’
“One car. four kids. one girl. how else do you think I got my dad’s attention when I had to pee.” Frank laughed.
“Oh Jessica Leo. you have a gift.”
“For annoyence?” Rob asked and I wacked his head. “Don’t make me pull this car over.” he said like a dad.
“Woah. We just had a glimpse of the future frank.” I said and Frank laughed,
“Jessica.” rob said and I started coughing and it was a deep chest cough. Rob pulled over and got out climbing in the back with me.
“I’m okay.” I said between coughing.
“No it’s in your chest honey.” he said rubbing my back.
“The benadryils in my bag.I have the kind that doesn’t make you sleepy.” I said rubbing his arms.
“No were getting you some stuff for your lungs. I have my pad.” he said getting in the car.
“No.I’m not gonna abuse the whole doctor thing.” he looked at me in the rearview mirrior.
“As a profesioanl I think you might have a lung infection.” I looked at him, “Just let me okay jess.just let me.” I fell on my back.
“But nothing that knocks me out.” I said pionting a finger at him.
“Like I would ever.” He said vindictivley.
“Well.”
‘Jess you know me better than that.”
“I know.” I said as Gipper started chewing at somthing. “GIPPER!” I yelled and started coughing. He was chewing on my shoe. Not my favorite shoe but my work out shoe. “Bad dog.very bad dog.” I said as he held it by the shoe laces his ears perked and his tail wagging. “No.bad dog.”
“What?”
“He’s got my shoe.” I said climbing over the seat landing on my back. “Give me the shoe.” I said holding out my hand. He got up and jumped over the seat. “Gipper Regan!” I yelled climbing over after him as he climbed up and dropped the shoe in rob’s lap. “Oh that’s low gip.that’s low.” I said and he wagged his tail and licked Rob’s cheek.
“Good boy.” rob said and I laid down.
‘Oh yes.you enjoy it.you boys have your fun.”
‘I told you you thought of him as a son.”
‘And now he’s broken my heart.”
“Oh cause he loves his daddy.oh yes who’s a good dog.gipper’s a good dog.” Gip barked and Rob pulled off.
“Are we getting off?” I asked and gipper started to lick my face. “It’s okay boy.I’m not mad.” I coughed. “At you.”
“Oh but you are at me?” Rob asked and I shook my head
“Nope and Frank I’m not mad at you either.” I said as we began to see signs for Notre Dame.
“Oh it’s all coming back.” Rob said as he saw a bunch of guys in Notre Dame t-shirts.
“Is it now honey.” I said putting my head on his shoulder.
“Oh you know it sweetie.” he said as a guy waved at him seeing his shirt and Rob honked. “If we were in my car.we’d have half the campus cheering.” he said looking at me kissing my cheek. “There’s a rite aid.up here.you’re getting warm again.” he said putting his hand on my head. “I’m getting worried about you Jess.” he said rubbing my arm.
“Don’t I’m just getting a nasty cold.”
“But it’s in your lungs.” I kissed him on the cheek.
“I’ll be fine.” I said as we drove past the stadium.
“Go irish.” rob said looking at it.
‘Oh you getting nastolgic honey?” I said sudenly feeling really nauseous.
“No.”
“Can you pull over please.” I said and Rob looked back at me, “I think I’m gonna be sick.” I said and he pulled over into a rest stop. I walked into the bathroom and I did get sick.really sick.five times.
“Jess.” Rob said from behind the stall.
“Oh god.” I said pulling my hair back.
“Let me in.”
“No.no way.there’s no way your seeing this.” I said flushing the toilet.
“Come on honey.” he said and then the stall door opened.
“How’d you?” I asked and he shook his head and knelt down, and grabbed my hair. “I’m okay.” I said sitting agianst the wall.
“Jess maybe you are.” I looked at him and took a deep breath.
“I thought about that the first time I upchucked.”
“I ran to rite aid.frank’s been sitting here listening.”
‘Oh thanks frank.”
“No problem.” Frank said.
“I bought one. and it was embarasing.but I did.I had a perscription set up for you.it’s not an inhaler.it’s a liquid. and this.” holding up a box of suzie q’s.
‘I love you.” I said kissing his cheek.
“I love you.” he said holding my face.
‘Okay Rob. move.” I said pushing him out of the way and barfing in the toilet three times.
“Oh honey.” he said as I sat back.
“I’ll wash your shirt. if I got anything on it.” he rubbed the hair out of my face.
“I don’t care about the shirt.” he said and frank chuckled.
“She barfs and he plays the hero.” Rob rolled his eyes.
“Well there’s a bit more going on than just that.” Rob said and I sighed.
“What’s gonna happen if there is?” I asked holding my stomach.
“We get married. and have our baby.” he said kissing me.
“Wiat. she might be pregnant. ROBERT ANDREW!” Frank yelled comming in.
“It’s always a risk in a serious relationship Frank.” I said as another wave of nausuea took over. “Okay all men out.” I said and rob left the bag and I puked twice and then puked nothing but bile came out. “There’s nothing left.stop.” I said looking up. Finally my stomach calmed down and I took the pregnacy test.
“Jess. can I come back. I kinda have a right too.” Rob said and I smiled
“Yeah sure.” he came back and I was holding the test. “We have two minutes.” I said looking at him. “I’m scared.” he rubbed my legs.
“I am too.” he said holding my hand.
“But in a strange way kinda happy and scared.”
“Happy cause you want this. and it’s exciting to think about. and scared cause we’re going out of order.” I nodded. “I’m glad I’m this freaked out with you. not Marie.” I smiled and held his hand. “So if it’s a boy.”
“Don’t even.” Frank said and I laughed.
“He’ll be smart like his dad and hopefully have his eyes.and be as quick witted as his mother.” I sighed. “God it’s so wiered to think I might be a mother.” I said feeling a tear roll down my cheek. “And what if I am.what if I am pregnant with your child and we’re going to your parents house.do we tell them.or do we hide it cause I could lose it.I don’t know Rob.” he grabbed my hand.
“Shh. shh. here baby. come here.” he said pulling me into him. “We’ll be fine.we can do this..okay. we can be a family .we can.” my cell phone beeped signalling the test was ready.
“Oh god.” I said pulling back.
“You want me to?” he asked taking the test.
“Sure I’m gonna cry either way.” he nodded and looked at the test and exhaled and then at me.
“What is it?” I asked, looking into those eyes, he smiled at me. “Rob don’t.okay this is life changing.” he grabbed my hand.
“We’re not pregnant.” he said and I was both realieved and saddened. “You okay.” I nodded and looked up. “That’s not an I’m okay face.” he said rubbing my arms.
“I know. I’m just I don’t know. maybe it was just the thought of actualling having a baby and actually having it with you, and maybe I really wanted this baby and.I really don’t know.” I said grabbing the box of suzie Q’s and took one.
“Hey baby it’s alright. we’re not old and grey. we can have a kid. we can have a baby. I can try. I mean I could go right now.” I laughed he was trying to make me laugh.
“Give me a warning.” Frank said and I took the test and looked at it.
“Not right now honey.” I said kissing him.
“Damn. not even after this?” he said handing me the test.I looked down.
“Rob.”
“Yeah.” he said as he grabbed the stuff.
“Give me the box.” he handed me the box. “You may be a doctor but your color blind.” he dropped the bag.
“What?”
“Rob I think you read it wrong.”
‘OH FUCK!” Frank yelled and I looked at him.
“I think I’m pregnant.” Rob dropped to his knees and started telling me it was okay that he was sorry that we’ll be okay.
“Jesus christ boy!” Frank yelled and I started cracking up.
‘THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY.” he said and I laughed harder.
‘You two are too easy.” I said revealing the joke.
‘OH JESSSICA YOU’RE DEAD!” Frank yelled and Rob looked at me angry and then just started laughing.
‘I got you good. I got you sooo good.” I said and he kissed me “I just needed to lighten the mood.” I said and he kissed me and then my neck, sliding his hands up the shirt. “Rob..” he pulled away.
“I know. but you owe me.” he said picking me up and carrying me out of the rest room. “I need a lake or a nasty pond or somthing.” he said to frank, who wacked my head.
‘Never ever agian!” he said and I smiled and kissed his cheek.
‘I’m sorry. but I really need to either brush my teeth or chew some gum.” I said as Rob refuesed to set me down till we got to the car. “Thank you.” I said looking in Rob’s eyes and holding his face. “You are a hero.” I said and he kissed my cheek. I brushed my teeth and spit out mouthwash and then sat in the back seat compleatley exhusted and still ill. My lungs were on fire and so was my throat.
“I told you you could have stayed.” Rob said as I rubbed my head.
“I wanna see Dora and Joe.” I said rubbing my stomach.
‘I’m still mad at you.” Frank said and I laughed.
“I said I was sorry.”
‘Well to think that my great grandchild might come into this world unexpectedly.is a bit frightening.” he said looking back at me. “But I can’t be mad at you not when you’re sick like this.” I smiled and grabbed the medicine.
“Can I take this?” I asked and Rob nodded.
‘It won’t make you loopy or anything.it’s just got a vapor within it which will help you’re lungs.and your throat.” I took the amount needed and sat back gipper knawing away at Rob’s sandal.
“Good boy.” I said and rob looked at me, then gipper.
“GIPPER!” he yelled and I grabbed the sandal and laid it under m back which got him to bark.
“Can it!” Frank yelled and Gipper whinned and laid down on his bed.
“Wow.” I said looking at frank.
“I’ve had dog Jess.”
“But gipper dosen’t like men.”
“He’s not gay.” Rob said and I smacked his arm.
“Shut it that’s my baby.” I said rubbing his arm.
“We can’t use that term loseley now.not for a while.” he said rubbing his head. I rubbed the back of his neck and back as he drove trying to relax him. He loved it.he rolled his neck and relaxed.
“You shouldn’t have driven the whole way.your back’s really tense.” I said rubbing along his spine.
“It’s not the driving.it’s the fact that twice this week I’ve had to think about possibly becoming a father.that twice this week we’ve had this scare.” I kissed his cheek.
“It’s okay.” I said rubbing his shoulders. He grabbed my hand and I wrapped my arm across his chest and laid my head on his shoulder and he leanded back and kissed me. “I love you.” I said nuzzleing him.
“I love you.” he said grabbing my hand. “And you’re gonna get me sick.” he said as he pulled onto a street.
“Are we almost there.” I asked getting excited.
“Yep.” Frank said. I got really excited and Rob laughed.
“You’re too exctied babe.” he said and I looked at him.
‘What’s with the sudden nicknames.” he smiled.
“It’s just fun.I never got to do it.so now I get to.” he said kissing me.
“Okay Honey.” I said looking at him, he smiled and Frank rolled his eyes.
“If you two were six.he’d be screaming running away from cootes and you’d be laughing you’re head off.”
“Why does she get to be the one who gets to laugh?” he asked looking over at me.
“Cause she was like that as a child.” he said and I rubbed his abs.
“Come on baby.you know it’s true.” he laughed and kissed me.
“Okay.it’s true.but we were a team.”he said looking at me.
“We are a team.” I said rubbing the back of his head. “We’ll always be a team.” he smiled and pulled into another neighborhood.now let me tell you this..Rob’s dad retired last year.he owned a large advertising firm and Dora was a kindergarden teacher.and she hasn’t worked since they moved.Rob was thier only child and Joe was the oldest of three dora the youngest of two so Rob did not have the cousins I had.but I loved his parents.they were like second parents to me.Dora had been there for me when my mom died and she always looked out for me. So when they moved to indiana I assumed they had bought a large house seeing as the house he lived in was large when he lived on the lake.but I wasn’t expecting the white mansion who’s driveway we pulled into.okay so it was just a very large very expensive victorian not a mansion there were no tenis courts or anything but it was still and extravegent house. “Okay.did I miss somthing?” Rob laughed and kissed my cheek. “And you drive a Jetta.”I said as he rolled his eyes and kissed me.
“Don’t.”
“You could have told me.” he turned around as he got out of the car and smiled at me.
“Don’t.” He said and I opened my mouth and he shut the door. I got out and grabbed his hand. “Don’t.” he said and I kissed his cheek.
“Don’t what?” I asked.
“Don’t say anything about the house.okay.it was my dad’s gift to my mom.since he made her move.”
“Okay.I’m not gonna.”
‘JESSICA!” Dora screamed as she ran out of the front door. Rob chuckled and she beelined for me and hugged me feeling my fever she pulled back. “Dear.you’re sick.oh let’s get you inside.”
‘Hi mom.” Rob said and she smiled.
“Oh I forgot.”
“Thanks mom.nice to know who you really love.” he said and I laughed.
“Now don’t say that.you know I love you how are you?”
“I’m great.” he said as he kissed her cheek “Where’s dad?”
“On the course of course.” Frank chuckled.
“Hello Frank.’ Dora said hugging him.
“So my son’s getting his golf on?” Rob and I both started to crack up at that.which made me start coughing.
“Woah Jess.come on.breathe.” he was playing it up so Dora would over react and I knew it by the grin on his face.
“Oh Jessica.let’s get you inside.” I glared at him and coughed twice and mouthed
“Maybe I should tell her you got me pregnant.” he glared at me and I smiled. Then coughed and dora put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me away.
“Jessica.” he said sternley.
“I won’t.” I said and dora smiled.
“Won’t what?”
“I won’t ruin his shirt.” I said and he chuckled. Dora escorted me inside the amazing house and showed me around then after a half hour.Rob came down the hall way a beer in hand, a button up shirt on.he seemed to be comfy in them as well as tshirts
‘Oh look he’s already drinking.” Dora said and I laughed.
“Don’t laugh at that.” Rob said with that smile
“She doesn’t have to listen to you.” Dora said and he looked at her like Mom come on.
“Dora.it’s okay.” I said as Rob grabbed my hand.
“Yeah.I’m gonna show her where we’re sleeping.”
‘Oh no.she’s sleeping in the guest room you’re in you’re room.” Dora said and I smiled.
“I’m not sixteen mom.” Rob said and I squeezed his hand.
“Show her the guest room.I think you need to lay down honey you look pale.”
“Thank you Dora.you have a loveley home.”
“You may have seen it sooner if somebody had contacted you.” rob cringed.
“I get it.I screwed up.”
“It was a nessecary life chioce.” I said as I squeezed his hand. “But with out it.we wouldn’t have found each other agian.” I said and Dora was tearing up.
“Oh look you’re in love already.”
“Mom we’ve been in love since we were four.” he said pulling me into him. “Or at least I have been.”
“Same.” I said squeezing him.
“Oh where is your father.” she said hugging us.
“HOME!” Joe called as he walked into the foyer. “I knew the new york licence plate.meant somthing.hello jess.”
“Hi Joe.” Okay you’re probably wondering why I don’t call them mr. Harrison and Mrs. Harrision because they told me to call them Joe and Dora.
“Thank god you went to Michigan.” he said to Rob who laughed.
“Hi dad.”
“Hey Robert.” Dora smiled.and Rob pulled me down a hallway as she dissapered down the stairs.
“Come on Jessica.” He said showing me the guest room pink and flowery.
“Rob you’ve got to be kidding me.” I said looking at him.
‘I wish I was.” he said rubbing my back.
“It’s .” I shivered “pink.” he laughed and kissed me.
“And you’re a girl.” he said and I wacked him.
“Show me you’re room.” I said and he looked at me
“Jess.”
‘I’m too sick to try anything.” I said with a cough.
“Okay.” I smiled.
“And if I was healthy.” he smiled and leanded into my ear.
“I’d be carrying you to my room.” he said in this I want you so bad voice.
“Don’t start somthing you don’t intend to finish.” I said and he laughed and kissed my neck and shoulder and then my lips. “I don’t want you to get sick.” I said pulling back.
“You need to get better and fast.” he said as I realized my dog was in the car. Rob looked at me and realiezed it to.
‘Gipper.” we said as we ran down the stairs and threw open the back.
“Oh hi baby.” I said as he looked up at me weak. “Rob.” I said and he climbed in.
‘He’s just hot Jess he’s not been in here that long.” I held gippers head.
“But he’s sick.” I said and gipper whinned.
“Okay here boy.” he said and Gipper got up and hobbled over to him.
“Rob.” I said on the brink of tears.
‘He’ll be okay.we just need to get him some water and a cold bath.” He said lifting Gipper up and carrying him inside.
“Oh look at you.” Dora said as Rob walked in.
‘He’s overheated mom.he’s been out in the car.” He said carrying him up the stairs. “It’s okay boy.daddy’s got ya.it’s okay..” I looked at Dora.
“Your dog?” Joe asked.
“Yep.” I said following Rob. After an hour of trying to get my gipper back I was laying in bed with Gipper rubbing his head. “You gotta get better boy.” I said and he licked at my face. “Yes.” I said leaning down and he started to wag his tail and lick my face and then five minutes later my gipper was back. “GIP!” I said as he licked my face and Rob came running in.
“Is he okay?” he asked and Gipper jumped into his arms tackling rob. “Good to have you back buddy.” Gipper licked his face and Dora began to laugh.
“I’m really sorry to have to bring him.” I said and Dora smiled and waved me off.
“He’s welcome.anybody who make my son smile like that is welcome.” she said wiping her hands on her apron. “Now you two better get down here before Joe burns your steaks.” she said and Rob looked at me and smiled.
“Always a poet.” he said and gipper yawned.
‘Then he can lay down and we’ll be back.” Rob grabbed my hand and I pulled off his shirt and slid on a white tank top and a flowy flower patteren skirt.
“You know watching you change isn’t helping me.” he said putting his hands on my hips.
“You know you being as perfect as you are isn’t helping.” I said running my hands through his hair.
‘You look beautiful.” he said as he pulled my hair down. I smiled and put a hand on his cheek the evening light casting through the window of the guest room.
“Thank you.”I said and he smiled as he felt the promis ring.
“This is cold as ice.” he said playing with it.
“Don’t I don’t want it to fall off.” he smiled and kissed me.
“Come on.let’s go, before dad burns them.” he said pulling me out of the room. Joe was out on the deck with his gril. Rob kissed me and walked outside while I helped Dora.
“So my dear dear Jessica.” Dora began as I helped her make salad.
“Yes?” I asked with a smile.
‘Has he told you everything.about.” she cleared her throat. “Her.” I nodded and placed a hand on Dora’s.
“Yes and I know she hurt him.and I have no intention of hurting him.no way I could bear hurting him.he means to much.to even think about that.”I said getting a little shaky.
“Oh god where have you been.” she said hugging me.
“New York.” I said getting her to laugh, she pulled back and made me turn around.
‘You’re too thin.you need to eat.” she said like a mother.
“Doesn’t he cook.I taught him too cook.” I smiled.
“I cook.” I said and she smiled.
“You as good as your grandmother was?” she asked and I looked at her with a smile.
‘Nobody is as good a cook as Valey Marks.” I said and she laughed.
“Are you sure you’re okay Jessy.I mean with Liam.” I nodded, and the unconvinging lip quivvering smile made Dora rub my arm.
“It’s hard.yes.but it’s not somthing I can control.it’s hard to look at his room and know he’s never coming back.” Shut up Jessica don’t you dare go further.just stop or you’re gonna be crying.all night. “But it’s getting easier.I don’t think it’ll ever be the same.”
‘Oh no.that I know.but it will come close Jess it will come close.” I smiled and wipped my eyes. “So.tell me rob said you’re writing agian.what about?” I smiled and looked at her.
“That I can’t say.”
‘Oh don’t keep you’re secrets from me missy.” she said as she cut up chicken and tossed it in the salad.
“It’s my tradition only one person ever read pages turned before it was published.”
“James?” I shook my head.
“Liam.” she smiled.
“He must of loved that.”
“He wrote all over it.not once telling me one thing was wrong it was a like a fifth grade stack of quizzes.great job.amazing.keep up the good work.way to go.” she began to laugh.
“Oh that little girl is still in there.only now she’s this beautiful woman my son is in love with and she’s a godsend.” I smiled and sqeezed her hand.
‘Thank you Dora.” I said and he hugged me.
‘You were always like the duaghter I wanted.it’s so good to see you Jessica.” she said and I wrapped my arms around the small blonde woman.Dora may be blonde and a great cook but she’s your average fifty somthing woman. But her heart was as warm and kind as mother teresa’s. Rob had gotten his eyes from her.and his smile was Joes.his hair black as midnight as Joe’s had once been, Dora was blonde and white and joe black haired and french. They made the cuteset couple and an even cuter family. I saw Rob and Joe talking on the porch sharing a beer on the other side of the deck and I started to laugh when I saw the steaks fully engulfed in flames. Dora laughed too and we walked out.
“Hey honey.” I said and Rob turned to me.
‘Yeah sweetie.”
‘Oh that’s too cute.” Dora said.
“You might want to check the steaks.” Rob and Joe blew past us and fought the flames then finally the grill was dead and the steaks almost burnt.to a crisp
“I made lisagnia in case.” Dora said going inside.
“Jessica how long did you watch us ruin diner before you came out?” joe asked and I smiled.
“Three four seconds.” I said and rob came over a bit of suit from the grill on his face.
“What?” he asked and I wipped it off then brushed my hands off.
“She’s making sure you look good.” He smiled at me and laced our hands. “
Oh you two are cuter then a sack of bunny rabbits.” Frank said comming out. Rob and I both laughed and I made to walk in the house and he stopped me and I looked up at him and he leaned down and kissed me. “See Joesph.your son isn’t afriad of public affection.” I laughed and cleared my throat.
“Oh don’t even get me started.” I said walking inside.
“What?” Rob asked through the kitched window.
“Nothing.mr. Planitatrium.” I said and he blushed.
“Oh.” he said and I smiled as dor pulled lasigna out of the oven.
‘Now how did valery always get that extra spice of italian flavor.it was somthing she added at the end.” she said looking at me I smiled, and took the gornzoga cheese from the counter and sprinkled it on the top in a thin layer.
“She used greek.” I said and dora smiled.
“I smell pasta.” joe said poking his head in.
“Get out there.” dora said and I helped carry somethings out of the kitchen and then found myself next to rob at the amazing out door dinner table eating amazing pasta as rob’s hand played with the hem of my skirt underneath the red table cloth. “So tell us you two.how’s the house?” Dora asked and Rob squeezed my leg.
“Great.Jess has and eye for decorating.she’s updated it a great deal and it looks amazing.”I smiled and he looked over at me.
“He’s a good liar.” I said with a smile.
“NO he’s not..” dora said with a smile.
‘Mom no!” Rob said sitting up.
“Sixteen caught with a beer.his lie.I thought it was gingerale?” she said holding up both her hands. I started laughing.
“You hate gingerale.”
‘It was the only simmilar colored liquid that came to mind.” he said taking a drink of the miller light in front of him.
“Now don’t go playing the perfect child Jessica.we all know there’s a few emabarasing stories in you’re teenage years.” Joe said sitting back.
“Too many to count.” I said sitting back and rob’s arm sanking over my shoulder.
“Give us one.” Rob said rubbing my arm.
“Um I was on the track team and we had to wear those little shorts you know the ones that onl cover about an inch.” dora laughed. “Well one time at a meat.I spilt a powerade on them and tried to dry them off and my name got called and I ran my final’s race in my underwear unaware of it.” They all broke out laughing.
“Definatly a Jess Marks story.” Joe said and I smiled.
“Yep.” I said and Rob’s thumbs made circles on my arms. We spent the rest of the night talking and then I talked to Dora more before Rob came in and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“She boring you?” he asked as I leaned into him.
“Nope.” I said rubbing his arms. “She’s telling me about you around the time you’re voice started to crack.”
“Oh the crackle ages. Thanks mom.” he said rolling his eyes.
“Oh don’t blame me. it was nature.”
“Nature that I couldn’t say three words without a crack.” I smiled and looked up at him. “Oh yeah sicky you just soak it up. ten years from now she’s going to use this against me mom you know that don’t you.” he said picking me up. he seemed to like doing that.
“Put her down.”
“Nope doctor says time for medicine and bed.” he said and I hugged Dora and was pulled up the stairs by rob and he made me take the nasty medicine. “Take it.”
‘Nope. it’s nasty.”
“Jessica. You can brush your teeth after. you need to take it.”
“No.”
‘I need you to get better.” he said shoving the purple liquid at me.
“Then you’ll have to force me.” I said and he put it in his mouth and kissed me the nasty liquid pouring from his mouth into mine. “Elek, elek, yuck, nasty.” I said standing up.
“What?” he asked wiping his mouth.
“ The Medicine. Not you.” I said puring mouth wash in my mouth.
“Oh jess.” he said in this baby voice from the room.
‘Yeah honey?’ I asked and he walked in and began kissing my neck.
“Do you realize this will be our first night apart.” I turned around in his arms.
“Shh , don’t make me think about it.” I said burying my head in his chest.
“ROBERT BED!” Dora called and I smiled.
“She could call the cows home.” he said letting go.
“No.” I said grabbing him.
“I know but we go to the stadium tommorow. You meet Andy tommorow. He’s gonna love you.”
“I hope not.” I said kissing him.
“You know what I mean.”
“I know.” I said and we reluctantly said good bye and goodnight. Gipper curled up next to me and watched as I tossed and turned. I couldn’t sleep, not without the reassurance that he was next to me. I did nothing but toss and turn and moan and groan. Until I finally gave up, I got up and pulled on my socks and left my room. I walked around until I found a room with a beware sign on the door. “Got to be his room.” I said pushing open the door, he was curled up clinging to a pilliow under neath a notre dame blanket. He huffed and rolled over trying to get more comfertable. I watched as he rolled around finally groaning and looking up at the cealing. He closed his eyes tight and gripped the pilliow.
“Imagine Jess.” he said in a whisper, I walked over and pulled the pillow out of his arms and he whinned. “Mom.” I smiled and slid in his arms “nope.Jess.” he said gripping tight. “God I’m glad you’re here.”
“I can’t sleep without you rob.” I said pulling the covers up around me.
“It’s strange isn’t it.that we are this close, this quick.” I nodded and kissed him.
“But I know this Rob.I love you and you’re my soulmate.” He kissed me deepley and wrapped his arms around me so there was no space between us.
“I know.I’ve known.it had to be you.nobody else makes me feel like this Jess.” I held onto him that whole night my throat starting to feel a lot better and Rob wasn’t complaning.we fell asleep still gripping eachother, his arms securley holding me.that smell which I knew was him.that feeling which I loved more than anything surrounding me. I fell asleep, and just slept and I knew Rob did too cuase we both jolted awake at.
“ROBERT ANDREW!” Dora yelled and he held me tight as if protecting me then he sat up putting himself in front.
‘What?’
“Did you two?” I shook my head. “ I put you in separate rooms for a reason.”
“But niether of us could sleep.” rob began.
“So you.”
‘No we didn’t.” I said my voice a bit raspy which got rob to look back at me. “I’m okay.we didn’t dora.we just couldn’t fall asleep in separate rooms.” I said and Dora began to cry.
“Oh my.” she said walking out of the room
“Dora.’ I said going after her making sure I was still in my pjs.
“I’m not mad Jessica.” she said as she stopped and looked at me. “If anything I’m happy.god it’s so amazing to see him like that.not shirtless, but happy.” she walked over and grabbed my face. “You’re fever’s broken and I love you Jessica.I love you like a duaghter.” I began to cry and wrapped my arms around Dora and we both just started crying tears of joy and Joe and rob both came out and rolled thier eyes at us.rob wearing a notre dame sweat pants. Dora and I both glared at them through our tears and then reluctently parted and soon we were ready to go to the stadium and I was standing there in a notre dame t-shirt which fit me and a I was actually feeling okay and excited to meet Andy. We climbed into Frank and Dora’s car and Frank sat up front while Dora Rob and I sat in the back.
‘It’s like road trips all over agian.” rob said putting a hand on my leg. “You feeling any better?” I nodded.
“Much.” I said and he smiled and put his arm around me.
“So has he told you anything about Andrew?” Dora asked and I shook my head.
“Well I know they were roommates but that’s about it.” Rob smiled.
“It’s more like brothers. they were like brothers.” I looked up at Rob who smiled. “Robert had to live on campus and Andrew Harding got paired up with him and they became great friends moved into gether and eventually became like brothers.to the piot where I was feeding to college boys on the weekends.” I laughed and looked at Rob who smiled.I noticed his left hand and for the first time.I saw the ring tan.where for three years a wedding ring had sat.I suddenley felt the weight of being a second. and then waved it off.nothing was stopping us Marie wasn’t stopping us. Why? Jess just have fun. He smiled at me and then as we pulled into the parking lot I felt Rob get all giddy as he reached for his cell as it blared the fight song.
“Nice.” I said and he rolled his eyes and grabbed it.
“Hey!” he said into it. ‘Okay.yep we’re on our way.k.peace.”
“Oh god.” I said as he stowed his phone.
“What?”
‘Peace.” I said mocking him.
“Shut up.” he said lacing our fingers.”he’s by the student entrance.” We all walked toward a hord of people surrounding the stadium until.
“ROBERT HARRISION!” A tall blonde man yelled and Rob let go and grabbed the man.
“ANDREW HARDING!”
‘Is that like a greeting?” I asked Frank who laughed.
“I think it is.” I laughed as I watched Rob and Andy talk it was like seeing a college Rob. a foot ball rob.
“Where is she?” Andy asked looking around his back to me.
“Jess.” Rob said waving me over.
“Yeah?” he rolled his eyes and Frank pushed me over. “Ow.”
“Oh god!” Andy said wrapping me in a hug. “Dude you were so wrong.”
“About” I asked as I pulled back.
“He said that you were a little girl.dude she’s no little girl.” I laughed. “Andrew Harding.”
“Jessica Marks.” I said shaking his hand.
“God I can’t beliave I’m meeting the famous Jessie Marks. I have so many questions.”
“About?” I asked and Rob grabbed my hand.
“Was he always a snorer?” I laughed and Rob punched his arm.
“Yep.” he looked at me like c’mon. “You were. Our little sleepovers you were in you’re tent sawing logs all night.” I said and Andy laughed.
“Oh dude I love her and I don’t know why I keep saying dude. I really don’t.” I smiled.
“Okay let’s head inside and watch the irish.” frank said and that’s what we did and slowly over the day. I grew to like Andy. and could see why Rob was drawn to him. he had this personality which was welcoming. We watched football all day and drank. then after practice we went out to a bar and sat around watching baseball and football. then in the parking lot, I hugged Andy goodbye.
‘It was so good to meet you.” I said and he squeezed me.
“Keep the good doctor happy.” he whispered and I rubbed his back.
“I will I promise.” I said kissing his cheek.
“You sure you don’t want us to take you home.”
‘Nope I’ve got a hotel room over in that holiday inn.” he said pionting to the pne across the street. “That’s where I’m walking.” he said and Rob smiled.
“Okay.but be careful.” he said as they did the guy hug.
“OH I will sir.”
“See ya Harding.” Rob said as I got in the driver’s seat.
“See ya Harrison.keep it safe.”
“Go Irish”
“Oh HELL yeah” Andy yelled as he ran across the road at the cross light.
“Okay let’s get you home.” I said as rob got in the car. I drove in silence as the car slept laughing at the group.
“Hey.” Rob said as he rubbed my leg.
“Shh. Just go to sleep.” He shook his head
“I’m fine, barely buzzed.” he said running his hands through his hair.
“Honey it’s okay I’m fine.” he rubbed his eyes and looked over at me.
“How’s your stomach?”
“Fine.” I said looking at him. “You don’t need to stay up babe.” he grabbed my hand and played with my fingers while I drove.
“I am hoping to do more than just stay up.” He said as he kissed my hand and then groaned as a purse hit him in the head. “Mom.” he said rubbing his face.
“You will not talk like that.” Dora said drunkenly.
“It’s okay Dora we’re home any way.” She burped and Rob and I laughed. I found my self laying in Rob’s arms.
“Jessy.” he whispered looking at me.
“Yeah baby?” I asked nuzzleling into his chest.
“You know I love you.” I nodded and entiertwined my legs with his.
“Yes I know you love me and I love you.” he kissed me.
‘And that you are not a replacement.” I pulled back and looked at him.
“You been conteplating that thought?”
“I was worried you did.” I shook my head.
“No. I love you.” I said as he looked at me.
“Jessica I love you more than I have loved anybody or anything. I love you more than god damned life it’s self. YOu mean the world to me and I don’t want you to think that because I was married before we were together. That you are a replacement. You’re not.” I kissed him and one thing lead to another and I found my self laying naked in his sheets holding on to him with all my strength as he rubbed my back.
‘I love you so much Rob.” I said kissing his cheek.
“I love you now go to sleep.” I laughed and feel asleep waking up alone in bed with his Notre Dame t-shirt on me. I heard the shower running and gipper was curled up in bed with me. I laughed and rolled over. The shower flipped off and soon Rob was standing in the door way only in a towel. “Good morning beautiful.” he said as he bent over and kissed me.
“Hello handsome” I said looking up at him.
“Okay.” Dora said coming in.
“Mom!” Rob yelled as he ran in the bathroom.
“Jessica?” she asked and I pionted to the bathroom.
“He just got out of the shower.” I said as I sat up. “How are you?” I asked looking up at her.
“Fine.” she said as she sat down a laundry basket. “You best be getting ready soon.” she said with a smile.
“Why?” I asked with a smile.
“Oh didn’t he tell you?” she asked and I gave her a look like tell me what? “The summer party.” I looked at her baffeled. “Oh Robert.”
“I forgot!” he yelled.
“Jessica it’s just a little party we have every year. I have a dress you can borrow never fit me right should fit you perfectly.” I nodded and stood up. “Oh don’t you look cute.” I laughed and held up one finger.
‘I’m just gonna.” I said pionting to the door.
‘Oh yes I’ll let you.” she said as she shut the door. I pushed open the door and laughed at his bare but.
‘Hey!” he said as he grabbed the towel.
“What were you doing?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.
“Checking.” he said looking up.
“For?”
“I’m a cancer doctor Jess I check every month.”
“Oh.” I said as I walked over and wrapped my arms around him. “I could be really angry at you right now you know that.” he nodded.
“But I think this might change your mind.” he said as he tilted my head and kissed me. “I have one fantasy we can for fill right now.” he said low in my ear.
“What?’ I asked looking at him. He smiled and pushed me against the sink his hard on pressing into my thigh.
“See that mirrior.” he said gesturing to the full length mirror on the left.
“Yeah.”
“Don’t look at me. Watch us.” I moaned and kissed him. I watched as he pulled my shirt off and tore my panties off. “Watch us.” he whispered and then he moved down and did everything he could on his knees and I watched the whole time. Then he moved to his feet and kissed my neck. “Is it alright? What I’m doing?” he asked and I nodded.
“Perfect.” I said rubbing his chest.
“I’m going in.” he said in this tone I could see him doing in surgery.
“Do I have to be quiet?” I asked with a smile.
“It would be appreciated but all I want is for you to see how amazing you look when you make love.” He pushed himself in to me. And I locked my legs around his waist and watched as we made love I held back moans and then I gently bit down on his ear lobe.
“Rob.” I said between pants. “Honey.”
“Yeah?” he asked as he kissed my neck.
“You see that toielt?”
“Yeah?”
“Sit.” he moved us to the toilet and I bounced up and down on him until we both came and then I rested my head on his shoulder. “Oh god.” I said as I sat up and he moved him self out of me.
“What?’ he asked and I reached out and grabbed my pills.
“I didn’t take it.”
“Jessica. If you get pregnant I’ll marry you. If you don’t I’ll marry you. Right now knowing that you might already be holding two people inside you is a huge turn on.”
‘I’d only have one.”
“But add daddy.” he said with a smile.
“You want me to be pregnant Rob?”
“I want you to have my baby.”
“I want to have your baby.”
“One more time let’s make a baby.”
“Knock me up rob.” he laughed and we made love three more times each time he’d hold himself inside me as he came. Finally we got in the shower and cleaned off rob forbiding me to clean anything that could prevent the baby. I laughed and washed my hair and stuff. Then got out. I felt different something felt different. I stopped and looked at him.
“What?” he asked with a smile.
“Something feels different about me Rob.” I said with a smile. He kissed me passionetley and scooped me up as I stood in a towel.
“Oh god how’d we go from dreading this to trying for it?’ he asked and I shook my head.
‘I have no idea but I am pretty sure I might be pregnant I just have this feeling.” I laughed and he nuzzled my chin.
“Jessica.” He said as he set me down and held my face. “I love you.”
“I love you.” I said looking at him.
“Let’s get ready.” he said and we spent the longest time just talking and getting ready then I walked down and Dora smiled at me.
“You look amazing dear.” she said as she took me in. I was wearing the white vintage strapless dress she’d left for me. The white sandaled heals and the necklace Grandpa bought me when I was 10.
“Thank you. You look wonderful Dora.” I said as I helped her move the plates to the correct side of the island.
“There is something about you dear. You just have this kind of aura about you.”
“I’m in love.” I said looking over at her. “I’m in love with your son and I truly am happy.” she laughed and rubbed my back.
“This shindig should go off with out a hitch.”
“Hello darling.” Rob said as he came up behind me. He rubbed my lower stomach. “And little darling.” I rubbed his arms and kissed him.
“D.J.’s here.” Joe said and I looked at Dora.
“A D.J.?” I asked and she nodded.
“We need some sort of entertainment.” Joe said with a smile. I laughed and looked at Rob.
“Jess it’s okay.” he said and then he pulled me upstiars and pushed me agianst the wall. ‘One more Jess. Just to be sure.”
“Rob I am sure.” I said rubbing my stomach.‘I really think I am.” he smiled and kissed me. We hid up stiars until the backyard was nearly filled with people then we walked out and I was introduced to many people and then Rob and I were pulled apart. I was pulled to this table with two of Dora’s friends. Georgine and Holly.
“Oh look at you.” Georgine said as she grabbed my hand.
“She has a glow.” Holly said as she played with her glasses.
“Thank you.” I said with a smile. I talked with them a while and then a subject came up one I didn’t want to participate in.
“She is so much better than that twit Marie. Lead him on told him she thought she was pregnant trapped him into marrying her.” I shot my eyes at the old woman as she said this. “Then she has the gull to tell him it was a lie. Then she winds up pregnant with that lawyers baby.”
“Oh dear it is so good that you are with him now I so much enjoy talking to you over her.” I looked at Rob and he smiled then looked at me like what? I shook my head and smiled. He stopped his conversation and walked over to me.
“I am so sorry ladies but I need to steal my Jessy away.” I smiled and he pulled me on the dance floor and we danced to the soft song. “What’s wrong Jess?” he asked in my ear.
“Nothing.” I said looking up.
“Jessica you are a terrible liar.” I pulled back and let go.
“Rob I need to go.” I said walking away.
“What did you do?” I heard Dora say as she walked to Rob. I tore off my shoes when I got in the house. I ran to my car and got in pulling out of the driveway. Rob ran out after me and stopped in the lawn and yelled my name like three times. I don’t know what had gotten into me I just drove then it hit me. I was running. I hadn’t let anybody in since Ian, and now I was probably pregnant, practically engaged and I was afraid. I went to a bookstore. I walked in and walked up to the counter.
“Self help?” I asked and the lady looked up a bit shocked and pointed “Thanks.” I ran to the area and scanned everything and read everything I could then I walked into the coffee shop. I bought a hot coco and a banana nut muffin and basically cried into my drink. I may have ruined my relationship with Rob and his family. I couldn’t hold back. I threw out the food and sat in my car holding my knees to my face. “I need you grandpa.” I said tears in my eyes. “I have no idea what to do? I really need you.” it started raining. The rain fell hard and I just sat there waiting for god until.
“Jessica!” Rob yelled as he banged on my door. “Jessica!” I wiped my eyes and looked at him.
“Rob I don’t know.” I yelled.
“Don’t Jess don’t leave me.” I shook my head and un locked the door. He threw open the door and grabbed my arm. “I’m begging you Jessica do not leave me.” he rubbed my face he was soaking wet and crying. “If I lose you I’ll have no way to move on.”
“I’m not gonna leave you Rob.” I said as I moved into the back seat. “Rob I’m scared.” I said as I looked at him. He climbed in the back seat.
“Of what? Jess if you don’t want the baby.” I grabbed him and just held on to him.
“Just hold me Rob. I think you’re my god send.”
“Jessica.” he said as he rubbed my face.
“Rob I haven’t been in a relationship since Ian. And then we meet and I am in love with you I’m probably carrying your child, and I’ll probably marry you. That and I’m the second person you’ve been this close to.”
“You are never second Jess. She forced me. She lied to me to get me to marry her. Jessica I love you with all my god damnd heart. And it fucking pisses me off that you think you’re second.” he said as he sat up. “Look at me.” he said sternly. I did and he grabbed my face and held it gentley. “That woman is a pathetic whore. She did all she could to destroy my life and I am glad she’s out of my life. You my lover. Are an amazing woman who cares aoubt me. Who loves me. And trust me I don’t take that lightly. You are probably carrying my child and to think of that is the most amazing thought.”
“You wanna make another?” he pinned me and we made love one more time and then he drove me back to the house.
“The guests should be gone.” he said and I sighed.
“I don’t want to go in.”
“Jess.”
“I feel terrible.”
“OH JESSICA!” Dora said as I got out of the car.
“Dora I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened to me.”
“OH dear your back and you’re okay that’s all that matters.” I hugged her and walked inside. I spent the night watching t.v. laying on my side rob rubbing my side every now and agian putting his hand on my bare stomach as if trying to feel the possible child. The vist was amazing and after long heart felt goodbyes and an even longer drive I sat in my bed thinking one week till my period.
“Rob.” I said as walked down the stairs.
“Jess you alright?” he asked as he came in wearing a pair of plastic rims.
“Seven days rob I can take a test and know for sure.” he laughed and wrapped me in his arms.
“I have one.” he whispered. I laughed and he carried me up stiars and I took the test. I sat there for the longest time and Rob was pacing. “Honey calm down.” I said as the beeper went off.
“I call first look.” he said as he grabbed it then acted disapionted.
“Oh god.” I said as I got into bed.
“Jess I am so sorry.” he said looking at me. “I sorry we’re gonna have to spend all that money on baby stuff. Jess you’re pregnant!” I got up and wrapped my arms around him.
“We’re Pregnant!”we celbrated for weeks until the first doctors appointment. I sat in the chiar and then it happened. The doctor looked around on the screen then Rob grabbed my hand.
“Miss Marks.” he said looking at me. “It appears as though your fetus never made it past two months.” I was destroyed Rob could tell. I politely thanked the doctor and paid then I didn’t talk. I didn’t say one word until I walked up sitars.
“Hey Jessy.” Rob said grabbing my hand.
“Rob just let me be for a little while okay. I’m not mad at you or anything.” I locked my self in my grandfather’s room and just cried. I really wanted that baby. The smeel of my grandfather’s pipe smoke and aftershave made me think of being young. I covered myself in the blankets and just listend for his voice. Memories took over and I hallucinated.
‘Hey Squirmy.” his voice echoed. I saw him. He was smiling at me. I swear he was real.
“Grandpa?” I asked and I felt him touch my face.
“You and Robbo aren’t ready for that baby darling. Look at me squirmy.” I looked up at him and shook my head.
“You’re not real. You’re grief and fear taking over.”
“Jessica Leo!” his voice boomed. “I am your grandfather and I am here.” he sat down and I sat up.
“I wanted that baby grandpa.” I said starting to cry all over agian. “I wanted his baby.”
“Squirmy you and he will have a baby. I’ve seen it. I’m gonna make sure it happens okay.” I nodded and grabbed his hand.
‘I love him.”
“Finnaly.”
“What?”
“You don’t need me anymore.”
“No. I never said that I’ll always need you.” I said frantic.
“Jessica you have someone who will look after you like I would have. I don’t need to stay.”
“No I just got you back you have to stay.” He rubbed my cheek.
“One thing I never told you was this. You have a light in you. A bright one baby. You’ve been hiding it darling. You don’t need me. You just think you do. I’ll stay till you fall asleep but I must leave then.” I grabbed his hand.
“I never got to say goodbye.” he leaned over and kissed my temple.
“I never went anywhere Jessy. I’ve been right here this whole time.” he said placing a hand on my heart. “And I’ll be there till you walk through those gates.”
“Don’t go.” I said reaching up to him.
“I love you squirmy.I love you so much.” I grabbed him.
“You can’t leave me not agian.” he held my face.
“Look at you clinging to an old man, when that boy is down there balling his eyes out.”
“Rob.” I said standing up.
“Say good bye to me sqirmy. So you can move on.”
“I’ll never move on.” I said as I wrapped him in a hug.
“Then I’ll always be here if you need me. All you have to do is think of me baby girl and I’ll be here.” he kissed my temple. “Your dad says hi, your mother and father are so proud of you squirmy. You mean the world to them still. Just look at you. Darling you don’t need to be afriad of the past. The things that happen in our past make us who we are. It is the combination of the tracks we leave, the tracks we are making, that lead us to the tracks which have yet to be made. I love you.” I nodded and kissed his cheek.
“I love you grandpa I love you.” My body jolted and I was laying in hid bed still. I got up and walked down to the living room where Rob sat head in his hands teardrops falling from the crack between his hands. “Robbie?” I ask as I come into the room he lifts his head up and I see the redness of his eyes.”oh rob.” I said as I threw my self in his arms.
‘I’m so sorry Jess I’m so sorry.” He said through tears/
“Rob I’m gonna tell you something you have to listen to.” I said as I pulled him to the couch.
“Anything Jess, anything.”
“I saw my grandpa.”
“Jess?” he asked taking my hand.
“I don’t know if it was a dream or real but it felt real. I could feel him and he told me that we weren’t ready for the baby. That we just weren’t ready.” Rob kissed me and held me close. “He also said that because you’re here he can go.” I got teary eyed for a moment.
“Go?”
“That you’re gonna take care of me so he can leave and I can move on.”
“Squirmy.” Rob’s deep voice said in my ear.
“Yeah Robbie?”
“
“Jess.come on wake up.” I opened my eyes looking at Rob.
“Baby it’s four am.it’s been two years don’t you know I’m not a morning person.” I said pulling the covers over my head.
“You need to hear this.” I rolled on my back and saw he was holding one of my grandfather’s journals.
“And what is it?” I asked and he smiled at me.
“I woke up in the early morning and woke Valirie.she protested and I still made her get up. I had to do it now.it had been eating me alive for three months, the feeling of being a secret agent hiding from her was too much.I woke her and pulled her up. “Val I have to ask you somthing.” I said and she yawned in response. ‘Val.’ I said as I played with the little velvet box. She looked at me and in that moment I wasn’t afriad.I wasn’t scared.I was alive, in love and about to propose.look he gets all shaky.”he said handing me the book. I opened it and looked down at the page, somthing caught my eye and he smiled at the expression on my face.
I looked deep into Valerie’s eyes and in the house we had built in the house our fathers had allowed us to live in together I grabbed her hand and took a deep breath.
“Marry me?” Next to those words a brand new white gold dimond ring was taped. I looked up at Rob who grabbed the diary and pulled the tape off and grabbed the ring.
“Marry me Jess.marry me?” he asked getting on his knees holding my hand and the ring.I started to cry, and he smiled at me. “Please.”
“Yes.oh god Yes.” I said and he slid the ring onto my finger and with that I was the future Mrs. Robert Harrision.
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